Fic: Talking To Himself
Title: Talking To Himself
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Future Ianto, Past Ianto.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Set pre-Cyberwoman.
Summary: Ianto travels back in time to try and keep himself from making the mistakes he’s already made.
Word Count: 1291
Written For: Prompt 054 - Time Travel at fandomweekly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
Ianto Jones was down in the Torchwood Three archives when he found himself, or rather, when his other self found him. Perhaps unsurprisingly, he had no idea what to say to himself, he just stared at his doppelganger in disbelief, his mouth open and his mind racing in panicked circles. His other self had no such problem.
“There you are. I knew I’d find you down here somewhere; I spent a lot of time hiding in the archives when I was you.” Ianto’s other self leaned casually back against one of the towering stacks of shelves, hands shoved carelessly in his trouser pockets and a sympathetic smile on his lips. “They’re already starting to feel like home, aren’t they? If you only knew all the amazing, wonderful, and terrible things you’re going to discover down here…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I could tell you, but I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise. Besides, that’s not why I’m here.”
Ianto swallowed hard and licked at his lips with a tongue gone suddenly dry as sandpaper. “Who are you?” His voice was a hoarse, nervous croak.
“I’m you, only not you as you are now. I have the benefit of a few extra years’ experience. I’d say wisdom, but I’m not sure I’m any wiser now than I was back when…” He trailed off again with a shrug. “Time travel’s confusing. Let’s just say that future me is probably no wiser than past me was. I know more than you do, but knowledge and wisdom aren’t the same thing.” A frown creased his forehead. “It’s funny, I don’t remember this moment happening in my past, even though you’re the me that was.”
That last sentence set Ianto’s head spinning. “If you’re me from the future, how can you not remember meeting yourself in your past?”
“I have no idea, I’m not exactly an expert on time travel. Maybe I’ll remember once I return to my own time.”
“You mean you’re really here? You’re not like a holographic image projected from the future?”
“No, I’m here, as solid and real as you are, but it’s probably best if we avoid physical contact. I’m not completely sure what might happen, and I’m not eager to find out.” Ianto’s other self smiled reassuringly. “Nothing to worry about though. Shouldn’t be any problems as long as we keep a bit of distance between us.”
That was fine with Ianto. He wasn’t convinced he hadn’t simply fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion; this could all just be some bizarre dream. Then again, this was Torchwood, where few things could be dismissed as impossible. A thought occurred to him.
“How far in the future are you from?”
If the question surprised his other self, he didn’t show it.
“Four years, give or take a couple of months.”
“Four…?” Ianto had never intended to stay at Torchwood Three longer than it took to cure Lisa. Why was he still here four years in the future? Maybe he should ask… “Why are you here?”
His other self sighed, pulling his hands from his pockets and sliding down to sit on the floor.
“Trying to fix the past. Maybe it’s foolish, maybe what happened can’t be undone, but I have to at least try.” He looked sadly at his younger self. “We were wrong, and stupid, and cruel, and I’ve wished so many times that I could undo the mistakes I made when I was you. Now here we are, and maybe that means you can do things differently, avoid the mistakes I made.”
“Isn’t it a bad idea to give me information about the future?”
“Maybe, but from my perspective it might be a worse idea not to.” Ianto’s other self shrugged again. “There’s no guarantee you’ll believe me anyway.”
Ianto took that in. “Mm, true enough; not really sure I believe I’m sitting here talking to myself. So, what d’you think we were wrong about?”
“You won’t want to hear this.”
There was something in the visitor’s voice that made Ianto’s heart pound painfully in his chest.
“You’re going to tell me I shouldn’t be trying to save Lisa.” It wasn’t a question.
“No, I’m going to tell you Lisa can’t be saved, no matter what you try. It was already too late for her when we found her, we just didn’t want to accept it, too much in love to see the truth.”
“But she’s still there!”
“She’s an echo, a bunch of memories, a fragment of personality trying to hold on for our sake, but she’s losing, and she knows it. She keeps trying to tell you but you’re not hearing her. You’re only listening to the other Lisa, the cyber construct that’s gradually taking over what’s left of Lisa’s mind. There’s no undoing what’s already been done; once conversion begins it can’t be stopped or reversed. Even if all the components could be removed, all the wires and circuits extracted from her brain, all you’d be left with would be an empty shell.”
