Fic: Weird Creatures - Part 3-5
Title: Weird Creatures - Part 3-5
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Tosh, Owen, Gwen, and Whooping Snakes.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: So much for Ianto’s relaxing lunch break.
Word Count: 1785
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. I don’t own Whooping Snakes either, sadly.
Previous Part
Just as Ianto finished tidying up in the kitchen, Jack appeared, takeaway carton in one hand, chopsticks in the other, slurping up his own noodles like a vacuum cleaner. “Was wondrin’ where ya got to,” he mumbled, mouth too full to talk properly. He swallowed hard. “Your lunch is getting cold.”
“That’s because I had to feed the snakes first. There was no way of knowing when they last ate; I couldn’t let them starve.”
“Well, if you’re not careful, someone else is gonna eat yours before you get there.”
“Don’t you dare threaten my lunch! If anyone even thinks of nicking it, they’ll find themselves drinking cheap instant decaf for the next month, so you’d better keep your appetite to yourself. Oh, and no taking the snakes’ dumplings from the fridge either.” Ianto washed his hands at the sink as he spoke, quickly drying them before heading towards the battered old sofa beneath the Torchwood sign, where the rest of the team were now gathered together, chatting while they ate.
“Gwen told me one of the snakes got out,” Jack said through another mouthful of noodles as he trailed after Ianto, trying to eat, walk, and talk all at the same time.
“Yes, one did, but he’s back in with the others now, although I can’t promise he’ll stay there. Bit of an escape artist, that one.”
There was a faint whoop from somewhere behind him, and Ianto couldn’t help thinking it sounded a bit smug, but he didn’t look back. Everyone else had been fed; it was his turn now, and nothing was going to distract him, not even a trio of snakes that shouldn’t exist.
Fortunately for the rest of the team, Ianto’s lunch had not been touched, so he was able to squeeze onto the end of the sofa in the spot Tosh had saved for him and dig in. Paper serviette tucked into the collar of his shirt in case of drips, because silk ties deserved to be treated with the proper respect, he opened his carton of sweet and sour pork and inhaled the delicious aroma.
“Finally! You know, just once it would be nice not to be the last one who gets to eat around here,” he said mildly, wielding his chopsticks with the ease of long practice, but eating with much better manners than Jack displayed.
“Did you manage to round up your wandering snake?” Tosh asked, and Ianto nodded, waiting until he’d swallowed his mouthful before replying.
“For the time being. I think he’ll have a tough time going anywhere while he’s stuffed with pork dumplings. He ate four, and I think if there’d been any left in that carton, he might have been able to find room for a couple more. The other two only had three each but he must have worked up an appetite exploring. Looks like I’ll have to be a bit careful feeding them though; wouldn’t want to end up with overweight snakes.”
“I should think not,” Tosh agreed with a twinkle in her eye.
“I dunno, might not be such a bad idea. At least if they were fat, they’d stay wherever you left ‘em,” Owen joked. “They wouldn’t ‘ave much choice.”
“Owen! That’s not nice!” Tosh glared at the medic.
“Lighten up, Tosh! I wasn’t bein’ serious!”
“Then you shouldn’t have said it!”
“It was a joke! Why d’you have to take everything so bloody seriously?”
“Play nice, kids, or do I have to separate you?” Jack had finished eating ahead of everyone else and was now just sitting there, waiting, in the hopes that there might be leftovers he could commandeer.
Gwen cut in quickly before anyone else could say anything. “Ianto, how long d’you reckon it’ll take you to make a pen for the snakes?” She kept glancing nervously towards the Hub’s makeshift kitchen.
Ianto considered the question, chewing thoughtfully. “Hard to say. First I’ll need to do some research, figure out the right sort of habitat and how much space they’ll need. Then I’ll have to draw up plans, pick and prepare a location, source whatever materials I’ll need and get them delivered…” Chopsticks poised, he stared into space for a long moment. “Have to fit all of that in around my other responsibilities of course, so I’d say two to three weeks minimum before I’m ready to start building, and let’s say another three weeks for the actual construction.”
“Six weeks?!” Gwen squeaked, eyes wide with horror at the thought of sharing the Hub with wandering snakes for a month and a half.
“Give or take a couple of weeks.” Ianto gave a careless shrug. “Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I don’t imagine I can expect much help from the rest of you.”
“But they’re only in a plastic box; what if they keep getting out?”
Owen snorted. “What’s the matter, Cooper? Don’t tell me you’re scared of snakes!”
Gwen blushed. “Not… scared of them as such, I just don’t like them.”
