Love Again
Pairing: Kaisoo, side!Suhan
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, AU
Word Count: ~9000
Summary: One thing Kyungsoo knew about summer love was that it's not supposed to last. Another thing he knew about summer love was that it would never happen to him.
Cross-posted to AFF here
Title and lyric credit to TVXQ!
We will fall. Fall in love all over again.
헤어진 적 없는 듯. Fall in love all over again.
다시 내게 안겨. 네가 없던 긴 시간들을 지워버려.
처음 사랑에 빠졌던 그 날로 돌아가.
We will fall, fall in love all over again
As if we never broke up, fall in love all over again
Come back into my arms, erase the times without you
Go back to the days we first fell in love
The first summer that Kyungsoo worked at the jewelry store was a hot one. The temperatures reached record-breaking highs almost every day, and there was no air conditioning in the store. The door was kept propped open as a result, and the only relief from the heat came on those blessed days when there was a slight breeze outside. On the day from that summer that he remembered most clearly, though, the air had hung heavy and motionless, humidity essentially promising a storm to come later.
Kyungsoo rested his cheek on the knuckles of one hand while he counted money from the cash register with the other. He had already lost count three times with just this one small section of bills he was handling. The hot, humid air felt like it was pressing in on him, making it difficult to think clearly. The small beads of sweat that had been gathering on the cusp of his brow finally banded together and slid down his temple.
He finally finished counting the stack in his hand, locked up the register and the doors, and headed to the convenience store across the street. The sky was streaked with pink, indicating that the sun was beginning to set, but the heat was even more oppressive outside, if not for the soft wind that Kyungsoo hadn’t really been able to feel as much from behind the jewelry store counter.
Kyungsoo reached the convenience store and had to pause in front of the automatic doors for an extra second before they actually parted to admit him, thinking that the heat seemed to make everything happen in slow motion--people dragged their feet as they walked, hours seemed to stretch on longer, and now apparently doors slowed down a little, too. But unlike at the jewelry store, Kyungsoo was hit with a blast of cold air as soon as he entered.
He headed straight for the back where the coolers were and picked out an iced tea-lemonade and a sandwich before getting in line behind a group of high school students who were laughing loudly and shoving each other playfully. Kyungsoo felt around his pockets, forgetting which one he had stuffed his things in that morning.
“Thanks, have a great day,” the cashier said and the students left in a giggling group. “Hello,” he greeted Kyungsoo as he moved forward, placing his items on the counter and continuing to search for his money.
Kyungsoo finally managed to extract some bills from the depths of his pocket and looked up at the cashier, a young man around his own age. “Hi,” he replied and the cashier smiled as he rang up Kyungsoo’s sandwich.
“Hot today, isn’t it,” he commented.
Kyungsoo slid the bills across the counter and nodded. “I don’t even have air conditioning where I work. You’re lucky you do.” He laughed.
“Where do you work?” The cashier looked at him with subtle incredulity. Kyungsoo wouldn’t have thought someone could be subtly incredulous, but this cashier--Kyungsoo squinted at his nametag and read Jongin--somehow managed it. His full jaw and straight brows above dark eyes created just the right angles to make it happen. Kyungsoo wasn’t a photographer, but he thought this boy would make a great model. All his expressions held a reserved kind of intensity, not over the top, but just dramatic enough to keep Kyungsoo wanting to look at his face.
Realizing he’d been asked a question, Kyungsoo cleared his throat and gestured toward the door. “Jewelry store across the street.”
The cashier, or Jongin, nodded once, lips parted slightly. “Well,” he said, looking down at the counter at Kyungsoo’s sandwich. “You can stay here and eat if you want.” He shrugged. “I’m the only one working today and I don’t mind if you want to sit in the break room or something. Now that you told me about your horrible working conditions I feel partially responsible for you and I don’t want you to die of heat stroke or anything.” Those full lips curled into a mini smirk that had Kyungsoo’s thoughts scrambling for purchase inside his head.
He managed a laugh. “Thanks, it’s really okay though. I don’t think it’s really hot enough for anything like that to happen. And I actually just closed up the store for tonight.”
“Seems I’m not the one with all the luck. There’s three more hours left of my shift and I’m unbearably lonely, so...stay and eat with me? Please?”
Kyungsoo laughed again and shrugged and they ended up sitting together in the heavily air conditioned convenience store break room (Kyungsoo was actually tempted to turn the temperature up a little) while he ate his sandwich and Jongin munched on some snacks he’d brought from home.
“How long have you been working at that store?” Jongin asked conversationally.
Kyungsoo took a sip of his drink before he responded. “I just started this summer. It’s alright, but I get pretty bored since I’m the only one in the store and there’s hardly anything to do most days.”
He explained how the store stayed in business mainly through people buying and selling online. Occasionally, wealthy middle-aged men would come in looking for anniversary gifts for their wives, but most days passed without any customers at all.
He trailed off when he realized he’d been talking for a long time and Jongin hadn’t asked for details.
But the other looked interested. “You must understand my pain then. I’m usually the only one working here, and you’re the only one working there.”
Kyungsoo laughed. “I think you’re a little busier than I am.”
“Well, the hours still drag on with no one to talk to. Will you come eat lunch here tomorrow?” Jongin asked.
“I’ll see if I can manage it,” Kyungsoo said breezily, but if he was being honest with himself, he was already looking forward to it.
It was one of the least enthusiastic responses to an invitation possible, but Jongin grinned like he’d just found $20 on the sidewalk. “Great.”
Kyungsoo spotted Jongin’s navy blue baseball cap behind the register even before the automatic doors finished sliding open all the way. His eyes were hidden beneath it and his knuckles, which were rubbing sleepily at his lids.
“Hi,” Kyungsoo said, approaching the counter. Jongin leapt back in surprise, blinking his eyes open. Kyungsoo eyed him with amusement. “Someone’s jumpy today.”
“You snuck up on me,” Jongin accused, but he was mostly looking down at the floor as he said it. He pinched the brim of his hat between his fingers and lifted it up, revealing messy black hair sticking up in random directions. Kyungsoo noticed his ears were very pink as he quickly flattened it back down onto his head.
Kyungsoo chuckled.
“I’m not at my most alert when I don’t have my coffee in the morning, ok?” Jongin tried to rationalize.
“Okay,” Kyungsoo said, still laughing.
“Anyway, you’re early,” the cashier said, now smiling too. “I wouldn’t have pegged you for an early bird, but eh, I guess that job of yours really is boring and you just couldn’t wait to leave.”
“I’ll pick out a sandwich,” said Kyungsoo. He quickly turned to walk towards the back of the store, imagining Jongin watching him with half of his mouth still curled into a smirk and he suddenly felt warm again despite the aggressive A/C.
The subtle intensity was back on Jongin’s face when he rang up Kyungsoo’s sandwich and his iced tea-lemonade. “Any customers today?” he asked.
“None yet,” Kyungsoo answered, “but there’s a woman coming in later who wants an old pin appraised.”
Jongin looked up at Kyungsoo when he handed him his change. “You know how to appraise stuff?”
Kyungsoo snorted. “No. The owner of the store does. This is just a part-time gig for me. I’m a business student.”
“No way. I’m applying to business school in the States,” Jongin told him, closing up the register and motioning for Kyungsoo to follow him to the break room.
“Really? Wow, good luck then.”
Jongin smiled. “Thanks.”
Jongin talked on about the schools he was applying to and his applications and the next time Kyungsoo looked at the clock, he realized he’d been gone far longer than the thirty minute break he was allowed to have in the middle of the day.
“I should go,” he said eventually.
“Alright,” Jongin said, collecting the various food wrappers around them and crunching them in his hand as he stood up.
Kyungsoo clutched his nearly empty bottle of iced tea-lemonade and followed Jongin out of the room.
“So…” said Jongin when he had reached his post behind the register and Kyungsoo was halfway to the door. “Want to stop by on your way home?”
Kyungsoo opened his mouth to respond, but Jongin cut him off, adding, “I would prefer an answer this time, if possible. Not ‘I’ll see if I can manage it.’” Jongin gave him a knowing look and a smile that made Kyungsoo’s face flush.
“Okay,” he said. Jongin raised his eyebrows at him and he cleared his throat and clarified, “Okay as in yes. I’ll come by later.”
“Looking forward to it,” Jongin snickered as he turned on the register and Kyungsoo slipped outside.
The hours passed by even more slowly than they had that morning. There were no customers after the old woman with the pin left and Kyungsoo tried to concentrate on his reading, but he kept getting interrupted by thoughts of messy black hair and ears dip-dyed a bashful red, hidden beneath a navy blue cap.
The time on his phone finally changed from 5:59 to 6:00 and Kyungsoo practically jumped up to shut down the register and lock the doors.
“Kyungsoo. Back so soon,” Jongin said when Kyungsoo approached the counter again.
“You invited me.” Kyungsoo took a look around and noticed they were the only ones in the store. He hoisted himself up to sit on the counter in front of Jongin, rifling through some of the packages of candy that were on display.
“You accepted the invitation.” Jongin gave a short laugh as he watched Kyungsoo read the label on a package of gummy bears and then put it back.
“I suppose I did,” Kyungsoo mused, now looking at a box of Junior Mints. “So how busy has it been today?”
“Not very.” Jongin squatted down to fold his elbows on the counter and look up at Kyungsoo. “It sucks actually, because I could use a distraction. When I get home, a decision from my top choice school might be in the mail.”
“So I’m your distraction?” Kyungsoo smiled. Jongin returned it.
“For the moment.”
Kyungsoo eventually selected a package of Swedish fish and placed it down in front of Jongin’s chin. “Ring this up for me?”
“You got it.” Jongin straightened his knees and scanned the package. He licked his lips as he clicked something on the computer screen.
Kyungsoo handed over some coins and tilted his head to get a better look at the monitor.
“Wow, this looks a lot different than the register we use at the jewelry store,” Kyungsoo observed.
Jongin shrugged, pointing at the bottom section of the screen. “It’s pretty straightforward. The commands are all just here…oh, actually, that’s not true, some of them are over here...maybe it’s not so straightforward.”
He turned his head to look at him and Kyungsoo was surprised by how close together their faces were. It was making his heart throb a little too harshly while he watched Jongin’s gaze slowly drop to his lips.
At that moment, the automatic doors slid open and another gaggle of high school students wandered in.
“You’ve got customers, I better let you get back to work,” Kyungsoo said, pulling away with his package of candy and smiling. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The wind was starting to pick up when he walked outside, making the leaves on the trees flip over and flash their pale undersides. Kyungsoo’s lips stretched themselves across his face without his permission and he angled his chin down as he walked, trying not to burst out laughing at the ground. The few other people on the sidewalk probably thought he was crazy, but Kyungsoo didn’t care.
He was sure Jongin had wanted to kiss him. He thought this was all happening a little fast, but it had been a long time since Kyungsoo had been so interested in anyone. He sighed and popped a few more pieces of the chewy fish-shaped candies in his mouth. It was really too bad Jongin was probably leaving the country.
Jongin was yawning behind a hand when Kyungsoo next approached the counter, balancing his snacks and drinks on his hip with his left hand while his right hand dug through his pocket for his some change.
“Tired again?” He nodded to the cashier as he let all the items drop the counter unceremoniously.
“You’re the one who’s buying two frappuccinos,” Jongin remarked, scanning the barcode on the first of the glass bottles.
Kyungsoo barked out a laugh. “One of them is for you, you dolt.”
