(no subject)
Am I posting too often to this community? Please yell at me if you think I am. Anyway, I have yet another “9” fic to spork (Noo, I’m not a crazy obsessed fangirl. What would give you that idea?), which the author said was a short 4x5 drabble. Hey, the pairing sounds cute, what I have a problem with is that the fic is a thousand words. Even in my naïve days, I thought a drabble was at most 500 words.
Ah, but we continue on. As usual, sporking in bold.
The fic opens with 5 fixing up 4’s knee, and his dialogue looks like this:
“Hold on, Darlin’. We’re almost finished.” […] Returning to heal 4’s clothed knee, 5 narrowed his eye playfully at the younger stitch.
“And don’t think about kickin’ either,” he said. That’s what he said. I know dialogue is hard to write, especially for characters that didn’t talk much to begin with, but why does 5 sound like my uncle from Boston?
‘What’s up injuring yourself these days?’ 3 flashed curiously, wondering why that his sister was constantly watching 5 jumble with work for the past few weeks. ‘You should be with me.’
‘We’re with each other 24/7, Bro.’ 4’s flash returned brightly. ‘Besides, 5’s cool to hang-out with. He’s really smart, too!’
‘Pfft. Don’t make me leak (Wha..?). I bet he isn’t smarter than the two of us combined.’ 3 flashed.
What the heck? I’m all for making 3 and 4 a bit different from how most people write them, but phrases like 24/7 and “Bro” I really can’t see as existing back in the 30’s or 40’s. A quick look at the online dictionary of American slang tells me the phrase “bro” was coined around the 80’s so… yeah. And why is 3 being so mean to 5? He’s a nice guy, right?
3 stared in disbelief at his twin sister and at 5. He just couldn’t believe it. His sibling was attracted to this bighearted scaredy-cat? He thought she could do better than that.
Well, actually-
… Then again, 9 and 7 were together… and 1 and 2 were much too elderly… 6 was a large amount of a blue-nosed gofer once in a while… and 8 was plain grumpy whenever 1 was. 5 was 4’s best choice.
Oh look, the author said exactly what I was going to say (excluding the 7x9 bit). And from what I can tell (from my Google searches) “blue-nosed gopher” means absolute amazement, which does not make sense when applied to 6. Spacy, yes. Amazed at everything, not as easy to see. Please tell me if the expression means something else.
He knew that jealously was biting him in the tail-pun intended. Where’s the pun? That makes no sense, it’s up there with “That’s a lot of fish.” (Oh, silly internet reviews, do you ever get old?)
4 rubbed her arm shyly, and felt as if she should give him something in return. She glanced to her brother, whose optics was widened. Grammar fail.
‘Oh… snap!’ Crackers.
Smiling bashfully, the young female ragdoll jumped into 5’s arms and embraced him tightly in thankfulness. The journeyman gasped, feeling his heart racing throughout his wires. Not the weirdest description I've heard in this fandom, but it's up there. Letting her hood fall to the back of her neck, 4’s entire head was finally revealed. She smiled brightly out at 5, and nuzzled her optics to his.
Yes, that’s the thing to do when you have a jealous brother: practically make-out in front of him, that won’t bother him at all.
The two began flashing and arguing as if it was a big deal-which was to 3.
‘Oh, lighten up, Bro!’ 4 flashed. ‘You’re just jealous!’
‘Am not, Sis!’ 3 argued back, flashing violently.
‘Are too!’
‘Am not!’
‘That’s right, you’re not jealous at all.’
‘Yes, as a matter of fact, I am jealous! I-..D’oh!’ 3 smacked a hand to his forehead, followed by chasing his sister out of the workshop. Duck season! Rabbit season!
Of course, 5 knew that 4 was a kid. Um, maybe 3 was right about 5 not being so smart. She’s older than you, sweetie. It’s perfectly fine. But was this what love felt like? Is love these precious moments of bonding, trust and fluffy interactions now and then? Damn! I was enjoying that sentence until they threw in “fluffy”. What is that?!
Oh, and another thing. This author continuously referred to the characters as "younger stitch" or "older stitch". Stitchpunk is a cute nickname, and it's iffy to refer to them as boy or girl, but you know what you can call them? People! It's not that complicated.