“A Torchwood field agent scared of a few harmless little reptiles!” Owen threw back his head and laughed. “That’s bloody hilarious, that is!”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t you the one who didn’t want to get close enough to scan them?”
“That’s different, I was just being cautious until I could be sure they weren’t venomous. Which they’re not; they’re just weird.”
“And you’re not?”
“Up yours, Teaboy! Go play with your new pets.”
“I’m eating, in case you haven’t noticed.” Ianto dipped his chopsticks into his carton of fried rice, but before he got any further…
‘Whoooooop!’
Slowly he turned his head and looked down; there was a snake coiled up beside the sofa, eyeing his takeaway cartons with interest. “Didn’t I leave you in your nice warm box by the radiator?”
‘Whoop!’ The snake looked at Ianto, then at the cartons, and back at Ianto again. It didn’t have to be able to speak in order to get its point across.
Ianto sighed. “Fine, I suppose I did promise.” He grabbed one of Jack’s empty cartons and poured some of his leftover noodles into it, setting it on the floor for the snake, who tipped it onto its side and happily slurped the contents up like spaghetti. “That’s all you’re getting, though, so don’t bother asking for more.”
A muffled whoop came from the depths of the carton.
Gwen pulled her feet up onto the edge of the sofa. “Just keep that thing away from me.”
“And how do you suggest I do that? Put him on a leash?” Ianto rolled his eyes; what was wrong with everyone? It seemed like he and Tosh were the only ones who truly appreciated the snakes.
“I don’t know, just lock it in a cage or something!”
“Of course, because that would work.” Sometimes sarcasm was the only sensible response. “Maybe I should lock you in a cage instead, see how you like it.” No way was Ianto treating inoffensive snakes like prisoners; it would be cruel!
“Alright, kids, that’s enough!” Jack glared at his team. “Gwen, we have snakes now, so you’ll just have to get used to them. If you don’t like it, you can work up in the Tourist Office until Ianto can build them a suitable snake house.”
“But Jack…” Gwen started.
“No buts! We deal with aliens all the time; the snakes are no different. Either get used to them or stay out of the main Hub, your choice.”
That drew a scowl from Gwen, but she was learning to pick her battles. “Fine.”
“Owen.” Jack turned to the medic. “Research snakes. I know these aren’t your standard earth-type snakes but find out as much as you can anyway; some of it might apply to these guys.”
“Whatever.”
“Ianto, see if there’s anything about alien snakes in the database or the archives.”
“Mind if I finish eating first, Sir?” Ianto raised an enquiring eyebrow.
Jack grinned. “Not at all, take your time. Got to keep your strength up.” Leaning back in his seat, he turned serious, addressing the team. “This is part of our job, people. As with any creature unlucky enough to fall through the Rift, we do the best we can to care for them. Like it or not, if it’s alien, it’s our responsibility. We’re the only ones with the knowledge and the ability, aside from UNIT, and I wouldn’t even hand spider mice into their care, not after what they did to the last lot; I may not like the creepy little menaces, but they didn’t deserve that.” He let his words sink in for a moment before continuing, “If we can deal with Weevils and Hoix, we can certainly handle a few Whooping Snakes. They’re not so bad.”
Ianto eyed his lover over the top of his carton of rice. “You’ve changed your tune.”
“Well, I’m not stuck in the car with them now. Three Whooping Snakes in a confined space can be a bit much. Besides, they’re quiet now. Mostly.”
“Mm,” Ianto agreed, looking down at the noisily slurping snake. “Mostly.”
With a final slurp, the snake withdrew its head from the now empty carton, giving a quiet but satisfied whoop.
“Right, if you’re done stuffing yourself let’s get you back to your box,” Ianto told it firmly. “You could catch a chill lying on the cold floor.” He set the remains of his lunch aside, giving Jack a warning glare to remind him to keep his hands off what wasn’t his, and got to his feet. As the snake slowly made its way back to the kitchen area, he followed behind it and waited while it settled back in with its friends before providing the new residents with a fresh dish of warm water.
In his head, he began to compile a list of things he needed to get for the snakes. Chrysanthemum tea, soy milk, something more spacious for them to live in while he designed and built their new enclosure… That might be a problem. Perhaps a large dog basket would do; just about anything had to be better than the cramped containment box, where there was barely enough room for three coiled snakes and a dish of food or water.
Something else occurred to him; did snakes need to be provided with toys to keep them from getting bored? Normal earth snakes, probably not; as far as he could recall, captive snakes didn’t tend to do much, but from what he’d seen of them so far, Whooping Snakes were a bit… different.
Deep in thought, he returned to the sofa to finish his lunch. Snake ownership was new territory for him; there was a lot to consider.