Jongin blinked as if in surprise, but recovered remarkably quickly, pushing his lips into a pout. “But these are both coffee flavored. I like the mocha flavored one more.”
Kyungsoo snatched his receipt from the machine before Jongin could give it to him and slid the drinks toward himself protectively. “Maybe I will just drink both of these myself then, you entitled brat.”
Jongin’s lips were fighting to stay in a straight line but they lost the battle and he cackled. “No, you won’t.”
“And why wouldn’t I?” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows rose so far they blended in with his choppy bangs.
Jongin folded his arms over his chest and surveyed Kyungsoo for a long moment. The movement of his dark eyes over every inch of his body made Kyungsoo long to fidget, but he forced himself to keep still and throw a hard gaze back.
“Because you like me.”
The words felt like they had sucked all the oxygen from Kyungsoo’s lungs and he just stood there, lips forming various shapes but not managing to make any sound. Realizing he must look ridiculous, he decidedly clamped his mouth shut and tentatively met Jongin’s eyes again. They were twinkling and his lip was quirked up a little at the corner with that smug, amused expression that made Kyungsoo feel like kicking something or maybe kissing it off his face.
Kyungsoo noticed his hand was tightly gripping the neck of one of the bottles and he uncurled it slowly as he felt the blush on his face intensifying. “Well, is it that obvious?”
Jongin laughed again, softer this time. “Yeah. But it’s okay. I like you, too.”
Kyungsoo smiled down at his hand that was now laying flat on the counter and swallowed his surprise when Jongin slid his own hand forward, his fingers nudging their way in between Kyungsoo’s.
“So in case you were wondering,” he said, “I got rejected from my top choice school.”
Kyungsoo was still staring at their loosely entwined hands and it took him a couple beats before he even registered what it was that Jongin had said.
“Oh, sorry,” Kyungsoo managed once he’d recovered a little and remembered how Jongin had been waiting for the results yesterday. “It’s just one school, though, right? You applied to others.”
Jongin managed a small smile again as he nodded. “I might get rejected from all of them, though. And then I’ll never leave. You just might be stuck with me forever.”
Kyungsoo thought it would probably be inconsiderate to express just how much he wished that would happen.
It was one of those rare days when Kyungsoo’s coworker, Joonmyun, was actually on the clock alongside Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo both enjoyed and loathed those days, because while Joonmyun was friendly and kind and the opposite of lazy, he also took his job a little too seriously.
“Kyungsoo!” An alarmed shout came from the back room and startled Kyungsoo out of his daydream fantasy which may or may not have involved convenience store counters, plump lips, and long fingers.
He reluctantly rolled up his package of Swedish fish and stuck it in a cubby under the counter. Kyungsoo’s chair protested loudly as he slid back and stood up to make his way to the back room. He cautiously peered his head in the doorway. “What is it, sunbae?”
Joonmyun began gesturing wildly at the computer screen. “Did you close out the register last night, Kyungsoo?”
“Yes…” Kyungsoo blinked, no idea where he was going with this.
“Well, apparently, the balance has been off since two days ago! Do you know anything about that?”
Kyungsoo’s eyebrows creased together and he chewed on his lip in thought, trying to mentally retrace the steps he had taken to close the shop last night and the night before. “No. I don’t remember it being off yesterday.”
“I see...well...Kyungsoo, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything, but if you’re honest with me now, I’m sure the penalties won’t be--”
Realizing what Joonmyun was implying, Kyungsoo burst out, “Sunbae! I didn’t steal anything from the register! How much is it off by?”
Joonmyun kept talking as if he hadn’t heard. “As I said, I don’t mean to accuse you, there’s also a remote possibility that an outsider could have--”
“Sunbae! How much is it off by?” Kyungsoo demanded, more firmly this time.
“1,338 won,” Joonmyun told him.
Kyungsoo resisted the urge to clap his palm to his face.
“It’s off by 1,338 won, Kyungsoo!” Joonmyun repeated.
“Yes, I heard you the first time,” Kyungsoo grumbled.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” Kyungsoo huffed in frustration. “I just mean...that’s...like...the price of a pack of gum. I highly doubt there’s any thievery involved here. One of us probably miscounted the drawer at some point. It happens.”
Joonmyun sighed, rubbing his cherry red lips together before he spoke again. “Yes, yes, I suppose you’re right. I’m sorry, I got a little carried away. I’ll tell Manager-nim about this. You should go back out to the front. What if a customer comes in?”
Kyungsoo didn’t point out that he hadn’t even come back here on his own accord. “Okay, sunbae.”
He turned to head back out, but Joonmyun was talking again before he’d even taken a step. “And, speaking of gum, chew some, would you? If a customer does come in, it’d be preferable if your breath didn’t smell like artificial cherry, or strawberry, or...whatever it is that those candies you keep eating are actually intended to taste like.”
Kyungsoo smiled to himself. “Yes, sunbae.”
He plopped himself back down at the front counter and remembered how he had rushed through closing the other night because Jongin had wanted to see him. No doubt that was the reason the balance was off, but he’d rather put up with Joonmyun’s neuroticism the rest of the week than admit it.
He dug his hand into his pocket for the package of gum he always carried around with him pulled out an empty pack of Wrigley’s 5 Rain. It looked like he’d have to stop at the convenience store again tonight. Out of necessity, of course.
Kyungsoo locked the ring he’d been polishing before Joonmyun called him back in its case and gave up trying to find something else to clean. He resigned himself to hoping his coworker wouldn’t come out from the back room and see him sitting there idly. Trying to look like you were doing something productive when there was really nothing left to do was exhausting.
He pulled out his phone to find no new messages and he opened the internet browser to entertain himself instead. Hesitantly, he typed the name of one of the American universities Jongin was applying to. He scrolled around the website, impressed by how crisp and prestigious everything about the school looked. He felt like he was getting ahead of himself and ahead of everything, really, but he couldn’t help imagining what it would be like a few months from now, with Jongin there, having amazing new experiences, and Kyungsoo still here, attending his plain university and living his plain life. And he couldn’t help wishing for things to be different. He bit the head off of a Swedish fish and sighed.
Kyungsoo closed up the store under the watchful eye of Joonmyun. The drawer was still off by 1,338 won, but the older boy had at least seemed to make the assessment that the world would go on turning.
It wasn’t quite as hot that night as it had been in the last few weeks, Kyungsoo noticed when he stepped outside. He even shivered a little when the convenience store’s A/C blasted him. Jongin was alone at the register as per usual, spinning a baseball cap on his index finger. Kyungsoo marched directly up to the counter in search of his preferred flavor of gum, murmuring a hello.
He slapped his package of Wrigley’s 5 Rain on the counter and Jongin had this sort of teasing smile on his face while he rang it up. “You’re looking awfully spiffy today, Do Kyungsoo-sshi.”
Kyungsoo blinked suddenly at the use of his surname. He didn’t even remember ever having said what it was.
“Real official.” Jongin laughed and flicked Kyungsoo’s magnetic nametag. Damn it. He was always forgetting to take that thing off.
Then he blushed. Spiffy? Who even used words like that? “Who even uses words like ‘spiffy?’” Kyungsoo spluttered.
Jongin laughed again. “You could just take the compliment, you know.”
More heat flooded Kyungsoo’s cheeks as he gritted out, “Thank you.”
“I love making you blush. It’s cute.”
Kyungsoo was reduced to making useless and wordless shapes with his lips again.
And then, as if that hadn’t just been incredibly awkward, Jongin pointed to the pack of gum. “Can I have one?”
Kyungsoo shrugged. “Knock yourself out.”
Jongin carefully unwrapped the package and freed one pale green stick from its foil encasing, stuffing it in his mouth and chewing with gusto.
Kyungsoo just watched his own fingers as he closed the pack back up and stuck it in his pocket, not really able to think of something else to say when Jongin was still looking at him with that contemplative expression that for whatever reason made him feel so vulnerable.
Jongin paused in his chewing. “Kyungsoo. Will you come for a drive with me? I want to show you something.”
Kyungsoo’s hand froze in his pocket. This was different. Up until now, they had talked and laughed and, sure, flirted a little (or a lot), but this was definitely different. Jongin was suggesting that they go somewhere other than this convenience store together, presumably alone.
Kyungsoo knew his thinking was over the top, but he felt like if he said yes to Jongin they’d be crossing the threshold of some kind of point of no return. A point at which they’d fall into something that maybe both of them wanted but knew they weren’t prepared for and couldn’t last.
“Yeah, sure. Sounds...good.” The words left Kyungsoo’s lips in a graceless avalanche of agreement. He would have liked to imagine the inside of his brain as being full of great stacks of words, weighed and carefully chosen based on their potential consequences, but Jongin had been messing up his organized life from the moment they’d met.
“Are you going to tell me where it is we’re going?” he asked after Jongin had clocked out and Kyungsoo had clicked his seatbelt in place on the passenger side of Jongin’s little black sports car.
“What would be the fun in that?” Jongin replied, turning his key and not peeling out of the driveway as Kyungsoo might have expected, but taking a rather cautious left turn out onto the street.
They didn’t talk much after that, but Kyungsoo found that he didn’t mind. His usual anxious feeling of needing to say something, anything, in order to fill in the silence just wasn’t there with Jongin, Kyungsoo realized. This was really nice, he thought, to be able to enjoy someone’s presence without needing to force a conversation. The hum of the engine and the rush of the traffic outside was plenty of background noise along with the R&B station Jongin had on the radio quietly playing old school Ne-yo.
Jongin breezed through the center of the city and as the sun began to set Kyungsoo could feel the air cooling around them through the rolled down windows. He played with his fingers in his lap when they reached the outskirts of town and the buildings started to look shabbier and fewer people were out on the streets. He swallowed down his uneasiness, glancing at Jongin and hoping he wasn’t showing any signs of his sheltered rich kid upbringing.
“Do you live around here?” Kyungsoo decided to ask after a moment of indecision. It was an innocent enough question, he thought, or rather hoped.
“I used to,” Jongin answered softly.
“Oh. Is that where we’re going?” Kyungsoo looked out the window again as they turned down a narrow, one-way street and soon the residential areas gave way to a patch of grassy, undeveloped land.
“No. What I’m showing you is way cooler than my old house. Come on, we’re here,” he said, pulling the car over and Kyungsoo barely had his seatbelt off before Jongin was trotting around to the passenger side to tug him outside.
Kyungsoo tried not to think too much about Jongin’s hand cupping his own as they walked on. The grass on the side of the street was overgrown with weeds and even some wildflowers. At the top of a little hill, looking remarkably out of place and yet incredibly fitting like a scene in a movie, stood a wooden grand piano. Curious vines climbed up its legs, twisting around them and hugging them. They inched closer and Kyungsoo made out some graffiti and some initials of lovers carved into the base.
“Wow.” Kyungsoo glanced around. “How did this even get here?” he asked.
Jongin released Kyungsoo’s hand and walked around the instrument, examining the back. “Well, I take credit for that.”
Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
Jongin continued staring at the piano saying nothing else and Kyungsoo prompted, “Care to elaborate?”
“Um. Yeah. I brought you here to show you this, so I’m gonna tell you about it. Okay,” Jongin mumbled, like he was talking mostly to himself instead of him and Kyungsoo marveled at how shy he seemed sometimes.
