So. Tired.
Zzzzzzzzzz. Huh? Oh, right. Posting.
It's only 6pm, and I'm ready to go to bed. Granted, I have to be up in just under 12 hours, so it's not as bad as it could be. I mean, it's not like I've only been up for 4 hours now. :) I was really concerned for myself last night because I keep...well, my brain has been unable to hold thoughts for very long, and it's totally sluggish. I played Monopoly with Beth and my dad last night, and I couldn't focus. And I was silly, which means I was obviously more tired than I realized at the time. I'm only silly when that post-exhausted adrenaline rush is pumping through my system. So I was concerned, worried there was something wrong with my brain. Until Jeremy reminded me that I've been running on 3 - 5 hours of sleep every day this week, then spending eight hours moving, hauling, shoving and *working.* AND I still eat the same amount I did before, so I think my body is plowing through it really fast, which doesn't help. I've been reminded what hungry means, which is nice. Now if my stomach could coordinate with my brain and help it figure out how to tell me, in an obvious and proper manner, when I'm tired, I'd be set.
Anyway, obviously I have a job. :) Yaaaaay! I'm working on the inventory team at Borders, and I enjoy it mightily. There are communications breakdowns occasionally, and sometimes when I ask a question, somebody else fixes the problem without telling me why or how to do it myself. That's somewhat annoying. But the people are sooo nice! And it's books! And it's active! And did I mention books? It's only $8/hr, but that's eight bucks more than I was making, and it's enough to get me a car...eventually. It has full insurance after a month, which is AWESOME, and one of the major reasons I fought to work there. Hopefully the plan hasn't changed in the year since we were enrolled. :T I did a file audit for Amanda (she's in HR) last week over three days, and I got $14/hr. It hurt knowing I made enough money in three days to buy a Wii without flinching. :( But I woke up the second day and really didn't want to go back...which is probably the biggest indicator to myself that I didn't like it, despite the money (I'm kind of dumb that way, since I've been conditioned to try hard and ignore my own feelings until they overwhelm me and force me to give up). It's been a week, and I haven't felt a hint of that hesitation. (Oops...I just felt in my pocket, and I brought a box cutter home with me...) Every job I've had where I quit relatively quickly, that feeling was there. But really, despite the fact that I can barely move right now without a great deal of pain from massively sore muscles, I love my job. It's exactly what I needed. :D I NEED the physical exertion, and not just because it'll help me lose weight. It's perfect for writing, in fact. It's social enough that the alone time with the people in my head will be welcomed, but not so much so as to wear me out internally. There may be higher politics, but I don't have to give a darn about them, 'cause I have no responsibilities beyond my job description. That is SUCH a relief. Our marketing manager is a gay Stanley Tucci, and adorably peppy (and freaking nice). The GM is lovely, and I actually managed to chat openly with her during my interview. My inventory manager is, I think, a lesbian (can't be sure, as I can spot a gay man at twenty paces, but generally have to be a woman is before I can see the signs...but...yeah...still pretty sure), but she's funny if a bit gruff and demanding, and she's nice and supportive. I have acquaintances among the general populace that could easily become friends - though the girl who's Cameron's age that I really liked works in the cafe, which means I'll rarely see her. I have stuff in common with these people, which is weird. I went to high school with one of them, though she didn't remember me and for the life of me, I can't remember what class or friend we had in common. But we were in the same graduating class, I think. Oh, I was talking about why it's good for writing. Right. I haven't been writing much in the last several (many) months because sitting too long (which can be only half an hour) makes me feel crappy. My head fills up, I get dizzy, and my sinuses have a cow. It's more than unpleasant. But the exercise provided with the job should help counteract that effect. AND Borders recently started an employee-publishing program. They review manuscripts, buy those they think are up to snuff, publish them and give them all the support Borders marketing can provide, which is a massive amount. I don't know the contractual details, though, so I don't know how good it is, but it's still there!
Anyway, my three days at Amanda's office were enough to validate my feeling that I wouldn't like an office job. I hated the environment, despite it being a sunny, lovely place. The corporate politics were stupid, the office relations were just plain scary, and the stress just dripped off of practically everybody there. I would have a nervous breakdown in an office job after a couple of months. The money just isn't worth it. And really, I don't want that much money right now. That sounds dumb, I'm sure, but we would end up spending it on stuff we don't need, forget how to manage our money, and then be screwed once Jeremy graduates. And in the end, we wouldn't have any more saved than we will on $8. Because at $14, I could get my own apartment as well as a car, and I'd do it. Having been without money for so long, I'm sure I'd have shopping sprees simply so if we ran out, I'd have what I need for another several years. And I don't want that. Money isn't everything. Right now, I'd rather have less stress and a job that managed both my weight and my old stress build-up than a job that paid well enough to pay off our credit cards. Maybe that's irresponsible of me, but I've spent long enough hating my life and being miserable. I'd much rather be poor and content than better off financially and crazy.
In other news, Jeremy starts filming Toosutaa tomorrow. That'll be fun, I hope. Yesterday was his birthday, and he spent half of it dealing with guys pushing 30 who couldn't be bothered to pay attention or communicate. Poor thing. Life at the house has stabilized, now my mother and I have had a massive fight and emerged from the other side with a better understanding of things. She actually told me it wasn't my job to worry about her, and to stop doing it...which...made an amazingly enormous difference.
