Godsends.
No more flailing & failing.
So what if I started out fine? I started out my semesters at community college just fine, too; it is always this time of the semester when things get rough.
But this time it's different. I know true friendship now. When I had a near break-down Tuesday night I finally got up the courage to confide in someone. I ran into my friend Josh. He made me feel so good about myself by reassuring me and telling me I could come by his and Ben's room anytime, night or day, when I feel myself hanging by a thread. Of course, I knew this before, and have taken advantage of that opportunity in the past; but never confessing my pyschological and emotional state. Now that I have, I feel that a huge load is lifted off of my shoulders.
The morning after I talked to him, I was lying in bed half-awake struggling with the prospect of getting out of bed. I knew I did not have the strength to go to Brit. Fiction and I also knew that I could not just simply skip class with my paper due.
My cel phone rang. I answered it to hear a warm "good morning marsha!" Josh called me to see how I was feeling (and also, apparently their phone rang at 4 a.m. and they wondered if it had been me and to make sure i was okay). (He also told me that he had made me an appointment at the academic support center. So after lunch, he took me there and even went into my appointment with me for moral support. As a result? I have been granted permission to withdraw from one of my classes past the deadline, and won't get an F in it).
Anyway, that morning, after I got off the phone with him, I jumped out of bed, was ready in 15 minutes, and scurried over to campus, got my paper written and printed out, and was in my seat in Brit. Fic. only a couple of minutes late.
I have never had someone call me in the morning before just to say "good morning!" and "i just wanted to ask how you're feeling this morning." It makes me feel all warm & fuzzy inside! I could cry.
My poetry prof says that some of my poems really do remind her of Sylvia; which is a huge compliment of course, but I know that part of the reason is because I feel so much what Sylvia felt. And I have feared my entire life that I will end up like she did. But now... well, the possibility still hangs. But imagine that it's only a possibility now, and not a certainty! My pulse quickens at the idea.
And I know this much: it won't happen while I'm here.
It's amazing. It's a hand reaching down. It's one of those visible light-rays of sun that you see near sunset on days when the clouds are hanging low.
So what if I started out fine? I started out my semesters at community college just fine, too; it is always this time of the semester when things get rough.
But this time it's different. I know true friendship now. When I had a near break-down Tuesday night I finally got up the courage to confide in someone. I ran into my friend Josh. He made me feel so good about myself by reassuring me and telling me I could come by his and Ben's room anytime, night or day, when I feel myself hanging by a thread. Of course, I knew this before, and have taken advantage of that opportunity in the past; but never confessing my pyschological and emotional state. Now that I have, I feel that a huge load is lifted off of my shoulders.
The morning after I talked to him, I was lying in bed half-awake struggling with the prospect of getting out of bed. I knew I did not have the strength to go to Brit. Fiction and I also knew that I could not just simply skip class with my paper due.
My cel phone rang. I answered it to hear a warm "good morning marsha!" Josh called me to see how I was feeling (and also, apparently their phone rang at 4 a.m. and they wondered if it had been me and to make sure i was okay). (He also told me that he had made me an appointment at the academic support center. So after lunch, he took me there and even went into my appointment with me for moral support. As a result? I have been granted permission to withdraw from one of my classes past the deadline, and won't get an F in it).
Anyway, that morning, after I got off the phone with him, I jumped out of bed, was ready in 15 minutes, and scurried over to campus, got my paper written and printed out, and was in my seat in Brit. Fic. only a couple of minutes late.
I have never had someone call me in the morning before just to say "good morning!" and "i just wanted to ask how you're feeling this morning." It makes me feel all warm & fuzzy inside! I could cry.
My poetry prof says that some of my poems really do remind her of Sylvia; which is a huge compliment of course, but I know that part of the reason is because I feel so much what Sylvia felt. And I have feared my entire life that I will end up like she did. But now... well, the possibility still hangs. But imagine that it's only a possibility now, and not a certainty! My pulse quickens at the idea.
And I know this much: it won't happen while I'm here.
It's amazing. It's a hand reaching down. It's one of those visible light-rays of sun that you see near sunset on days when the clouds are hanging low.