“It was for a girl I liked,” Jongin finally said sheepishly. “We were friends since we were kids, and she loved piano music. Her family was really poor, so she could never afford real lessons or anything except at school. She was always staying there late, practicing, because she couldn’t have a piano or even a keyboard at home. But she was always saying how lucky she was, because a lot of her friends wanted to learn music too, but they didn’t have the same opportunities at school, and...so, without her knowing, I worked all summer, two years in a row, to save up enough money to buy this piano. Me and my friends loaded it on a truck and brought it up here.”
Jongin paused, looking up at Kyungsoo with searching eyes. Kyungsoo didn’t really know how to respond so far, just hoping that Jongin would continue and thankfully he did.
“I thought that...when she saw it and I confessed to her that she’d...I don’t know. I don’t know what I thought. It seems really stupid, now. But there you go. She was really...touched and everything, I guess, but she didn’t feel the same way about me.”
“Oh,” Kyungsoo managed to say. “I’m sorry.”
Jongin nodded, clearing his throat. “But...anyway…yeah...so...we kept it here. And it’s been here ever since. So anyone who wants to play can come out here and play it.” He shrugged. “You think I’m crazy, right?"
“No,” Kyungsoo said. “I think you’re…” He approached the piano, trailing his hand over the keys that were yellowing and starting to show signs of weather damage. He sat down gingerly on the bench and let out a breath. “Wow. You probably made a lot of people really happy with this.”
“Maybe, but I did it for kind of a selfish reason. It’s just...I would never have done something like this if it weren’t for her, you know? I still feel guilty about that sometimes. But that’s also why I like to come back here sometimes. It reminds me...you never really know the impact something will have in the beginning, do you?”
Kyungsoo was arranging his hand over the keys he was pretty sure created a C Major chord when Jongin’s fingers threaded themselves in between his, the way they had that day at the front counter of the convenience store.
“Not unless you’re me,” Kyungsoo suddenly joked, trying to poke a hole in the balloon of tension he could feel expanding around them. “I’m psychic.”
Jongin gave a short laugh as he sat down beside Kyungsoo, so close their thighs were touching. “Oh, really? What am I thinking now, then?”
Kyungsoo could only meet the other’s eyes for a millisecond before he had to look away. Jongin was one of those people who were achingly beautiful. “Not that kind of psychic.”
“Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo looked up again and this time he held Jongin’s gaze. He was always fascinated by the way he’d so often say Kyungsoo’s name as if it were its own sentence before getting to what it was that he actually wanted to say. It was as if he liked the way the syllables rolled off his tongue so much that he’d take any chance he could find to say them.
“I really want to kiss you.”
A tiny beam of lightning forced its way inside Kyungsoo’s chest. Jongin was still looking at him, and smiling, one side of his mouth a little higher than the other. It was silly and ridiculous but it made Kyungsoo really want to kiss him, too.
And he tilted his chin up to meet Jongin’s lips. It was slow, careful, just a tiny nudge, but Jongin was nudging back and then his eyes were closing and their lips were parting like they’d wanted to do all along.
Jongin tasted like Wrigley’s 5 Rain, spearmint. Kyungsoo thought fleetingly that his own mouth probably still tasted like Swedish fish, but Jongin didn’t seem to care if the way he was deepening the kiss was any indication.
But Jongin pulled away then with a tiny kiss to the corner of his mouth, rubbing his thumb gently over Kyungsoo’s hand in their lap. “Kyungsoo. Do you know what I found when I got home last night?”
He had an idea after a moment of thought, but he stayed silent, waiting for Jongin to confirm it.
“An acceptance letter to my second choice,” he said, quietly, as though making sure no one would listen in, even though they seemed quite alone.
“Congratulations, I knew you’d get in,” Kyungsoo told him, matching the quiet tone even though he hadn’t even meant to.
“Thanks,” Jongin said, small smile appearing again. “I’ve been thinking though...maybe I won’t go.”
Kyungsoo blinked. “What? Why not?”
“It’s just that it’s so far away, and my whole family is here. What if they need me?” Jongin stood up. He pressed down the key of the highest note on the piano so slowly that it didn’t make a sound.
Kyungsoo rubbed his lips together, remembering when Jongin had told him how excited his family had been about the possibility of him studying at a foreign university and thought maybe there was more to these sudden second thoughts.
“And...you’re here, too,” Jongin said a moment later, confirming his suspicions.
Kyungsoo stood up too. “I can’t ask you to give up your future for a...summer fling.”
“Is that all we are?” Jongin’s eyes flickered over Kyungsoo as though seeing him for the first time.
“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo said, lamely.
“Well, that’s just it,” said Jongin. “It’s too early to tell, isn’t it? We don’t know what we could be. And I want to find out. Do you?”
Kyungsoo drew a shaky breath. “Yes. I do, Jongin. I like you. A lot. And I know, I haven’t shown it all that well. But...it’s…” He hesitated, unsure if he really wanted to say what he was thinking, but stacks of words were avalanching in his brain again. “It’s just because I’m afraid. Afraid I’ll care too much.”
“I already care too much,” Jongin said gently.
The words pricked behind Kyungsoo’s eyes. “Jongin,” he said, “if you go away to school, it doesn’t mean it’s forever. I hope you do take the opportunity. Not because I want you to leave. Just because it is a great opportunity for you. I hope you can see...that’s me caring about you, too.”
It was almost 7pm at the convenience store on Friday when Jongin asked Kyungsoo to come over after his shift. Kyungsoo hadn’t really hesitated in saying yes, but if it had been different when Jongin had asked him to go for a drive, this was different, too. In a whole other way.
The week had passed by more normally than Kyungsoo might have imagined it would after their conversation by the piano. Jongin hadn’t brought up going away to school again, and Kyungsoo just followed his lead and kept their talks restricted to...well, anything except for the impending decision.
Truthfully, Kyungsoo wanted to discuss it. He wanted to know what Jongin was thinking, whether he was leaning toward going or staying, but he could sense Jongin didn’t want to talk about it. Also, he couldn’t even be honest with himself about what he wanted Jongin to tell him.
So instead, he avoided the subject and told Jongin about Joonmyun and the miscounted drawer fiasco, about his best friend at school who he hadn’t seen in ages, about his family and about his guilty pleasure, Prince of Tennis. He was always worried that he was boring him, but Jongin wanted to know everything.
When Jongin kissed him, usually in plain sight behind the front counter, he would rake his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair and fist his hands in Kyungsoo’s button-down. He always came away with flyaways that he couldn’t flatten back down and wrinkles in his clothes, which normally he couldn’t stand, but he never felt any compulsion to fix it when Jongin was the one making him that way.
It became somewhat of a game for them--how far they could get before a customer came in. They had a few close calls, but other than one scandalized expression from an older woman and one raised eyebrow from a kid near their own age, they did pretty well in staying unnoticed. They got better at it as time went on and Jongin learned not to shove Kyungsoo onto his knees to disappear under the counter when customers came in the door if he really wanted to stay looking composed in front of them.
It should have been great. As long as nothing was for sure yet, it should have felt like Jongin might stay, that he really wanted to stay. But not knowing for sure was making Kyungsoo just as crazy as not wanting to know.
That’s how Kyungsoo found himself in the passenger seat of Jongin’s car again, settling into that comfortable silence he still appreciated.
“My parents are working late, so we have the place to ourselves for a while,” Jongin told him as they stepped over the Welcome mat and entered his family’s apartment.
It was cozy, Kyungsoo thought, looking around. It was nice.
The walls in Jongin’s room were covered in pictures. Pictures of his dogs, pictures of him in dance class as a kid, pictures of him with girls Kyungsoo thought might be his sisters and some other people who Kyungsoo didn’t know. One picture near the center of the wall caught his attention. First he recognized the piano on the top of the hill, and next, he recognized himself as the person sitting on the bench.
Jongin chuckled when he saw what he was staring at. “It was a good photo op.”
“You could have just told me you wanted a picture. Maybe I’d even pose for you,” Kyungsoo joked.
“Okay then, I want a picture,” Jongin said, taking out a polaroid camera out of his desk drawer and flopping onto the bed. “Come here.”
Kyungsoo felt his lips turn up in a smile as he laid down next to him on the bed and flashed a V sign up at the camera viewfinder. When the photo came out, Jongin handed it to Kyungsoo. “You can have this one. I’m guessing your walls are probably bare.”
Kyungsoo laughed, taking the photo and tracing the image of Jongin’s toothy smile with a finger. “They won’t be anymore. Thanks.”
He set it down on the endtable and looked up at the ceiling. They stayed like that for a few minutes, silent except for the sound of each other’s breathing.
“I sent in the deposit,” Jongin said abruptly, and Kyungsoo stiffened as he turned to look Jongin in the face.
“You--you did.” Kyungsoo’s lips formed the words numbly as he tried to sound as upbeat as possible.
“Yeah. I’m going to the States.”
“That’s great, congratulations.” Kyungsoo propped himself up on an elbow.
“Thanks,” Jongin said, but his accompanying smile was more of a simple curved line on his face than a true smile.
“Don’t sound too excited,” Kyungsoo said sarcastically, attempting humor. “I know you’ll really miss working at the convenience store, but...” He let the end of the sentence trail off unfinished.
“I won’t really miss working there.” Jongin laughed quietly before his expression became almost shy as he looked up at Kyungsoo through thick lashes. “But I will miss you.”
“Jongin...” As usual, Kyungsoo didn’t know how to convey all the things he wanted to. But he also knew Jongin had probably been thinking about this nonstop just as much as him, if not more. There wasn’t really anything more he could say.
“I know. I just have to ask...if we do see other people, and if it doesn’t work out, then what? What if I don’t meet anyone else? What if I do meet someone else? What if I meet the love of my life...and I still miss you, Kyungsoo? What will I do, then?”
Kyungsoo was silent as he played with Jongin’s fingers in his, looking up into his eyes that were glassy and slightly red at the edges as he waited for an answer. “Then you’ll just have to find me again, won’t you?” said Kyungsoo gently before he sealed their mouths together.
Kyungsoo ended that summer with a name on his lips, whispered into the night and lost on a breeze from an open window.
♡
The second summer that Kyungsoo worked at the jewelry store was cold and rainy. He watched the fat drops as they splashed against the windows and would tug his thin jacket a little tighter around himself as he worked, cold fingers deftly polishing silver and gold pieces.
Even fewer customers bothered to come out when it rained, and once the store and its jewelry was as clean as Kyungsoo could make it, he’d sit down and read digital novels on his phone, only taking a hand out of the warmth of his pocket when he needed to tap the screen to turn the page.
On days like this, he almost missed the unrelenting heat from the year before. Or maybe he just missed having something to look forward to, like when he could go across the street and be greeted by air conditioning and a certain cashier.
There was a clap of thunder and Kyungsoo almost didn’t hear the jingling of the door as it opened.
“Hey, Kyungsoo.”
He looked up from his phone to see the dripping wet form of his older classmate, Luhan, approaching the counter. “Oh, sunbae! Hi. What are you doing here?”
Luhan was his best friend from their university, even though they only occasionally saw each other outside of class. He hadn’t seen him at all since term ended in May.
Kyungsoo watched the water drip off Luhan’s hair in rivulets. “Where’s your umbrella? I thought you never leave home without it.”
Luhan broke into a smile. “I let Joonmyun borrow it.”
Kyungsoo wasn’t sure why it surprised him that Luhan and Joonmyun were dating, but it did. It surprised him even more that they were still together, almost a year after Luhan had first mentioned it. He was constantly amazed by other people’s relationships and how much it seemed like they belonged in a book or a movie, not real life.