“But she remembers!”
“She’s dying, inch by inch, in agony, and when she loses the battle and the cyber programming takes over, it’ll start converting anyone it can get its hands on. Trust me, I know; I was there. I was lucky, only two people lost their lives, one of them an innocent young woman with her whole life ahead of her, and that’s something I have to carry on my conscience for the rest of my life. Let her go, while there’s still enough of Lisa left to say goodbye to. Give her that gift; don’t make her suffer any longer, let her find peace.”
“But I love her! I can’t live without her!”
“Yes you can. I am. I’m with Jack now; he’s helped me move on, but I had to go through hell before I got to where I am now. I want to spare you that part if I can. It wasn’t a pleasant experience; the things I saw, the things I did… I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, least of all myself.” Ianto’s future self locked eyes with him and he couldn’t look away. “Next time Lisa begs you to end her suffering, do it; a simple overdose of painkillers and she’ll slip away peacefully. If you don’t, you’ll be condemning her to another six months of unbearable pain, feeling her mind, the last shreds of her consciousness, slowly being erased.”
“I don’t know if I can. Caring for her, protecting her, that’s all that’s kept me going the last few months.” Ianto had never felt smaller or more helpless; his future self was asking too much!
“I don’t know either,” future Ianto replied. “I can’t make up your mind for you. All I can do is tell you what will happen if you don’t; the decision is yours alone.”
“But…”
Ianto’s other self was starting to look oddly transparent. “Well, I’ve done what I came here to do, time to go back. You’re on your own now; the rest is up to you. I hope you make the right choice, whatever that might be.” Then he faded out completely and was gone, leaving Ianto staring at the spot where he’d been sitting.
He shook his head, feeling like he was waking from some bizarre dream. “That wasn’t real, couldn’t have been. It had to be a hallucination of some kind.” Maybe it had been caused by one of the pieces of alien tech on the nearby shelves. The denial was instinctive, he simply didn’t want to believe any of what he’d just experienced. Perhaps he was cracking up from the strain.
But deep down, in the depths of his soul, he knew what he had to do.
The End
Author: badly_knitted
Characters: Future Ianto, Past Ianto.
Rating: PG
Spoilers: Set pre-Cyberwoman.
Summary: Ianto travels back in time to try and keep himself from making the mistakes he’s already made.
Word Count: 1291
Written For: Prompt 054 - Time Travel at fandomweekly.
Disclaimer: I don’t own Torchwood, or the characters. They belong to the BBC.
Ianto Jones was down in the Torchwood Three archives when he found himself, or rather, when his other self found him. Perhaps unsurprisingly, he had no idea what to say to himself, he just stared at his doppelganger in disbelief, his mouth open and his mind racing in panicked circles. His other self had no such problem.
“There you are. I knew I’d find you down here somewhere; I spent a lot of time hiding in the archives when I was you.” Ianto’s other self leaned casually back against one of the towering stacks of shelves, hands shoved carelessly in his trouser pockets and a sympathetic smile on his lips. “They’re already starting to feel like home, aren’t they? If you only knew all the amazing, wonderful, and terrible things you’re going to discover down here…” He trailed off, shaking his head. “I could tell you, but I wouldn’t want to spoil the surprise. Besides, that’s not why I’m here.”
Ianto swallowed hard and licked at his lips with a tongue gone suddenly dry as sandpaper. “Who are you?” His voice was a hoarse, nervous croak.
“I’m you, only not you as you are now. I have the benefit of a few extra years’ experience. I’d say wisdom, but I’m not sure I’m any wiser now than I was back when…” He trailed off again with a shrug. “Time travel’s confusing. Let’s just say that future me is probably no wiser than past me was. I know more than you do, but knowledge and wisdom aren’t the same thing.” A frown creased his forehead. “It’s funny, I don’t remember this moment happening in my past, even though you’re the me that was.”
That last sentence set Ianto’s head spinning. “If you’re me from the future, how can you not remember meeting yourself in your past?”
“I have no idea, I’m not exactly an expert on time travel. Maybe I’ll remember once I return to my own time.”
“You mean you’re really here? You’re not like a holographic image projected from the future?”
“No, I’m here, as solid and real as you are, but it’s probably best if we avoid physical contact. I’m not completely sure what might happen, and I’m not eager to find out.” Ianto’s other self smiled reassuringly. “Nothing to worry about though. Shouldn’t be any problems as long as we keep a bit of distance between us.”
