Aug 03, 2006 03:04
Well I made it back from Vegas alive. The tale of this trip cannot be summed up in one blog. Suffice to say it was crazy and I had a good time losing my money in various ways. Las Vegas is a wonderful city, but I wouldn't want to live there. That's not my scene anymore. Once upon a time I could have thrived there. I caught myself looking at people as marks again, pointing out how easily their wallets could be mine. I scrutinized the dealers, in some instances playing them as I knew they were looking to play me.
And in the end I came back to who I am now. Probably a mistake given that I'm a lot lighter in the checkbook now, but at the same time...probably not a mistake. I am who I am now because I choose to be. I choose this Andrew over the previous incarnation because I choose to walk under the gaze of those angels who have gone before me. Hopefully one day I may rejoin them.
I'm still not over things yet. Probably because I still haven't begun to deal with them. In typical fashion I'll wait until circumstance backs me into a corner and I've no choice but to acknowledge it, deal with it and hopefully move on. Of course this poses it's own problems, I've never been good at moving on, indeed I'm still stuck in the ruts of years gone past.
I still won't close with a Gob bless. If God does issue blessings, He's going to have to prove it to me again. Because to let me down so collassally twice is a sin no father should go without accounting for.