“He’s also the reason I’m here, actually,” Luhan continued when Kyungsoo hadn’t said anything in response. He seemed a little nervous, fidgeting with his hands in front of his body. “I want to buy him something...maybe like...a ring. Not like...you know...an engagement ring, just...I want to show him that I’m serious about him.”
“Of course,” Kyungsoo said, smiling. “I think that’s nice.”
“Really? You do?” Luhan’s eyes widened hopefully. It looked hilariously adorable on his youthful face. “You don’t think it’s too...I don’t know...too...anything?”
Kyungsoo laughed and shook his head. “Not at all.”
“You wouldn’t tell me if you did, though. It’s your job to sell stuff.”
“Good to know you have such faith in my integrity as a friend.” Kyungsoo gave a short sigh and walked over to one of the mid-priced displays. “Here are some rings you might want to take a look at.”
“Thanks.”
Kyungsoo started to walk back over to the register while Luhan browsed, but he’d barely taken two steps when Luhan called him back over. “This one is perfect.”
Kyungsoo unlocked the case and took out the ring Luhan had picked. It was plain, with two bands, one silver and one gold, that crossed over each other. It was perfect for Joonmyun, who always looked crisp and valued simplicity. “I think he’ll love it.”
He packaged the ring and bid him good day, and when he left, the store seemed even colder and lonelier without Luhan’s aura of giddy happiness. Kyungsoo looked at the now empty space in the display and wondered if he’d ever feel that way about someone.
A few days later, Kyungsoo met up with Luhan’s other half who was now sporting the new silver and gold ring. Joonmyun had quit his job at the jewelry store just a few weeks ago, leaving Kyungsoo essentially in charge, because he’d found other work elsewhere. Interestingly, since they’d ceased to be coworkers, they’d actually started spending more time together than they ever had.
Their friendship reminded Kyungsoo of those he heard about between roommates who hated each other only until they no longer lived together. Once you got past the excessive politeness, Joonmyun was pretty okay. Likeable, even.
“Have you heard from Jongin?” was the first thing Joonmyun asked after ‘how are you.’ Kyungsoo’s heartbeat spiked hearing his name. He didn’t think he’d heard anyone say it out loud since he’d left almost a year ago.
“No.” Kyungsoo glanced at him from across their little table in the cafe before looking back down at his spoonful of frozen yogurt. “Why do you ask?”
“Curiosity,” Joonmyun replied before licking his own spoon. “I wasn’t sure if he would come home for the summer or not.”
“Oh...I’m not sure, either. We actually haven’t spoken since he left,” Kyungsoo admitted. He stirred the remaining bit of frozen yogurt around in his bowl; it was starting to melt.
“Oh, wow. I didn’t know that. I thought you’d keep in touch.”
“Things happen that way sometimes, I guess.” Kyungsoo gave a cheerless smile. “How’s Luhan?” he asked, trying to change the subject. He didn’t think Joonmyun knew what he and Jongin had been to each other. Now didn’t seem like a great time to explain, either, especially since Kyungsoo wasn’t even sure what he would have called their relationship.
“I just hate to see you like this,” Joonmyun was saying, apparently not having heard the question.
“Like what?”
“You look so sad all the time,” Joonmyun explained, his tone heavy with concern.
Kyungsoo stopped playing with the spoon in his bowl. It couldn’t be that obvious that he still thought about Jongin every day, right? He dismissed the older’s words. “I’m not. It’s just...this weather...it’s...gloomy.” He gestured toward the window, where the rain was still coming down relentlessly.
“I don’t mean just this summer,” Joonmyun said. “It started back when he left.”
He was so observant, Kyungsoo thought. Someone give this boy a detective license.
“You miss him.” Joonmyun licked the sugar from his lips.
“Yeah,” Kyungsoo finally agreed. “I do.” He glanced out the window again, remembering how beautiful the weather had been that night Jongin had shown him the piano and kissed him the first time, and he suddenly sat up ramrod straight. “Hyung, I have to go, but here, froyo is on me ok?” Kyungsoo dug a few bills out of his wallet and practically shoved them at Joonmyun, even though he normally jumped at the chance to buy food for Kyungsoo.
“But--hold on--”
“I’ll see you later!”
He stood up, hurriedly unfolding his umbrella as he headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” Joonmyun called after him. “Kyungsoo??”
He realized once he got in his car that he wasn’t entirely confident that he remembered exactly where the piano was, but he felt like trying. He retraced the roads Jongin had taken him on last year, and things started to look familiar. Pulling the car over, he gazed out at the grass, blowing with the wind, and he could make out the shape of the piano a little ways away.
He stepped out of the car and opened his umbrella, making his way up the hill.
Kyungsoo was sort of amazed that it was still here, that it hadn’t been stolen or anything. He supposed he’d never had much trust in others.
The lid was down over the keys, maybe offering some protection from the rain. Kyungsoo lifted it and put it back slowly, revealing the keyboard and he watched the drops splash against it. Then he caught sight of a folded piece of paper wedged in between two keys and Kyungsoo snatched at it, holding it underneath his umbrella so it wouldn’t get any wetter.
For Kyungsoo, it said. His eyes widened and his heartbeat quickened. His hands started to tremble as he unfolded the paper and read the words blurred a little by the rain.
I asked my sister to leave this by the piano. I wasn’t able to spend this summer at home because I have a job here. And no, not at a convenience store, in case you were wondering. At a marketing firm! I like it here, but I wish I could see you.
If you’re here reading this, I hope it means that you still think about me. Just so you know, I still think about you.
Jongin
Kyungsoo sat down on the piano bench, not caring that it was soaked. He clutched the letter tightly in his hand and his eyes brimmed with tears.
♡
The third summer that Kyungsoo worked at the jewelry store was oddly reminiscent of the first. The heat was growing more intense as the day went on and Kyungsoo tried not to count the minutes until he could leave. He took a sip from his water bottle and sighed.
The door jingled and Kyungsoo looked up in surprise. He really hadn’t expected anyone to come in today as it was, and it was midday, the time that was usually the slowest.
A broad-shouldered figure stood still by the doorway for a moment before taking one tentative step forward and then stopping again.
Kyungsoo felt an invisible hand grasp at his heart. “Jongin?”
Kyungsoo wasn’t sure if it was really him or if the heat was making him hallucinate. He took another swig of water and closed his eyes as he swallowed.
When he opened his eyes again, Jongin was still standing there, looking even a little more uncomfortable, if it was possible.
“Jongin,” Kyungsoo said again.
“You remember my name at least, that’s a good sign,” Jongin replied, chuckling. His hair was a bit longer than Kyungsoo remembered; it nearly reached his eyelashes now and he had to keep tossing his head and flicking his bangs to the side.
Kyungsoo finally worked through his shock enough to choke out, “Come...come in.”
Jongin took a few more cautious steps inside, smiling in that way of his that still created flurries of warmth in Kyungsoo’s chest. “Still no air conditioning?”
Kyungsoo stood up and shook his head. “Unfortunately.”
“I...wasn’t sure if you’d still be working here. It’s been a while,” Jongin said as he finally traversed the rest of the distance up to the counter.
Kyungsoo nodded like he was in a trance. Jongin was talking like it had been two months, not two years. “It has.” He could hardly even believe that he was here in front of him, but nothing in Jongin’s tone would ever have suggested they’d parted in tears two summers ago and not spoken since. A silence passed between them before Kyungsoo said politely, “It’s good to see you. How was it, going to school in the States?”
“It was incredible,” Jongin said. “I really learned a lot.”
“Oh, well, that’s...that’s amazing.” Kyungsoo smiled. It really was nice to see Jongin again, even if they’d potentially been reduced to polite old friends who had little in common anymore.
“Yeah, it was great,” said Jongin. “But...I’m actually transferring back here.”
Kyungsoo stared. “Wait, really?”
Jongin smiled brilliantly at him again. “Yes. I’m back. I’m back for good. I came here directly from the airport because I couldn’t wait to tell you.”
Kyungsoo struggled to string his words together. “But...what about school?”
“I had a great experience, but I want to finish my degree closer to home. It just feels right.” Jongin nodded as he finished the sentence.
“Wow, Jongin, that’s…I’m really glad you’re here,” Kyungsoo managed.
“Me too… Isn’t it funny, that you spent so much time with me in the convenience store, but this is the first time I’ve ever even been in here?”
Kyungsoo hummed in agreement.
Jongin seemed to turn more serious as he continued, “There’s actually one other reason I came by today…I’m looking for a ring.”
“Oh, um…” Kyungsoo paused for a moment in surprise but the salesman in his brain seemed to switch on as he replied, “Certainly.” He paused again as the implications of his words set in. “For yourself, or for someone else?”
Jongin hesitated for just a second himself before he said, “It’s not for me.”
Kyungsoo swallowed around the lump that had formed in his throat. He had no logical reason to be upset about this. Of course Jongin would have found someone he loved, possibly someone he was marrying. It had been long enough.
He had encouraged Jongin to go, after all. He’d told himself it was what was best for Jongin. He’d told himself this is what he’d wanted.
He fought to keep his face emotionless, channeling his most professional demeanor as he asked, “Anything...anything particular you had in mind? A price range?”
A smile pulled at the edges of Jongin’s lips for a moment before he spoke again. “Show me one that you like. Cost is no object.”
Kyungsoo said nothing, rubbing his lips together in thought. Finally, he walked around the counter and Jongin followed as he approached a glass case near a corner of the store. Kyungsoo pointed to a simple white gold ring with only a tiny cluster of stones in the center. It wasn’t part of any especially notable or expensive collection, but Kyungsoo had always found it particularly beautiful. It was one of the only pieces he himself would be willing to wear. “Well...this has always been one of my favorites.”
“It’s perfect. I’ll take it,” Jongin said and Kyungsoo darted behind the counter again, grabbing the key to unlock the case and packaging the ring for him. He kept fighting to keep his expression blank and tried to disguise how his hands were shaking as he boxed the ring.
Jongin paid and Kyungsoo slid the box toward him across the counter.
“Kyungsoo. We haven’t seen each other for two years,” Jongin said, stating the obvious. “I acknowledge that I haven’t been part of your life that whole time, and I wasn’t part of it for very long to begin with. I have no idea what your life is like now, and I basically lied just now when I said I came directly from the airport because really, I waited outside in my car for almost an hour, afraid to come in here and find out that you weren’t here, or that you didn’t want to see me again. I acknowledge all of that. But...I want my future to be here. With you. If you still want it too, that is.”
Kyungsoo felt a hand on his own and he looked down to see Jongin gently sliding the ring onto his finger. He hadn’t even noticed him open the box.
He stared down at his hand, completely speechless. The cold metal quickly warmed on his heated skin and he couldn’t even take enough of a breath to form a response if he had one.
“I mean it, Kyungsoo,” Jongin continued on. “We still don’t know what we could be. And I still want to find out.”
Jongin took Kyungsoo’s hand again as their eyes met. Kyungsoo looked into them and saw the last two years. It seemed like Jongin was the only one left who didn’t know Kyungsoo had never stopped missing him.
“I still want to, too,” Kyungsoo promised, leaning over the counter to connect their lips. He closed his eyes and, except for the lack of air conditioning, it felt like it could be two summers ago and they were behind the counter of the convenience store again. “So let’s find out.”
Rating: PG-13
Genre: Romance, AU
Word Count: ~9000
Summary: One thing Kyungsoo knew about summer love was that it's not supposed to last. Another thing he knew about summer love was that it would never happen to him.
