Compositions and Coffee Beans (3/?)
<<
February 8th, Friday
“Professor Lee,” a soft voice called from the doorway. “Did you get my email?”
Taemin didn’t look up from his grading. “Hello, Jongin.”
The student cleared his throat and let the door click shut, leaving the two of them alone in the conference room. Taemin was the only one of their usual group who taught a class on Friday mornings.
“You can sit down,” Taemin said, finally letting go of his pen and turning to face Jongin as he slid into the chair next to him. Then he sighed. “Yes, I got your email...but, Jongin...I don’t think I can write a letter for you.”
Jongin’s expression visibly fell, and it struck Taemin suddenly how very young he looked. How young he was.
“I’m sorry,” Taemin said lamely.
“But...professor...can I ask why? You’ve seen some of my best work…” He glanced nervously at Taemin’s stack of papers. “Did I not do well on the paper? Because I can rewrite--”
“No, your paper was great, as always.” Taemin sighed again. “It’s just...I think you know why.” He bit his lips and dared to look Jongin in the eyes.
A crease appeared in between Jongin’s eyebrows. “I don’t understand.”
“You’re right, I could write you a great letter of recommendation, Jongin, that’s not the problem.” Taemin tried to swallow. “The problem is...it would feel unethical writing it, because...I...really like you.”
They sat in an incredibly awkward silence for a few moments, until Taemin couldn’t take it anymore and picked up his red pen again. He underlined some words on the current page without really reading them.
Finally, Jongin spoke up, so quietly it was hard to hear him. “I really like you, too.”
Taemin almost fell out of his chair when Jongin’s hand gently covered his own holding the red pen. He stared at their layered hands for a second before he yanked his away. “Jongin, this is what I was afraid of. We can’t do this.”
“Can’t do what?”
“This!” Taemin raised his voice as much as he dared, gesturing between himself and Jongin. “Are you crazy? There are already rumors going around about a professor/student relationship…”
“And...you think they’re about you and me?” Jongin’s eyes widened.
“I don’t know,” Taemin said, forcing himself to speak calmly again. “But I don’t want to give them any reason to investigate. We need to be more professional with each other from now on, okay?”
“Okay, I understand.” Jongin slowly got up from his seat. “See you in class.”
Taemin told himself he did the right thing, even though watching Jongin leave felt completely wrong.
February 14th, Thursday
Jonghyun stood just outside the conference room, headphones blasting Chopin in his ears, and fingered the edges of the origami paper rose he’d spent a couple hours researching how to make the night before. It was a little sloppy, but probably as good as it was going to get. Jonghyun inhaled, switching off his ipod and sliding his headphones down to cradle his neck, and placed his hand on the door handle.
Just then, Taemin’s voice carried from inside the room. “You haven’t been to class all week, and you haven’t turned in any assignments. This isn’t like you, Jongin.”
There was a long pause, and Jonghyun wondered if Taemin was on the phone rather than talking to someone who was actually in the room with him. He was about to open the door, but then a second voice came through clearly. “I’m sorry. I just can’t do it.”
“Jongin, you’re an excellent student, of course you can--”
He cut Taemin off. “That isn’t what I meant and you know it. I can’t do what you asked last week. I can’t come to class and pretend like I only see you as a professor and nothing else. I can’t sit there listening to you and taking notes when what I really want to be doing…”
Jonghyun didn’t know what made him open the door at that moment, but he immediately wished that he hadn’t.
Taemin and this student, Jongin, were sitting close next to each other, their chairs almost touching and their lips just centimeters apart. Jongin jerked back when the door opened and Taemin’s eyes widened at him, guilt all over both their faces.
“I have to go,” Jongin said, quickly gathering his things as Jonghyun slowly crossed the room as if he wasn’t entirely aware of what he was doing.
Taemin stared after him until the door closed behind him and then he stared at Jonghyun.
Jonghyun finally seemed to come back to his sense as he burst out, “What the hell was that! Not dating anyone, my ass! And--”
“I was going to push him away,” Taemin said, his voice sounding oddly hollow and quiet.
“Were you, though?” Jonghyun lowered his own voice to match Taemin’s tone. He wrapped his hand around the folded paper in his pocket and squeezed it.
Taemin looked down at his new stack of essays as the door opened to admit Minho, Key, and Jinki. Minho set down their tray of coffees in the center of the conference table. The sound echoed loudly in the new silence.
“Taemin,” Minho said, sounding awed.
“What?” Taemin replied a little too quickly, defensively.
“Jonghyun isn’t talking. You got Jonghyun to shut up,” he said, laughing. “It must be a sign of the apocalypse.”
Jinki laughed too as he sat down. Key shook his head. “That can’t be. Someone other than Do Kyungsoo will get an A in my intro class before that happens,” he said, to more laughter from the others.
“I’m just...going to go to my classroom a little early,” Jonghyun said stiffly. His chair slid back noisily as he got up and he fished around in his pocket for the origami rose, now misshapen from being crushed in his fist. He tossed it lamely onto the table. “Happy Valentine’s Day,” he deadpanned before he left the room.
>>