And then the fic just kind of ends after that. It doesn’t resolve, it just ends. And while this wasn’t as bad as others, it still made me laugh more than it intended.
Ah, but we continue on. As usual, sporking in bold.
The fic opens with 5 fixing up 4’s knee, and his dialogue looks like this:
“Hold on, Darlin’. We’re almost finished.” […] Returning to heal 4’s clothed knee, 5 narrowed his eye playfully at the younger stitch.
“And don’t think about kickin’ either,” he said. That’s what he said. I know dialogue is hard to write, especially for characters that didn’t talk much to begin with, but why does 5 sound like my uncle from Boston?
‘What’s up injuring yourself these days?’ 3 flashed curiously, wondering why that his sister was constantly watching 5 jumble with work for the past few weeks. ‘You should be with me.’
‘We’re with each other 24/7, Bro.’ 4’s flash returned brightly. ‘Besides, 5’s cool to hang-out with. He’s really smart, too!’
‘Pfft. Don’t make me leak (Wha..?). I bet he isn’t smarter than the two of us combined.’ 3 flashed.
What the heck? I’m all for making 3 and 4 a bit different from how most people write them, but phrases like 24/7 and “Bro” I really can’t see as existing back in the 30’s or 40’s. A quick look at the online dictionary of American slang tells me the phrase “bro” was coined around the 80’s so… yeah. And why is 3 being so mean to 5? He’s a nice guy, right?
3 stared in disbelief at his twin sister and at 5. He just couldn’t believe it. His sibling was attracted to this bighearted scaredy-cat? He thought she could do better than that.
Well, actually-
… Then again, 9 and 7 were together… and 1 and 2 were much too elderly… 6 was a large amount of a blue-nosed gofer once in a while… and 8 was plain grumpy whenever 1 was. 5 was 4’s best choice.
Oh look, the author said exactly what I was going to say (excluding the 7x9 bit). And from what I can tell (from my Google searches) “blue-nosed gopher” means absolute amazement, which does not make sense when applied to 6. Spacy, yes. Amazed at everything, not as easy to see. Please tell me if the expression means something else.
He knew that jealously was biting him in the tail-pun intended. Where’s the pun? That makes no sense, it’s up there with “That’s a lot of fish.” (Oh, silly internet reviews, do you ever get old?)
4 rubbed her arm shyly, and felt as if she should give him something in return. She glanced to her brother, whose optics was widened. Grammar fail.
‘Oh… snap!’ Crackers.
Smiling bashfully, the young female ragdoll jumped into 5’s arms and embraced him tightly in thankfulness. The journeyman gasped, feeling his heart racing throughout his wires. Not the weirdest description I've heard in this fandom, but it's up there. Letting her hood fall to the back of her neck, 4’s entire head was finally revealed. She smiled brightly out at 5, and nuzzled her optics to his.
Yes, that’s the thing to do when you have a jealous brother: practically make-out in front of him, that won’t bother him at all.
The two began flashing and arguing as if it was a big deal-which was to 3.
‘Oh, lighten up, Bro!’ 4 flashed. ‘You’re just jealous!’
‘Am not, Sis!’ 3 argued back, flashing violently.
‘Are too!’
‘Am not!’
‘That’s right, you’re not jealous at all.’
‘Yes, as a matter of fact, I am jealous! I-..D’oh!’ 3 smacked a hand to his forehead, followed by chasing his sister out of the workshop. Duck season! Rabbit season!
Of course, 5 knew that 4 was a kid. Um, maybe 3 was right about 5 not being so smart. She’s older than you, sweetie. It’s perfectly fine. But was this what love felt like? Is love these precious moments of bonding, trust and fluffy interactions now and then? Damn! I was enjoying that sentence until they threw in “fluffy”. What is that?!
Oh, and another thing. This author continuously referred to the characters as "younger stitch" or "older stitch". Stitchpunk is a cute nickname, and it's iffy to refer to them as boy or girl, but you know what you can call them? People! It's not that complicated.
And then the fic just kind of ends after that. It doesn’t resolve, it just ends. And while this wasn’t as bad as others, it still made me laugh more than it intended.