Cross-posted to AFF here
Title and lyric credit to TVXQ!
We will fall. Fall in love all over again.
헤어진 적 없는 듯. Fall in love all over again.
다시 내게 안겨. 네가 없던 긴 시간들을 지워버려.
처음 사랑에 빠졌던 그 날로 돌아가.
We will fall, fall in love all over again
As if we never broke up, fall in love all over again
Come back into my arms, erase the times without you
Go back to the days we first fell in love
The first summer that Kyungsoo worked at the jewelry store was a hot one. The temperatures reached record-breaking highs almost every day, and there was no air conditioning in the store. The door was kept propped open as a result, and the only relief from the heat came on those blessed days when there was a slight breeze outside. On the day from that summer that he remembered most clearly, though, the air had hung heavy and motionless, humidity essentially promising a storm to come later.
Kyungsoo rested his cheek on the knuckles of one hand while he counted money from the cash register with the other. He had already lost count three times with just this one small section of bills he was handling. The hot, humid air felt like it was pressing in on him, making it difficult to think clearly. The small beads of sweat that had been gathering on the cusp of his brow finally banded together and slid down his temple.
He finally finished counting the stack in his hand, locked up the register and the doors, and headed to the convenience store across the street. The sky was streaked with pink, indicating that the sun was beginning to set, but the heat was even more oppressive outside, if not for the soft wind that Kyungsoo hadn’t really been able to feel as much from behind the jewelry store counter.
Kyungsoo reached the convenience store and had to pause in front of the automatic doors for an extra second before they actually parted to admit him, thinking that the heat seemed to make everything happen in slow motion--people dragged their feet as they walked, hours seemed to stretch on longer, and now apparently doors slowed down a little, too. But unlike at the jewelry store, Kyungsoo was hit with a blast of cold air as soon as he entered.
He headed straight for the back where the coolers were and picked out an iced tea-lemonade and a sandwich before getting in line behind a group of high school students who were laughing loudly and shoving each other playfully. Kyungsoo felt around his pockets, forgetting which one he had stuffed his things in that morning.
“Thanks, have a great day,” the cashier said and the students left in a giggling group. “Hello,” he greeted Kyungsoo as he moved forward, placing his items on the counter and continuing to search for his money.
Kyungsoo finally managed to extract some bills from the depths of his pocket and looked up at the cashier, a young man around his own age. “Hi,” he replied and the cashier smiled as he rang up Kyungsoo’s sandwich.
“Hot today, isn’t it,” he commented.
Kyungsoo slid the bills across the counter and nodded. “I don’t even have air conditioning where I work. You’re lucky you do.” He laughed.
“Where do you work?” The cashier looked at him with subtle incredulity. Kyungsoo wouldn’t have thought someone could be subtly incredulous, but this cashier--Kyungsoo squinted at his nametag and read Jongin--somehow managed it. His full jaw and straight brows above dark eyes created just the right angles to make it happen. Kyungsoo wasn’t a photographer, but he thought this boy would make a great model. All his expressions held a reserved kind of intensity, not over the top, but just dramatic enough to keep Kyungsoo wanting to look at his face.
Realizing he’d been asked a question, Kyungsoo cleared his throat and gestured toward the door. “Jewelry store across the street.”
The cashier, or Jongin, nodded once, lips parted slightly. “Well,” he said, looking down at the counter at Kyungsoo’s sandwich. “You can stay here and eat if you want.” He shrugged. “I’m the only one working today and I don’t mind if you want to sit in the break room or something. Now that you told me about your horrible working conditions I feel partially responsible for you and I don’t want you to die of heat stroke or anything.” Those full lips curled into a mini smirk that had Kyungsoo’s thoughts scrambling for purchase inside his head.
He managed a laugh. “Thanks, it’s really okay though. I don’t think it’s really hot enough for anything like that to happen. And I actually just closed up the store for tonight.”
“Seems I’m not the one with all the luck. There’s three more hours left of my shift and I’m unbearably lonely, so...stay and eat with me? Please?”
Kyungsoo laughed again and shrugged and they ended up sitting together in the heavily air conditioned convenience store break room (Kyungsoo was actually tempted to turn the temperature up a little) while he ate his sandwich and Jongin munched on some snacks he’d brought from home.
“How long have you been working at that store?” Jongin asked conversationally.
Kyungsoo took a sip of his drink before he responded. “I just started this summer. It’s alright, but I get pretty bored since I’m the only one in the store and there’s hardly anything to do most days.”
He explained how the store stayed in business mainly through people buying and selling online. Occasionally, wealthy middle-aged men would come in looking for anniversary gifts for their wives, but most days passed without any customers at all.
He trailed off when he realized he’d been talking for a long time and Jongin hadn’t asked for details.
But the other looked interested. “You must understand my pain then. I’m usually the only one working here, and you’re the only one working there.”
Kyungsoo laughed. “I think you’re a little busier than I am.”
“Well, the hours still drag on with no one to talk to. Will you come eat lunch here tomorrow?” Jongin asked.
“I’ll see if I can manage it,” Kyungsoo said breezily, but if he was being honest with himself, he was already looking forward to it.
It was one of the least enthusiastic responses to an invitation possible, but Jongin grinned like he’d just found $20 on the sidewalk. “Great.”
Kyungsoo spotted Jongin’s navy blue baseball cap behind the register even before the automatic doors finished sliding open all the way. His eyes were hidden beneath it and his knuckles, which were rubbing sleepily at his lids.
“Hi,” Kyungsoo said, approaching the counter. Jongin leapt back in surprise, blinking his eyes open. Kyungsoo eyed him with amusement. “Someone’s jumpy today.”
“You snuck up on me,” Jongin accused, but he was mostly looking down at the floor as he said it. He pinched the brim of his hat between his fingers and lifted it up, revealing messy black hair sticking up in random directions. Kyungsoo noticed his ears were very pink as he quickly flattened it back down onto his head.
Kyungsoo chuckled.
“I’m not at my most alert when I don’t have my coffee in the morning, ok?” Jongin tried to rationalize.
“Okay,” Kyungsoo said, still laughing.
“Anyway, you’re early,” the cashier said, now smiling too. “I wouldn’t have pegged you for an early bird, but eh, I guess that job of yours really is boring and you just couldn’t wait to leave.”
“I’ll pick out a sandwich,” said Kyungsoo. He quickly turned to walk towards the back of the store, imagining Jongin watching him with half of his mouth still curled into a smirk and he suddenly felt warm again despite the aggressive A/C.
The subtle intensity was back on Jongin’s face when he rang up Kyungsoo’s sandwich and his iced tea-lemonade. “Any customers today?” he asked.
“None yet,” Kyungsoo answered, “but there’s a woman coming in later who wants an old pin appraised.”
Jongin looked up at Kyungsoo when he handed him his change. “You know how to appraise stuff?”
Kyungsoo snorted. “No. The owner of the store does. This is just a part-time gig for me. I’m a business student.”
“No way. I’m applying to business school in the States,” Jongin told him, closing up the register and motioning for Kyungsoo to follow him to the break room.
“Really? Wow, good luck then.”
Jongin smiled. “Thanks.”
Jongin talked on about the schools he was applying to and his applications and the next time Kyungsoo looked at the clock, he realized he’d been gone far longer than the thirty minute break he was allowed to have in the middle of the day.
“I should go,” he said eventually.
“Alright,” Jongin said, collecting the various food wrappers around them and crunching them in his hand as he stood up.
Kyungsoo clutched his nearly empty bottle of iced tea-lemonade and followed Jongin out of the room.
“So…” said Jongin when he had reached his post behind the register and Kyungsoo was halfway to the door. “Want to stop by on your way home?”
Kyungsoo opened his mouth to respond, but Jongin cut him off, adding, “I would prefer an answer this time, if possible. Not ‘I’ll see if I can manage it.’” Jongin gave him a knowing look and a smile that made Kyungsoo’s face flush.
“Okay,” he said. Jongin raised his eyebrows at him and he cleared his throat and clarified, “Okay as in yes. I’ll come by later.”
“Looking forward to it,” Jongin snickered as he turned on the register and Kyungsoo slipped outside.
The hours passed by even more slowly than they had that morning. There were no customers after the old woman with the pin left and Kyungsoo tried to concentrate on his reading, but he kept getting interrupted by thoughts of messy black hair and ears dip-dyed a bashful red, hidden beneath a navy blue cap.
The time on his phone finally changed from 5:59 to 6:00 and Kyungsoo practically jumped up to shut down the register and lock the doors.
“Kyungsoo. Back so soon,” Jongin said when Kyungsoo approached the counter again.
“You invited me.” Kyungsoo took a look around and noticed they were the only ones in the store. He hoisted himself up to sit on the counter in front of Jongin, rifling through some of the packages of candy that were on display.
“You accepted the invitation.” Jongin gave a short laugh as he watched Kyungsoo read the label on a package of gummy bears and then put it back.
“I suppose I did,” Kyungsoo mused, now looking at a box of Junior Mints. “So how busy has it been today?”
“Not very.” Jongin squatted down to fold his elbows on the counter and look up at Kyungsoo. “It sucks actually, because I could use a distraction. When I get home, a decision from my top choice school might be in the mail.”
“So I’m your distraction?” Kyungsoo smiled. Jongin returned it.
“For the moment.”
Kyungsoo eventually selected a package of Swedish fish and placed it down in front of Jongin’s chin. “Ring this up for me?”
“You got it.” Jongin straightened his knees and scanned the package. He licked his lips as he clicked something on the computer screen.
Kyungsoo handed over some coins and tilted his head to get a better look at the monitor.
“Wow, this looks a lot different than the register we use at the jewelry store,” Kyungsoo observed.
Jongin shrugged, pointing at the bottom section of the screen. “It’s pretty straightforward. The commands are all just here…oh, actually, that’s not true, some of them are over here...maybe it’s not so straightforward.”
He turned his head to look at him and Kyungsoo was surprised by how close together their faces were. It was making his heart throb a little too harshly while he watched Jongin’s gaze slowly drop to his lips.
At that moment, the automatic doors slid open and another gaggle of high school students wandered in.
“You’ve got customers, I better let you get back to work,” Kyungsoo said, pulling away with his package of candy and smiling. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
The wind was starting to pick up when he walked outside, making the leaves on the trees flip over and flash their pale undersides. Kyungsoo’s lips stretched themselves across his face without his permission and he angled his chin down as he walked, trying not to burst out laughing at the ground. The few other people on the sidewalk probably thought he was crazy, but Kyungsoo didn’t care.
He was sure Jongin had wanted to kiss him. He thought this was all happening a little fast, but it had been a long time since Kyungsoo had been so interested in anyone. He sighed and popped a few more pieces of the chewy fish-shaped candies in his mouth. It was really too bad Jongin was probably leaving the country.
Jongin was yawning behind a hand when Kyungsoo next approached the counter, balancing his snacks and drinks on his hip with his left hand while his right hand dug through his pocket for his some change.
“Tired again?” He nodded to the cashier as he let all the items drop the counter unceremoniously.
“You’re the one who’s buying two frappuccinos,” Jongin remarked, scanning the barcode on the first of the glass bottles.
Kyungsoo barked out a laugh. “One of them is for you, you dolt.”
Jongin blinked as if in surprise, but recovered remarkably quickly, pushing his lips into a pout. “But these are both coffee flavored. I like the mocha flavored one more.”
