WELL FUCK
Well today has been about a shitty day..He finally pushed me off the fucking edge..I knew this was coming..Making me feel like his little whore..I am sorry but I have more respect for myself then that (thanks Trav)!..Fuck that I even told him that I don't even want to be his friend anymore..I know that if I am I will never get over his dumb ass...It's just not worth it..He does nothing but make me feel like shit anyways so what is the point..Oh well I am better off without him anyways and I can't believe it has taken me all this time to figure that out..His fucking loss..I am the only one who will put up with his shit anyways he is going to be one lonly ass person..I know I am going to go through that whole being upset shit but I am just so mad right now..But fuck why should I even care..I have seen some of the shit he goes for and that is just laughable..I am just disappointed with myself for putting up with it that long..I don't know why I let myself get so attached to people..Fuck that..It only brings problems..I am all about fucking and what not but men are just problems and I need to get rid of this other one too..I can't wait to go home..It should do me some good..All I have been worrying about since I was in 6th grade are men and that shit get's old...It's been a long 6 years and I am fucking done with it..I am not even going to go out looking for one..I can deal with my co-dependancy on my own..If by some chance I find one it is going to go real slow...My fucking god I cannot even believe that I have let myself get this wrapped up in this love thing..I have forgotten who I am and all I gage my happiness by is who my boyfriend is or if I have one at all..That is no way to judge your life..I should be happy, I shouldn't be worried about what they think or if they want me or not...That is all I have consumed my life in latly..Fuck I know I need to be under some serious medications but I am going to try to deal with life without them..If I am at home I don't have to worry about up here and I can just be here three days a week and then go home..Or stay here and study and have fun with my friends..I don't even know what I was holding unto all this time anyways..I am seriously nerotic..Shit I knew it would never last..But I am just upset that I let it come to this...I was so happy all summer, I was with my friends and I had a blast..I didn't even worry about Andrew the guy I did like too much..I need to live my life like that..Just go day by day and make the best of them..I have a blast with my guy friends and they are the only men in I need in my life at this point..I know this journal will not be as exciting because I will have nothing to write about but hell beats just writing about my guy problems all the time..Well I am done now, done with it all...Wish me some fucking luck because this is going to take alot of getting used to.