no, I'm not okay....
I've been through so many emotional stages the last few days that I'm exhausted.
I'm not mad any more, I understand, I think thats the best way to put it. He was sad, unbelievably sad, it was his only relief. Now he watches over us. I still have trouble with it. I can't sleep very well unless I'm absolutely exhausted; I cried myself to sleep friday night. I've tried to find some way to express myself nothing works, my poetry sucks, talking does no justice to the way I feel.
And now Jennifer's baby is dead! What? Granted I only held the child once, but he was a baby. He was adorable and I just saw him at the funeral. How much can one family take?
I'm trying so hard to stay afloat but it's getting hard again....all of this...and I find out my mother is sleeping with my great uncle on my dad's side...he's like 73 or something. AND MY GREAT UNCLE!!! EWWWW!!!!! Does she have any sense or what? She's gone off the deep end.
I didn't want to come back, I know as soon as I get a free moment to think its over. The smallest thing can make me cry. I feel like I'm mourning for all of those I've lost this year and maybe I am...I have a tendancy to supress things. I can't help but ask what's on the end of the next phone call...it's my freshman year all over again. Afraid for the phone to ring. Afriad that everyone doesn't know what they mean to me I don't want to die and leave people questioning. or them die and them not know how I felt. "cause the world obviously revolves around me!" (I get so mad at myself sometimes.... I don't know)
I just don't know. I'll write more later. im tired and I have an essay exam in Russina history tomorrow! YAY 4 me! Uh-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I'm not mad any more, I understand, I think thats the best way to put it. He was sad, unbelievably sad, it was his only relief. Now he watches over us. I still have trouble with it. I can't sleep very well unless I'm absolutely exhausted; I cried myself to sleep friday night. I've tried to find some way to express myself nothing works, my poetry sucks, talking does no justice to the way I feel.
And now Jennifer's baby is dead! What? Granted I only held the child once, but he was a baby. He was adorable and I just saw him at the funeral. How much can one family take?
I'm trying so hard to stay afloat but it's getting hard again....all of this...and I find out my mother is sleeping with my great uncle on my dad's side...he's like 73 or something. AND MY GREAT UNCLE!!! EWWWW!!!!! Does she have any sense or what? She's gone off the deep end.
I didn't want to come back, I know as soon as I get a free moment to think its over. The smallest thing can make me cry. I feel like I'm mourning for all of those I've lost this year and maybe I am...I have a tendancy to supress things. I can't help but ask what's on the end of the next phone call...it's my freshman year all over again. Afraid for the phone to ring. Afriad that everyone doesn't know what they mean to me I don't want to die and leave people questioning. or them die and them not know how I felt. "cause the world obviously revolves around me!" (I get so mad at myself sometimes.... I don't know)
I just don't know. I'll write more later. im tired and I have an essay exam in Russina history tomorrow! YAY 4 me! Uh-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!