number two.
so, i've come to the conclusion that i was a pretty crappy granddaughter to my nan.
she used to send me emails asking how i was and telling me what she'd been up to, and i'd only reply once in a blue moon. i hardly visited anymore either. and i can't even change this, because she's gone. she died last friday- i was too late. reading through her emails, i found one which ended with: "Think of you lots and love you loads. Nan xxxxxx". i find this heartbreaking, as this was one of the many that went unanswered. she did so much for me, and she died without knowing how much i appreciated everything she did for me, and for my brothers and sisters. this is were the guilt comes in. i was speaking to a girl i know about this, and she told me not to let it eat me up, because she knows i loved her and that's all that matters. but i still can't shake the feeling, and i've had many breakdowns this past week because of it. even as i write this, i'm crying.
so, nan, this is for you: i'm sorry. i'm sorry that i never made more of an effort to get in touch, to see how you were, and that i stopped visiting you as often as i should. you made such an impact on my life, and i'm eternally grateful for that, even though i never showed it. i'll love you forever.
28/07/53 - 30/05/08.
she used to send me emails asking how i was and telling me what she'd been up to, and i'd only reply once in a blue moon. i hardly visited anymore either. and i can't even change this, because she's gone. she died last friday- i was too late. reading through her emails, i found one which ended with: "Think of you lots and love you loads. Nan xxxxxx". i find this heartbreaking, as this was one of the many that went unanswered. she did so much for me, and she died without knowing how much i appreciated everything she did for me, and for my brothers and sisters. this is were the guilt comes in. i was speaking to a girl i know about this, and she told me not to let it eat me up, because she knows i loved her and that's all that matters. but i still can't shake the feeling, and i've had many breakdowns this past week because of it. even as i write this, i'm crying.
so, nan, this is for you: i'm sorry. i'm sorry that i never made more of an effort to get in touch, to see how you were, and that i stopped visiting you as often as i should. you made such an impact on my life, and i'm eternally grateful for that, even though i never showed it. i'll love you forever.
28/07/53 - 30/05/08.