And now I'm sure my pizza is cold, so I should go eat it before it goes away.
It's only 6pm, and I'm ready to go to bed. Granted, I have to be up in just under 12 hours, so it's not as bad as it could be. I mean, it's not like I've only been up for 4 hours now. :) I was really concerned for myself last night because I keep...well, my brain has been unable to hold thoughts for very long, and it's totally sluggish. I played Monopoly with Beth and my dad last night, and I couldn't focus. And I was silly, which means I was obviously more tired than I realized at the time. I'm only silly when that post-exhausted adrenaline rush is pumping through my system. So I was concerned, worried there was something wrong with my brain. Until Jeremy reminded me that I've been running on 3 - 5 hours of sleep every day this week, then spending eight hours moving, hauling, shoving and *working.* AND I still eat the same amount I did before, so I think my body is plowing through it really fast, which doesn't help. I've been reminded what hungry means, which is nice. Now if my stomach could coordinate with my brain and help it figure out how to tell me, in an obvious and proper manner, when I'm tired, I'd be set.
Anyway, obviously I have a job. :) Yaaaaay! I'm working on the inventory team at Borders, and I enjoy it mightily. There are communications breakdowns occasionally, and sometimes when I ask a question, somebody else fixes the problem without telling me why or how to do it myself. That's somewhat annoying. But the people are sooo nice! And it's books! And it's active! And did I mention books? It's only $8/hr, but that's eight bucks more than I was making, and it's enough to get me a car...eventually. It has full insurance after a month, which is AWESOME, and one of the major reasons I fought to work there. Hopefully the plan hasn't changed in the year since we were enrolled. :T I did a file audit for Amanda (she's in HR) last week over three days, and I got $14/hr. It hurt knowing I made enough money in three days to buy a Wii without flinching. :( But I woke up the second day and really didn't want to go back...which is probably the biggest indicator to myself that I didn't like it, despite the money (I'm kind of dumb that way, since I've been conditioned to try hard and ignore my own feelings until they overwhelm me and force me to give up). It's been a week, and I haven't felt a hint of that hesitation. (Oops...I just felt in my pocket, and I brought a box cutter home with me...) Every job I've had where I quit relatively quickly, that feeling was there. But really, despite the fact that I can barely move right now without a great deal of pain from massively sore muscles, I love my job. It's exactly what I needed. :D I NEED the physical exertion, and not just because it'll help me lose weight. It's perfect for writing, in fact. It's social enough that the alone time with the people in my head will be welcomed, but not so much so as to wear me out internally. There may be higher politics, but I don't have to give a darn about them, 'cause I have no responsibilities beyond my job description. That is SUCH a relief. Our marketing manager is a gay Stanley Tucci, and adorably peppy (and freaking nice). The GM is lovely, and I actually managed to chat openly with her during my interview. My inventory manager is, I think, a lesbian (can't be sure, as I can spot a gay man at twenty paces, but generally have to be a woman is before I can see the signs...but...yeah...still pretty sure), but she's funny if a bit gruff and demanding, and she's nice and supportive. I have acquaintances among the general populace that could easily become friends - though the girl who's Cameron's age that I really liked works in the cafe, which means I'll rarely see her. I have stuff in common with these people, which is weird. I went to high school with one of them, though she didn't remember me and for the life of me, I can't remember what class or friend we had in common. But we were in the same graduating class, I think. Oh, I was talking about why it's good for writing. Right. I haven't been writing much in the last several (many) months because sitting too long (which can be only half an hour) makes me feel crappy. My head fills up, I get dizzy, and my sinuses have a cow. It's more than unpleasant. But the exercise provided with the job should help counteract that effect. AND Borders recently started an employee-publishing program. They review manuscripts, buy those they think are up to snuff, publish them and give them all the support Borders marketing can provide, which is a massive amount. I don't know the contractual details, though, so I don't know how good it is, but it's still there!
Anyway, my three days at Amanda's office were enough to validate my feeling that I wouldn't like an office job. I hated the environment, despite it being a sunny, lovely place. The corporate politics were stupid, the office relations were just plain scary, and the stress just dripped off of practically everybody there. I would have a nervous breakdown in an office job after a couple of months. The money just isn't worth it. And really, I don't want that much money right now. That sounds dumb, I'm sure, but we would end up spending it on stuff we don't need, forget how to manage our money, and then be screwed once Jeremy graduates. And in the end, we wouldn't have any more saved than we will on $8. Because at $14, I could get my own apartment as well as a car, and I'd do it. Having been without money for so long, I'm sure I'd have shopping sprees simply so if we ran out, I'd have what I need for another several years. And I don't want that. Money isn't everything. Right now, I'd rather have less stress and a job that managed both my weight and my old stress build-up than a job that paid well enough to pay off our credit cards. Maybe that's irresponsible of me, but I've spent long enough hating my life and being miserable. I'd much rather be poor and content than better off financially and crazy.
In other news, Jeremy starts filming Toosutaa tomorrow. That'll be fun, I hope. Yesterday was his birthday, and he spent half of it dealing with guys pushing 30 who couldn't be bothered to pay attention or communicate. Poor thing. Life at the house has stabilized, now my mother and I have had a massive fight and emerged from the other side with a better understanding of things. She actually told me it wasn't my job to worry about her, and to stop doing it...which...made an amazingly enormous difference.
And now I'm sure my pizza is cold, so I should go eat it before it goes away.