TBC in Part Four
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Ianto, Jack, Tosh, Owen, Gwen, and Whooping Snakes.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Nada.
Summary: So much for Ianto’s relaxing lunch break.
Word Count: 1785
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. I don’t own Whooping Snakes either, sadly.
Previous Part
Just as Ianto finished tidying up in the kitchen, Jack appeared, takeaway carton in one hand, chopsticks in the other, slurping up his own noodles like a vacuum cleaner. “Was wondrin’ where ya got to,” he mumbled, mouth too full to talk properly. He swallowed hard. “Your lunch is getting cold.”
“That’s because I had to feed the snakes first. There was no way of knowing when they last ate; I couldn’t let them starve.”
“Well, if you’re not careful, someone else is gonna eat yours before you get there.”
“Don’t you dare threaten my lunch! If anyone even thinks of nicking it, they’ll find themselves drinking cheap instant decaf for the next month, so you’d better keep your appetite to yourself. Oh, and no taking the snakes’ dumplings from the fridge either.” Ianto washed his hands at the sink as he spoke, quickly drying them before heading towards the battered old sofa beneath the Torchwood sign, where the rest of the team were now gathered together, chatting while they ate.
“Gwen told me one of the snakes got out,” Jack said through another mouthful of noodles as he trailed after Ianto, trying to eat, walk, and talk all at the same time.
“Yes, one did, but he’s back in with the others now, although I can’t promise he’ll stay there. Bit of an escape artist, that one.”
There was a faint whoop from somewhere behind him, and Ianto couldn’t help thinking it sounded a bit smug, but he didn’t look back. Everyone else had been fed; it was his turn now, and nothing was going to distract him, not even a trio of snakes that shouldn’t exist.
Fortunately for the rest of the team, Ianto’s lunch had not been touched, so he was able to squeeze onto the end of the sofa in the spot Tosh had saved for him and dig in. Paper serviette tucked into the collar of his shirt in case of drips, because silk ties deserved to be treated with the proper respect, he opened his carton of sweet and sour pork and inhaled the delicious aroma.
“Finally! You know, just once it would be nice not to be the last one who gets to eat around here,” he said mildly, wielding his chopsticks with the ease of long practice, but eating with much better manners than Jack displayed.
“Did you manage to round up your wandering snake?” Tosh asked, and Ianto nodded, waiting until he’d swallowed his mouthful before replying.
“For the time being. I think he’ll have a tough time going anywhere while he’s stuffed with pork dumplings. He ate four, and I think if there’d been any left in that carton, he might have been able to find room for a couple more. The other two only had three each but he must have worked up an appetite exploring. Looks like I’ll have to be a bit careful feeding them though; wouldn’t want to end up with overweight snakes.”
“I should think not,” Tosh agreed with a twinkle in her eye.
“I dunno, might not be such a bad idea. At least if they were fat, they’d stay wherever you left ‘em,” Owen joked. “They wouldn’t ‘ave much choice.”
“Owen! That’s not nice!” Tosh glared at the medic.
“Lighten up, Tosh! I wasn’t bein’ serious!”
“Then you shouldn’t have said it!”
“It was a joke! Why d’you have to take everything so bloody seriously?”
“Play nice, kids, or do I have to separate you?” Jack had finished eating ahead of everyone else and was now just sitting there, waiting, in the hopes that there might be leftovers he could commandeer.
Gwen cut in quickly before anyone else could say anything. “Ianto, how long d’you reckon it’ll take you to make a pen for the snakes?” She kept glancing nervously towards the Hub’s makeshift kitchen.
Ianto considered the question, chewing thoughtfully. “Hard to say. First I’ll need to do some research, figure out the right sort of habitat and how much space they’ll need. Then I’ll have to draw up plans, pick and prepare a location, source whatever materials I’ll need and get them delivered…” Chopsticks poised, he stared into space for a long moment. “Have to fit all of that in around my other responsibilities of course, so I’d say two to three weeks minimum before I’m ready to start building, and let’s say another three weeks for the actual construction.”
“Six weeks?!” Gwen squeaked, eyes wide with horror at the thought of sharing the Hub with wandering snakes for a month and a half.
“Give or take a couple of weeks.” Ianto gave a careless shrug. “Rome wasn’t built in a day, and I don’t imagine I can expect much help from the rest of you.”
“But they’re only in a plastic box; what if they keep getting out?”
Owen snorted. “What’s the matter, Cooper? Don’t tell me you’re scared of snakes!”
Gwen blushed. “Not… scared of them as such, I just don’t like them.”
“A Torchwood field agent scared of a few harmless little reptiles!” Owen threw back his head and laughed. “That’s bloody hilarious, that is!”