Kyungsoo snatched his receipt from the machine before Jongin could give it to him and slid the drinks toward himself protectively. “Maybe I will just drink both of these myself then, you entitled brat.”
Jongin’s lips were fighting to stay in a straight line but they lost the battle and he cackled. “No, you won’t.”
“And why wouldn’t I?” Kyungsoo’s eyebrows rose so far they blended in with his choppy bangs.
Jongin folded his arms over his chest and surveyed Kyungsoo for a long moment. The movement of his dark eyes over every inch of his body made Kyungsoo long to fidget, but he forced himself to keep still and throw a hard gaze back.
“Because you like me.”
The words felt like they had sucked all the oxygen from Kyungsoo’s lungs and he just stood there, lips forming various shapes but not managing to make any sound. Realizing he must look ridiculous, he decidedly clamped his mouth shut and tentatively met Jongin’s eyes again. They were twinkling and his lip was quirked up a little at the corner with that smug, amused expression that made Kyungsoo feel like kicking something or maybe kissing it off his face.
Kyungsoo noticed his hand was tightly gripping the neck of one of the bottles and he uncurled it slowly as he felt the blush on his face intensifying. “Well, is it that obvious?”
Jongin laughed again, softer this time. “Yeah. But it’s okay. I like you, too.”
Kyungsoo smiled down at his hand that was now laying flat on the counter and swallowed his surprise when Jongin slid his own hand forward, his fingers nudging their way in between Kyungsoo’s.
“So in case you were wondering,” he said, “I got rejected from my top choice school.”
Kyungsoo was still staring at their loosely entwined hands and it took him a couple beats before he even registered what it was that Jongin had said.
“Oh, sorry,” Kyungsoo managed once he’d recovered a little and remembered how Jongin had been waiting for the results yesterday. “It’s just one school, though, right? You applied to others.”
Jongin managed a small smile again as he nodded. “I might get rejected from all of them, though. And then I’ll never leave. You just might be stuck with me forever.”
Kyungsoo thought it would probably be inconsiderate to express just how much he wished that would happen.
It was one of those rare days when Kyungsoo’s coworker, Joonmyun, was actually on the clock alongside Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo both enjoyed and loathed those days, because while Joonmyun was friendly and kind and the opposite of lazy, he also took his job a little too seriously.
“Kyungsoo!” An alarmed shout came from the back room and startled Kyungsoo out of his daydream fantasy which may or may not have involved convenience store counters, plump lips, and long fingers.
He reluctantly rolled up his package of Swedish fish and stuck it in a cubby under the counter. Kyungsoo’s chair protested loudly as he slid back and stood up to make his way to the back room. He cautiously peered his head in the doorway. “What is it, sunbae?”
Joonmyun began gesturing wildly at the computer screen. “Did you close out the register last night, Kyungsoo?”
“Yes…” Kyungsoo blinked, no idea where he was going with this.
“Well, apparently, the balance has been off since two days ago! Do you know anything about that?”
Kyungsoo’s eyebrows creased together and he chewed on his lip in thought, trying to mentally retrace the steps he had taken to close the shop last night and the night before. “No. I don’t remember it being off yesterday.”
“I see...well...Kyungsoo, I’m sorry, I don’t mean to accuse you of anything, but if you’re honest with me now, I’m sure the penalties won’t be--”
Realizing what Joonmyun was implying, Kyungsoo burst out, “Sunbae! I didn’t steal anything from the register! How much is it off by?”
Joonmyun kept talking as if he hadn’t heard. “As I said, I don’t mean to accuse you, there’s also a remote possibility that an outsider could have--”
“Sunbae! How much is it off by?” Kyungsoo demanded, more firmly this time.
“1,338 won,” Joonmyun told him.
Kyungsoo resisted the urge to clap his palm to his face.
“It’s off by 1,338 won, Kyungsoo!” Joonmyun repeated.
“Yes, I heard you the first time,” Kyungsoo grumbled.
“What was that?”
“Nothing.” Kyungsoo huffed in frustration. “I just mean...that’s...like...the price of a pack of gum. I highly doubt there’s any thievery involved here. One of us probably miscounted the drawer at some point. It happens.”
Joonmyun sighed, rubbing his cherry red lips together before he spoke again. “Yes, yes, I suppose you’re right. I’m sorry, I got a little carried away. I’ll tell Manager-nim about this. You should go back out to the front. What if a customer comes in?”
Kyungsoo didn’t point out that he hadn’t even come back here on his own accord. “Okay, sunbae.”
He turned to head back out, but Joonmyun was talking again before he’d even taken a step. “And, speaking of gum, chew some, would you? If a customer does come in, it’d be preferable if your breath didn’t smell like artificial cherry, or strawberry, or...whatever it is that those candies you keep eating are actually intended to taste like.”
Kyungsoo smiled to himself. “Yes, sunbae.”
He plopped himself back down at the front counter and remembered how he had rushed through closing the other night because Jongin had wanted to see him. No doubt that was the reason the balance was off, but he’d rather put up with Joonmyun’s neuroticism the rest of the week than admit it.
He dug his hand into his pocket for the package of gum he always carried around with him pulled out an empty pack of Wrigley’s 5 Rain. It looked like he’d have to stop at the convenience store again tonight. Out of necessity, of course.
Kyungsoo locked the ring he’d been polishing before Joonmyun called him back in its case and gave up trying to find something else to clean. He resigned himself to hoping his coworker wouldn’t come out from the back room and see him sitting there idly. Trying to look like you were doing something productive when there was really nothing left to do was exhausting.
He pulled out his phone to find no new messages and he opened the internet browser to entertain himself instead. Hesitantly, he typed the name of one of the American universities Jongin was applying to. He scrolled around the website, impressed by how crisp and prestigious everything about the school looked. He felt like he was getting ahead of himself and ahead of everything, really, but he couldn’t help imagining what it would be like a few months from now, with Jongin there, having amazing new experiences, and Kyungsoo still here, attending his plain university and living his plain life. And he couldn’t help wishing for things to be different. He bit the head off of a Swedish fish and sighed.
Kyungsoo closed up the store under the watchful eye of Joonmyun. The drawer was still off by 1,338 won, but the older boy had at least seemed to make the assessment that the world would go on turning.
It wasn’t quite as hot that night as it had been in the last few weeks, Kyungsoo noticed when he stepped outside. He even shivered a little when the convenience store’s A/C blasted him. Jongin was alone at the register as per usual, spinning a baseball cap on his index finger. Kyungsoo marched directly up to the counter in search of his preferred flavor of gum, murmuring a hello.
He slapped his package of Wrigley’s 5 Rain on the counter and Jongin had this sort of teasing smile on his face while he rang it up. “You’re looking awfully spiffy today, Do Kyungsoo-sshi.”
Kyungsoo blinked suddenly at the use of his surname. He didn’t even remember ever having said what it was.
“Real official.” Jongin laughed and flicked Kyungsoo’s magnetic nametag. Damn it. He was always forgetting to take that thing off.
Then he blushed. Spiffy? Who even used words like that? “Who even uses words like ‘spiffy?’” Kyungsoo spluttered.
Jongin laughed again. “You could just take the compliment, you know.”
More heat flooded Kyungsoo’s cheeks as he gritted out, “Thank you.”
“I love making you blush. It’s cute.”
Kyungsoo was reduced to making useless and wordless shapes with his lips again.
And then, as if that hadn’t just been incredibly awkward, Jongin pointed to the pack of gum. “Can I have one?”
Kyungsoo shrugged. “Knock yourself out.”
Jongin carefully unwrapped the package and freed one pale green stick from its foil encasing, stuffing it in his mouth and chewing with gusto.
Kyungsoo just watched his own fingers as he closed the pack back up and stuck it in his pocket, not really able to think of something else to say when Jongin was still looking at him with that contemplative expression that for whatever reason made him feel so vulnerable.
Jongin paused in his chewing. “Kyungsoo. Will you come for a drive with me? I want to show you something.”
Kyungsoo’s hand froze in his pocket. This was different. Up until now, they had talked and laughed and, sure, flirted a little (or a lot), but this was definitely different. Jongin was suggesting that they go somewhere other than this convenience store together, presumably alone.
Kyungsoo knew his thinking was over the top, but he felt like if he said yes to Jongin they’d be crossing the threshold of some kind of point of no return. A point at which they’d fall into something that maybe both of them wanted but knew they weren’t prepared for and couldn’t last.
“Yeah, sure. Sounds...good.” The words left Kyungsoo’s lips in a graceless avalanche of agreement. He would have liked to imagine the inside of his brain as being full of great stacks of words, weighed and carefully chosen based on their potential consequences, but Jongin had been messing up his organized life from the moment they’d met.
“Are you going to tell me where it is we’re going?” he asked after Jongin had clocked out and Kyungsoo had clicked his seatbelt in place on the passenger side of Jongin’s little black sports car.
“What would be the fun in that?” Jongin replied, turning his key and not peeling out of the driveway as Kyungsoo might have expected, but taking a rather cautious left turn out onto the street.
They didn’t talk much after that, but Kyungsoo found that he didn’t mind. His usual anxious feeling of needing to say something, anything, in order to fill in the silence just wasn’t there with Jongin, Kyungsoo realized. This was really nice, he thought, to be able to enjoy someone’s presence without needing to force a conversation. The hum of the engine and the rush of the traffic outside was plenty of background noise along with the R&B station Jongin had on the radio quietly playing old school Ne-yo.
Jongin breezed through the center of the city and as the sun began to set Kyungsoo could feel the air cooling around them through the rolled down windows. He played with his fingers in his lap when they reached the outskirts of town and the buildings started to look shabbier and fewer people were out on the streets. He swallowed down his uneasiness, glancing at Jongin and hoping he wasn’t showing any signs of his sheltered rich kid upbringing.
“Do you live around here?” Kyungsoo decided to ask after a moment of indecision. It was an innocent enough question, he thought, or rather hoped.
“I used to,” Jongin answered softly.
“Oh. Is that where we’re going?” Kyungsoo looked out the window again as they turned down a narrow, one-way street and soon the residential areas gave way to a patch of grassy, undeveloped land.
“No. What I’m showing you is way cooler than my old house. Come on, we’re here,” he said, pulling the car over and Kyungsoo barely had his seatbelt off before Jongin was trotting around to the passenger side to tug him outside.
Kyungsoo tried not to think too much about Jongin’s hand cupping his own as they walked on. The grass on the side of the street was overgrown with weeds and even some wildflowers. At the top of a little hill, looking remarkably out of place and yet incredibly fitting like a scene in a movie, stood a wooden grand piano. Curious vines climbed up its legs, twisting around them and hugging them. They inched closer and Kyungsoo made out some graffiti and some initials of lovers carved into the base.
“Wow.” Kyungsoo glanced around. “How did this even get here?” he asked.
Jongin released Kyungsoo’s hand and walked around the instrument, examining the back. “Well, I take credit for that.”
Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows. “Really?”
Jongin continued staring at the piano saying nothing else and Kyungsoo prompted, “Care to elaborate?”
“Um. Yeah. I brought you here to show you this, so I’m gonna tell you about it. Okay,” Jongin mumbled, like he was talking mostly to himself instead of him and Kyungsoo marveled at how shy he seemed sometimes.