That was fine with Ianto. He wasn’t convinced he hadn’t simply fallen asleep from sheer exhaustion; this could all just be some bizarre dream. Then again, this was Torchwood, where few things could be dismissed as impossible. A thought occurred to him.
“How far in the future are you from?”
If the question surprised his other self, he didn’t show it.
“Four years, give or take a couple of months.”
“Four…?” Ianto had never intended to stay at Torchwood Three longer than it took to cure Lisa. Why was he still here four years in the future? Maybe he should ask… “Why are you here?”
His other self sighed, pulling his hands from his pockets and sliding down to sit on the floor.
“Trying to fix the past. Maybe it’s foolish, maybe what happened can’t be undone, but I have to at least try.” He looked sadly at his younger self. “We were wrong, and stupid, and cruel, and I’ve wished so many times that I could undo the mistakes I made when I was you. Now here we are, and maybe that means you can do things differently, avoid the mistakes I made.”
“Isn’t it a bad idea to give me information about the future?”
“Maybe, but from my perspective it might be a worse idea not to.” Ianto’s other self shrugged again. “There’s no guarantee you’ll believe me anyway.”
Ianto took that in. “Mm, true enough; not really sure I believe I’m sitting here talking to myself. So, what d’you think we were wrong about?”
“You won’t want to hear this.”
There was something in the visitor’s voice that made Ianto’s heart pound painfully in his chest.
“You’re going to tell me I shouldn’t be trying to save Lisa.” It wasn’t a question.
“No, I’m going to tell you Lisa can’t be saved, no matter what you try. It was already too late for her when we found her, we just didn’t want to accept it, too much in love to see the truth.”
“But she’s still there!”
“She’s an echo, a bunch of memories, a fragment of personality trying to hold on for our sake, but she’s losing, and she knows it. She keeps trying to tell you but you’re not hearing her. You’re only listening to the other Lisa, the cyber construct that’s gradually taking over what’s left of Lisa’s mind. There’s no undoing what’s already been done; once conversion begins it can’t be stopped or reversed. Even if all the components could be removed, all the wires and circuits extracted from her brain, all you’d be left with would be an empty shell.”
“But she remembers!”
“She’s dying, inch by inch, in agony, and when she loses the battle and the cyber programming takes over, it’ll start converting anyone it can get its hands on. Trust me, I know; I was there. I was lucky, only two people lost their lives, one of them an innocent young woman with her whole life ahead of her, and that’s something I have to carry on my conscience for the rest of my life. Let her go, while there’s still enough of Lisa left to say goodbye to. Give her that gift; don’t make her suffer any longer, let her find peace.”
“But I love her! I can’t live without her!”
“Yes you can. I am. I’m with Jack now; he’s helped me move on, but I had to go through hell before I got to where I am now. I want to spare you that part if I can. It wasn’t a pleasant experience; the things I saw, the things I did… I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, least of all myself.” Ianto’s future self locked eyes with him and he couldn’t look away. “Next time Lisa begs you to end her suffering, do it; a simple overdose of painkillers and she’ll slip away peacefully. If you don’t, you’ll be condemning her to another six months of unbearable pain, feeling her mind, the last shreds of her consciousness, slowly being erased.”
“I don’t know if I can. Caring for her, protecting her, that’s all that’s kept me going the last few months.” Ianto had never felt smaller or more helpless; his future self was asking too much!
“I don’t know either,” future Ianto replied. “I can’t make up your mind for you. All I can do is tell you what will happen if you don’t; the decision is yours alone.”
“But…”
Ianto’s other self was starting to look oddly transparent. “Well, I’ve done what I came here to do, time to go back. You’re on your own now; the rest is up to you. I hope you make the right choice, whatever that might be.” Then he faded out completely and was gone, leaving Ianto staring at the spot where he’d been sitting.
He shook his head, feeling like he was waking from some bizarre dream. “That wasn’t real, couldn’t have been. It had to be a hallucination of some kind.” Maybe it had been caused by one of the pieces of alien tech on the nearby shelves. The denial was instinctive, he simply didn’t want to believe any of what he’d just experienced. Perhaps he was cracking up from the strain.
But deep down, in the depths of his soul, he knew what he had to do.
The End