Ianto raised an eyebrow. “Weren’t you the one who didn’t want to get close enough to scan them?”
“That’s different, I was just being cautious until I could be sure they weren’t venomous. Which they’re not; they’re just weird.”
“And you’re not?”
“Up yours, Teaboy! Go play with your new pets.”
“I’m eating, in case you haven’t noticed.” Ianto dipped his chopsticks into his carton of fried rice, but before he got any further…
‘Whoooooop!’
Slowly he turned his head and looked down; there was a snake coiled up beside the sofa, eyeing his takeaway cartons with interest. “Didn’t I leave you in your nice warm box by the radiator?”
‘Whoop!’ The snake looked at Ianto, then at the cartons, and back at Ianto again. It didn’t have to be able to speak in order to get its point across.
Ianto sighed. “Fine, I suppose I did promise.” He grabbed one of Jack’s empty cartons and poured some of his leftover noodles into it, setting it on the floor for the snake, who tipped it onto its side and happily slurped the contents up like spaghetti. “That’s all you’re getting, though, so don’t bother asking for more.”
A muffled whoop came from the depths of the carton.
Gwen pulled her feet up onto the edge of the sofa. “Just keep that thing away from me.”
“And how do you suggest I do that? Put him on a leash?” Ianto rolled his eyes; what was wrong with everyone? It seemed like he and Tosh were the only ones who truly appreciated the snakes.
“I don’t know, just lock it in a cage or something!”
“Of course, because that would work.” Sometimes sarcasm was the only sensible response. “Maybe I should lock you in a cage instead, see how you like it.” No way was Ianto treating inoffensive snakes like prisoners; it would be cruel!
“Alright, kids, that’s enough!” Jack glared at his team. “Gwen, we have snakes now, so you’ll just have to get used to them. If you don’t like it, you can work up in the Tourist Office until Ianto can build them a suitable snake house.”
“But Jack…” Gwen started.
“No buts! We deal with aliens all the time; the snakes are no different. Either get used to them or stay out of the main Hub, your choice.”
That drew a scowl from Gwen, but she was learning to pick her battles. “Fine.”
“Owen.” Jack turned to the medic. “Research snakes. I know these aren’t your standard earth-type snakes but find out as much as you can anyway; some of it might apply to these guys.”
“Whatever.”
“Ianto, see if there’s anything about alien snakes in the database or the archives.”
“Mind if I finish eating first, Sir?” Ianto raised an enquiring eyebrow.
Jack grinned. “Not at all, take your time. Got to keep your strength up.” Leaning back in his seat, he turned serious, addressing the team. “This is part of our job, people. As with any creature unlucky enough to fall through the Rift, we do the best we can to care for them. Like it or not, if it’s alien, it’s our responsibility. We’re the only ones with the knowledge and the ability, aside from UNIT, and I wouldn’t even hand spider mice into their care, not after what they did to the last lot; I may not like the creepy little menaces, but they didn’t deserve that.” He let his words sink in for a moment before continuing, “If we can deal with Weevils and Hoix, we can certainly handle a few Whooping Snakes. They’re not so bad.”
Ianto eyed his lover over the top of his carton of rice. “You’ve changed your tune.”
“Well, I’m not stuck in the car with them now. Three Whooping Snakes in a confined space can be a bit much. Besides, they’re quiet now. Mostly.”
“Mm,” Ianto agreed, looking down at the noisily slurping snake. “Mostly.”
With a final slurp, the snake withdrew its head from the now empty carton, giving a quiet but satisfied whoop.
“Right, if you’re done stuffing yourself let’s get you back to your box,” Ianto told it firmly. “You could catch a chill lying on the cold floor.” He set the remains of his lunch aside, giving Jack a warning glare to remind him to keep his hands off what wasn’t his, and got to his feet. As the snake slowly made its way back to the kitchen area, he followed behind it and waited while it settled back in with its friends before providing the new residents with a fresh dish of warm water.
In his head, he began to compile a list of things he needed to get for the snakes. Chrysanthemum tea, soy milk, something more spacious for them to live in while he designed and built their new enclosure… That might be a problem. Perhaps a large dog basket would do; just about anything had to be better than the cramped containment box, where there was barely enough room for three coiled snakes and a dish of food or water.
Something else occurred to him; did snakes need to be provided with toys to keep them from getting bored? Normal earth snakes, probably not; as far as he could recall, captive snakes didn’t tend to do much, but from what he’d seen of them so far, Whooping Snakes were a bit… different.
Deep in thought, he returned to the sofa to finish his lunch. Snake ownership was new territory for him; there was a lot to consider.
TBC in Part Four