“It was for a girl I liked,” Jongin finally said sheepishly. “We were friends since we were kids, and she loved piano music. Her family was really poor, so she could never afford real lessons or anything except at school. She was always staying there late, practicing, because she couldn’t have a piano or even a keyboard at home. But she was always saying how lucky she was, because a lot of her friends wanted to learn music too, but they didn’t have the same opportunities at school, and...so, without her knowing, I worked all summer, two years in a row, to save up enough money to buy this piano. Me and my friends loaded it on a truck and brought it up here.”
Jongin paused, looking up at Kyungsoo with searching eyes. Kyungsoo didn’t really know how to respond so far, just hoping that Jongin would continue and thankfully he did.
“I thought that...when she saw it and I confessed to her that she’d...I don’t know. I don’t know what I thought. It seems really stupid, now. But there you go. She was really...touched and everything, I guess, but she didn’t feel the same way about me.”
“Oh,” Kyungsoo managed to say. “I’m sorry.”
Jongin nodded, clearing his throat. “But...anyway…yeah...so...we kept it here. And it’s been here ever since. So anyone who wants to play can come out here and play it.” He shrugged. “You think I’m crazy, right?"
“No,” Kyungsoo said. “I think you’re…” He approached the piano, trailing his hand over the keys that were yellowing and starting to show signs of weather damage. He sat down gingerly on the bench and let out a breath. “Wow. You probably made a lot of people really happy with this.”
“Maybe, but I did it for kind of a selfish reason. It’s just...I would never have done something like this if it weren’t for her, you know? I still feel guilty about that sometimes. But that’s also why I like to come back here sometimes. It reminds me...you never really know the impact something will have in the beginning, do you?”
Kyungsoo was arranging his hand over the keys he was pretty sure created a C Major chord when Jongin’s fingers threaded themselves in between his, the way they had that day at the front counter of the convenience store.
“Not unless you’re me,” Kyungsoo suddenly joked, trying to poke a hole in the balloon of tension he could feel expanding around them. “I’m psychic.”
Jongin gave a short laugh as he sat down beside Kyungsoo, so close their thighs were touching. “Oh, really? What am I thinking now, then?”
Kyungsoo could only meet the other’s eyes for a millisecond before he had to look away. Jongin was one of those people who were achingly beautiful. “Not that kind of psychic.”
“Kyungsoo.”
Kyungsoo looked up again and this time he held Jongin’s gaze. He was always fascinated by the way he’d so often say Kyungsoo’s name as if it were its own sentence before getting to what it was that he actually wanted to say. It was as if he liked the way the syllables rolled off his tongue so much that he’d take any chance he could find to say them.
“I really want to kiss you.”
A tiny beam of lightning forced its way inside Kyungsoo’s chest. Jongin was still looking at him, and smiling, one side of his mouth a little higher than the other. It was silly and ridiculous but it made Kyungsoo really want to kiss him, too.
And he tilted his chin up to meet Jongin’s lips. It was slow, careful, just a tiny nudge, but Jongin was nudging back and then his eyes were closing and their lips were parting like they’d wanted to do all along.
Jongin tasted like Wrigley’s 5 Rain, spearmint. Kyungsoo thought fleetingly that his own mouth probably still tasted like Swedish fish, but Jongin didn’t seem to care if the way he was deepening the kiss was any indication.
But Jongin pulled away then with a tiny kiss to the corner of his mouth, rubbing his thumb gently over Kyungsoo’s hand in their lap. “Kyungsoo. Do you know what I found when I got home last night?”
He had an idea after a moment of thought, but he stayed silent, waiting for Jongin to confirm it.
“An acceptance letter to my second choice,” he said, quietly, as though making sure no one would listen in, even though they seemed quite alone.
“Congratulations, I knew you’d get in,” Kyungsoo told him, matching the quiet tone even though he hadn’t even meant to.
“Thanks,” Jongin said, small smile appearing again. “I’ve been thinking though...maybe I won’t go.”
Kyungsoo blinked. “What? Why not?”
“It’s just that it’s so far away, and my whole family is here. What if they need me?” Jongin stood up. He pressed down the key of the highest note on the piano so slowly that it didn’t make a sound.
Kyungsoo rubbed his lips together, remembering when Jongin had told him how excited his family had been about the possibility of him studying at a foreign university and thought maybe there was more to these sudden second thoughts.
“And...you’re here, too,” Jongin said a moment later, confirming his suspicions.
Kyungsoo stood up too. “I can’t ask you to give up your future for a...summer fling.”
“Is that all we are?” Jongin’s eyes flickered over Kyungsoo as though seeing him for the first time.
“I don’t know,” Kyungsoo said, lamely.
“Well, that’s just it,” said Jongin. “It’s too early to tell, isn’t it? We don’t know what we could be. And I want to find out. Do you?”
Kyungsoo drew a shaky breath. “Yes. I do, Jongin. I like you. A lot. And I know, I haven’t shown it all that well. But...it’s…” He hesitated, unsure if he really wanted to say what he was thinking, but stacks of words were avalanching in his brain again. “It’s just because I’m afraid. Afraid I’ll care too much.”
“I already care too much,” Jongin said gently.
The words pricked behind Kyungsoo’s eyes. “Jongin,” he said, “if you go away to school, it doesn’t mean it’s forever. I hope you do take the opportunity. Not because I want you to leave. Just because it is a great opportunity for you. I hope you can see...that’s me caring about you, too.”
It was almost 7pm at the convenience store on Friday when Jongin asked Kyungsoo to come over after his shift. Kyungsoo hadn’t really hesitated in saying yes, but if it had been different when Jongin had asked him to go for a drive, this was different, too. In a whole other way.
The week had passed by more normally than Kyungsoo might have imagined it would after their conversation by the piano. Jongin hadn’t brought up going away to school again, and Kyungsoo just followed his lead and kept their talks restricted to...well, anything except for the impending decision.
Truthfully, Kyungsoo wanted to discuss it. He wanted to know what Jongin was thinking, whether he was leaning toward going or staying, but he could sense Jongin didn’t want to talk about it. Also, he couldn’t even be honest with himself about what he wanted Jongin to tell him.
So instead, he avoided the subject and told Jongin about Joonmyun and the miscounted drawer fiasco, about his best friend at school who he hadn’t seen in ages, about his family and about his guilty pleasure, Prince of Tennis. He was always worried that he was boring him, but Jongin wanted to know everything.
When Jongin kissed him, usually in plain sight behind the front counter, he would rake his fingers through Kyungsoo’s hair and fist his hands in Kyungsoo’s button-down. He always came away with flyaways that he couldn’t flatten back down and wrinkles in his clothes, which normally he couldn’t stand, but he never felt any compulsion to fix it when Jongin was the one making him that way.
It became somewhat of a game for them--how far they could get before a customer came in. They had a few close calls, but other than one scandalized expression from an older woman and one raised eyebrow from a kid near their own age, they did pretty well in staying unnoticed. They got better at it as time went on and Jongin learned not to shove Kyungsoo onto his knees to disappear under the counter when customers came in the door if he really wanted to stay looking composed in front of them.
It should have been great. As long as nothing was for sure yet, it should have felt like Jongin might stay, that he really wanted to stay. But not knowing for sure was making Kyungsoo just as crazy as not wanting to know.
That’s how Kyungsoo found himself in the passenger seat of Jongin’s car again, settling into that comfortable silence he still appreciated.
“My parents are working late, so we have the place to ourselves for a while,” Jongin told him as they stepped over the Welcome mat and entered his family’s apartment.
It was cozy, Kyungsoo thought, looking around. It was nice.
The walls in Jongin’s room were covered in pictures. Pictures of his dogs, pictures of him in dance class as a kid, pictures of him with girls Kyungsoo thought might be his sisters and some other people who Kyungsoo didn’t know. One picture near the center of the wall caught his attention. First he recognized the piano on the top of the hill, and next, he recognized himself as the person sitting on the bench.
Jongin chuckled when he saw what he was staring at. “It was a good photo op.”
“You could have just told me you wanted a picture. Maybe I’d even pose for you,” Kyungsoo joked.
“Okay then, I want a picture,” Jongin said, taking out a polaroid camera out of his desk drawer and flopping onto the bed. “Come here.”
Kyungsoo felt his lips turn up in a smile as he laid down next to him on the bed and flashed a V sign up at the camera viewfinder. When the photo came out, Jongin handed it to Kyungsoo. “You can have this one. I’m guessing your walls are probably bare.”
Kyungsoo laughed, taking the photo and tracing the image of Jongin’s toothy smile with a finger. “They won’t be anymore. Thanks.”
He set it down on the endtable and looked up at the ceiling. They stayed like that for a few minutes, silent except for the sound of each other’s breathing.
“I sent in the deposit,” Jongin said abruptly, and Kyungsoo stiffened as he turned to look Jongin in the face.
“You--you did.” Kyungsoo’s lips formed the words numbly as he tried to sound as upbeat as possible.
“Yeah. I’m going to the States.”
“That’s great, congratulations.” Kyungsoo propped himself up on an elbow.
“Thanks,” Jongin said, but his accompanying smile was more of a simple curved line on his face than a true smile.
“Don’t sound too excited,” Kyungsoo said sarcastically, attempting humor. “I know you’ll really miss working at the convenience store, but...” He let the end of the sentence trail off unfinished.
“I won’t really miss working there.” Jongin laughed quietly before his expression became almost shy as he looked up at Kyungsoo through thick lashes. “But I will miss you.”
“Jongin...” As usual, Kyungsoo didn’t know how to convey all the things he wanted to. But he also knew Jongin had probably been thinking about this nonstop just as much as him, if not more. There wasn’t really anything more he could say.
“I know. I just have to ask...if we do see other people, and if it doesn’t work out, then what? What if I don’t meet anyone else? What if I do meet someone else? What if I meet the love of my life...and I still miss you, Kyungsoo? What will I do, then?”
Kyungsoo was silent as he played with Jongin’s fingers in his, looking up into his eyes that were glassy and slightly red at the edges as he waited for an answer. “Then you’ll just have to find me again, won’t you?” said Kyungsoo gently before he sealed their mouths together.
Kyungsoo ended that summer with a name on his lips, whispered into the night and lost on a breeze from an open window.
♡
The second summer that Kyungsoo worked at the jewelry store was cold and rainy. He watched the fat drops as they splashed against the windows and would tug his thin jacket a little tighter around himself as he worked, cold fingers deftly polishing silver and gold pieces.
Even fewer customers bothered to come out when it rained, and once the store and its jewelry was as clean as Kyungsoo could make it, he’d sit down and read digital novels on his phone, only taking a hand out of the warmth of his pocket when he needed to tap the screen to turn the page.
On days like this, he almost missed the unrelenting heat from the year before. Or maybe he just missed having something to look forward to, like when he could go across the street and be greeted by air conditioning and a certain cashier.
There was a clap of thunder and Kyungsoo almost didn’t hear the jingling of the door as it opened.
“Hey, Kyungsoo.”
He looked up from his phone to see the dripping wet form of his older classmate, Luhan, approaching the counter. “Oh, sunbae! Hi. What are you doing here?”
Luhan was his best friend from their university, even though they only occasionally saw each other outside of class. He hadn’t seen him at all since term ended in May.
Kyungsoo watched the water drip off Luhan’s hair in rivulets. “Where’s your umbrella? I thought you never leave home without it.”
Luhan broke into a smile. “I let Joonmyun borrow it.”
Kyungsoo wasn’t sure why it surprised him that Luhan and Joonmyun were dating, but it did. It surprised him even more that they were still together, almost a year after Luhan had first mentioned it. He was constantly amazed by other people’s relationships and how much it seemed like they belonged in a book or a movie, not real life.
“He’s also the reason I’m here, actually,” Luhan continued when Kyungsoo hadn’t said anything in response. He seemed a little nervous, fidgeting with his hands in front of his body. “I want to buy him something...maybe like...a ring. Not like...you know...an engagement ring, just...I want to show him that I’m serious about him.”
“Of course,” Kyungsoo said, smiling. “I think that’s nice.”
“Really? You do?” Luhan’s eyes widened hopefully. It looked hilariously adorable on his youthful face. “You don’t think it’s too...I don’t know...too...anything?”
Kyungsoo laughed and shook his head. “Not at all.”
“You wouldn’t tell me if you did, though. It’s your job to sell stuff.”
“Good to know you have such faith in my integrity as a friend.” Kyungsoo gave a short sigh and walked over to one of the mid-priced displays. “Here are some rings you might want to take a look at.”
“Thanks.”
Kyungsoo started to walk back over to the register while Luhan browsed, but he’d barely taken two steps when Luhan called him back over. “This one is perfect.”
Kyungsoo unlocked the case and took out the ring Luhan had picked. It was plain, with two bands, one silver and one gold, that crossed over each other. It was perfect for Joonmyun, who always looked crisp and valued simplicity. “I think he’ll love it.”
He packaged the ring and bid him good day, and when he left, the store seemed even colder and lonelier without Luhan’s aura of giddy happiness. Kyungsoo looked at the now empty space in the display and wondered if he’d ever feel that way about someone.
A few days later, Kyungsoo met up with Luhan’s other half who was now sporting the new silver and gold ring. Joonmyun had quit his job at the jewelry store just a few weeks ago, leaving Kyungsoo essentially in charge, because he’d found other work elsewhere. Interestingly, since they’d ceased to be coworkers, they’d actually started spending more time together than they ever had.
Their friendship reminded Kyungsoo of those he heard about between roommates who hated each other only until they no longer lived together. Once you got past the excessive politeness, Joonmyun was pretty okay. Likeable, even.
“Have you heard from Jongin?” was the first thing Joonmyun asked after ‘how are you.’ Kyungsoo’s heartbeat spiked hearing his name. He didn’t think he’d heard anyone say it out loud since he’d left almost a year ago.
“No.” Kyungsoo glanced at him from across their little table in the cafe before looking back down at his spoonful of frozen yogurt. “Why do you ask?”
“Curiosity,” Joonmyun replied before licking his own spoon. “I wasn’t sure if he would come home for the summer or not.”
“Oh...I’m not sure, either. We actually haven’t spoken since he left,” Kyungsoo admitted. He stirred the remaining bit of frozen yogurt around in his bowl; it was starting to melt.
“Oh, wow. I didn’t know that. I thought you’d keep in touch.”
“Things happen that way sometimes, I guess.” Kyungsoo gave a cheerless smile. “How’s Luhan?” he asked, trying to change the subject. He didn’t think Joonmyun knew what he and Jongin had been to each other. Now didn’t seem like a great time to explain, either, especially since Kyungsoo wasn’t even sure what he would have called their relationship.
“I just hate to see you like this,” Joonmyun was saying, apparently not having heard the question.
“Like what?”
“You look so sad all the time,” Joonmyun explained, his tone heavy with concern.
Kyungsoo stopped playing with the spoon in his bowl. It couldn’t be that obvious that he still thought about Jongin every day, right? He dismissed the older’s words. “I’m not. It’s just...this weather...it’s...gloomy.” He gestured toward the window, where the rain was still coming down relentlessly.
“I don’t mean just this summer,” Joonmyun said. “It started back when he left.”
He was so observant, Kyungsoo thought. Someone give this boy a detective license.
“You miss him.” Joonmyun licked the sugar from his lips.
“Yeah,” Kyungsoo finally agreed. “I do.” He glanced out the window again, remembering how beautiful the weather had been that night Jongin had shown him the piano and kissed him the first time, and he suddenly sat up ramrod straight. “Hyung, I have to go, but here, froyo is on me ok?” Kyungsoo dug a few bills out of his wallet and practically shoved them at Joonmyun, even though he normally jumped at the chance to buy food for Kyungsoo.
“But--hold on--”
“I’ll see you later!”
He stood up, hurriedly unfolding his umbrella as he headed for the door.
“Where are you going?” Joonmyun called after him. “Kyungsoo??”
He realized once he got in his car that he wasn’t entirely confident that he remembered exactly where the piano was, but he felt like trying. He retraced the roads Jongin had taken him on last year, and things started to look familiar. Pulling the car over, he gazed out at the grass, blowing with the wind, and he could make out the shape of the piano a little ways away.
He stepped out of the car and opened his umbrella, making his way up the hill.
Kyungsoo was sort of amazed that it was still here, that it hadn’t been stolen or anything. He supposed he’d never had much trust in others.
The lid was down over the keys, maybe offering some protection from the rain. Kyungsoo lifted it and put it back slowly, revealing the keyboard and he watched the drops splash against it. Then he caught sight of a folded piece of paper wedged in between two keys and Kyungsoo snatched at it, holding it underneath his umbrella so it wouldn’t get any wetter.
For Kyungsoo, it said. His eyes widened and his heartbeat quickened. His hands started to tremble as he unfolded the paper and read the words blurred a little by the rain.
I asked my sister to leave this by the piano. I wasn’t able to spend this summer at home because I have a job here. And no, not at a convenience store, in case you were wondering. At a marketing firm! I like it here, but I wish I could see you.
If you’re here reading this, I hope it means that you still think about me. Just so you know, I still think about you.
Jongin
Kyungsoo sat down on the piano bench, not caring that it was soaked. He clutched the letter tightly in his hand and his eyes brimmed with tears.
♡
The third summer that Kyungsoo worked at the jewelry store was oddly reminiscent of the first. The heat was growing more intense as the day went on and Kyungsoo tried not to count the minutes until he could leave. He took a sip from his water bottle and sighed.
The door jingled and Kyungsoo looked up in surprise. He really hadn’t expected anyone to come in today as it was, and it was midday, the time that was usually the slowest.
A broad-shouldered figure stood still by the doorway for a moment before taking one tentative step forward and then stopping again.
Kyungsoo felt an invisible hand grasp at his heart. “Jongin?”
Kyungsoo wasn’t sure if it was really him or if the heat was making him hallucinate. He took another swig of water and closed his eyes as he swallowed.
When he opened his eyes again, Jongin was still standing there, looking even a little more uncomfortable, if it was possible.
“Jongin,” Kyungsoo said again.
“You remember my name at least, that’s a good sign,” Jongin replied, chuckling. His hair was a bit longer than Kyungsoo remembered; it nearly reached his eyelashes now and he had to keep tossing his head and flicking his bangs to the side.
Kyungsoo finally worked through his shock enough to choke out, “Come...come in.”
Jongin took a few more cautious steps inside, smiling in that way of his that still created flurries of warmth in Kyungsoo’s chest. “Still no air conditioning?”
Kyungsoo stood up and shook his head. “Unfortunately.”
“I...wasn’t sure if you’d still be working here. It’s been a while,” Jongin said as he finally traversed the rest of the distance up to the counter.
Kyungsoo nodded like he was in a trance. Jongin was talking like it had been two months, not two years. “It has.” He could hardly even believe that he was here in front of him, but nothing in Jongin’s tone would ever have suggested they’d parted in tears two summers ago and not spoken since. A silence passed between them before Kyungsoo said politely, “It’s good to see you. How was it, going to school in the States?”
“It was incredible,” Jongin said. “I really learned a lot.”
“Oh, well, that’s...that’s amazing.” Kyungsoo smiled. It really was nice to see Jongin again, even if they’d potentially been reduced to polite old friends who had little in common anymore.
“Yeah, it was great,” said Jongin. “But...I’m actually transferring back here.”
Kyungsoo stared. “Wait, really?”
Jongin smiled brilliantly at him again. “Yes. I’m back. I’m back for good. I came here directly from the airport because I couldn’t wait to tell you.”
Kyungsoo struggled to string his words together. “But...what about school?”
“I had a great experience, but I want to finish my degree closer to home. It just feels right.” Jongin nodded as he finished the sentence.
“Wow, Jongin, that’s…I’m really glad you’re here,” Kyungsoo managed.
“Me too… Isn’t it funny, that you spent so much time with me in the convenience store, but this is the first time I’ve ever even been in here?”
Kyungsoo hummed in agreement.
Jongin seemed to turn more serious as he continued, “There’s actually one other reason I came by today…I’m looking for a ring.”
“Oh, um…” Kyungsoo paused for a moment in surprise but the salesman in his brain seemed to switch on as he replied, “Certainly.” He paused again as the implications of his words set in. “For yourself, or for someone else?”
Jongin hesitated for just a second himself before he said, “It’s not for me.”
Kyungsoo swallowed around the lump that had formed in his throat. He had no logical reason to be upset about this. Of course Jongin would have found someone he loved, possibly someone he was marrying. It had been long enough.
He had encouraged Jongin to go, after all. He’d told himself it was what was best for Jongin. He’d told himself this is what he’d wanted.
He fought to keep his face emotionless, channeling his most professional demeanor as he asked, “Anything...anything particular you had in mind? A price range?”
A smile pulled at the edges of Jongin’s lips for a moment before he spoke again. “Show me one that you like. Cost is no object.”
Kyungsoo said nothing, rubbing his lips together in thought. Finally, he walked around the counter and Jongin followed as he approached a glass case near a corner of the store. Kyungsoo pointed to a simple white gold ring with only a tiny cluster of stones in the center. It wasn’t part of any especially notable or expensive collection, but Kyungsoo had always found it particularly beautiful. It was one of the only pieces he himself would be willing to wear. “Well...this has always been one of my favorites.”
“It’s perfect. I’ll take it,” Jongin said and Kyungsoo darted behind the counter again, grabbing the key to unlock the case and packaging the ring for him. He kept fighting to keep his expression blank and tried to disguise how his hands were shaking as he boxed the ring.
Jongin paid and Kyungsoo slid the box toward him across the counter.
“Kyungsoo. We haven’t seen each other for two years,” Jongin said, stating the obvious. “I acknowledge that I haven’t been part of your life that whole time, and I wasn’t part of it for very long to begin with. I have no idea what your life is like now, and I basically lied just now when I said I came directly from the airport because really, I waited outside in my car for almost an hour, afraid to come in here and find out that you weren’t here, or that you didn’t want to see me again. I acknowledge all of that. But...I want my future to be here. With you. If you still want it too, that is.”
Kyungsoo felt a hand on his own and he looked down to see Jongin gently sliding the ring onto his finger. He hadn’t even noticed him open the box.
He stared down at his hand, completely speechless. The cold metal quickly warmed on his heated skin and he couldn’t even take enough of a breath to form a response if he had one.
“I mean it, Kyungsoo,” Jongin continued on. “We still don’t know what we could be. And I still want to find out.”
Jongin took Kyungsoo’s hand again as their eyes met. Kyungsoo looked into them and saw the last two years. It seemed like Jongin was the only one left who didn’t know Kyungsoo had never stopped missing him.
“I still want to, too,” Kyungsoo promised, leaning over the counter to connect their lips. He closed his eyes and, except for the lack of air conditioning, it felt like it could be two summers ago and they were behind the counter of the convenience store again. “So let’s find out.”