Rorscratch, in my fandom? More common than you'd think
Alright, since I'm in such a Watchmen-y mood, I decided to go dig up some badfic of my own. I almost settled for a Veidt one where he falls in love with a Sue from the exact second he first sees her, which is even faster than the Clockwork Orange Sue I did yesterday, but I decided to do that one later or leave it to someone else and found a Rorschach badfic for the ages instead.
And oh boy, is it a doozy.
Well, lemme offer the author's note as a preface to this...thing that masquerades as a Watchmen fic.
(Alright, readers, I give you the first chapter of this brand new fanfic. I hope you enjoy it. For the record, I own Lady Kobra and Rorscratch. I do not own Bolt, Mittens, or Freddy Krueger, although I do own the retooling of his origin. I also do not own Kobra (the cult,) but I do own this version of the Shadow. Before I start, I would like to point out that this is only in the Watchmen category because the main character is an OC based after Rorschach.)
So yeah. Author ripped off...lemme count the fandoms: Watchmen's Rorschach, now named Rorscratch (Gag), Bolt and Mittens from the Disney/Pixar/Whatever movie Bolt, Nightmare on Elm Street with Freddy Krueger, and...for the love of god, I think G.I. Joe, with Kobra. And since Rorschach's ripoff (WHO IS A CAT) is here, as is Bolt, Mittens, Krueger, and Kobra (which is a Cobra knockoff) it's technically crossover fanfic and I get to rip it to shreds through pure vitriolic fury.
In a darkened penthouse on the east side of L.A. an Irish Setter named Cathy Arbok OHOHOHO I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, lays on her bed. She looked at a small vial filled with a cloudy vapor. Her mind then went back to when her life, fell smiled to herself as she looked around the party.
Wait, what? That last sentence was not a sentence. And where are we? The penthouse or the party? I'm so confused.
The party was for the Sovereign Movie Company.
I swear to god if this is ripping off Mass Effect I'll fucking snap
Arbok had done what most people would have called impossible using some illegal pheromones that made victims fall in love with the user.
Guess what? Pheromones do not work like that. Especially not for inter-species romances.
(Hence, why they were illegal.) Thank you for that She used them to seduce a famous movie star named Bolt (a white German Shepard.) This parentheses spam is pissing me off so much Of course, she had to make him break up with his girlfriend, Mittens (a black cat). But hey, that was a price to pay, a very cheap price.
Snip for boring party shit. The author forgot to mention that Penny from Bolt wasn't hers either, but she's here and she left the boring party.
Bolt shrugged his shoulders and answered, "She said, she wasn't feeling good and she had to go home." The party went on as they usually do.
Well, is this a rich party, or a teenage who-stole-the-six-pack-from-their-dad's-fridge party? Because those are quite different.
But two minutes later, everyone in the room heard a window shatter. The person who shattered it was a young woman dressed in a fedora scarf that covered most of her face, a black jumpsuit, two holsters on her hips which contained two colt 19lls, and a third holster which was probably what held the grappling hook launching pistol she was holding. Her name was the Shadow. The setter would know because she had fought her three times back in her days as Lady Kobra.
Ymhm. Our Irish Setter protagonist was apparently married/sleeping with Cobra Kobra Commander. Every sentence scars me a bit more. Megasnip; Shadow starts shooting at the Setter whose name I don't care to look for. Bollocks to the protagonist! I'm skipping to...ohgod, Rorscratch. But first, to prove I'm not just guessing on whether or not she's ripping off G.I. Joe:
They waited a second before Arbok said, "I'll be right out." They were confused at this. (They didn't expect her to give up this easily.) A minute later, the setter smashed open the door, but it wasn't just an Irish setter. She was wearing a green skintight jumpsuit with a snake scale pattern going down the center in a line with a holster carrying a magnum strapped to her thigh, a long green cloak, a green hood, and a green mask that covered her whole face above her upper lip. She was once again LADY KOBRA.
See? Told you. Oh well, skipping the boring parts (which means we're skipping paragraph after paragraph). Lady Kobra is going to the most EVILEST BAR IN LOS ANGELES. For serious.
She pulled out a listening device and turned it on. This was VITAL to her plot. She just had to make sure she got the right spot. Then she heard a voice, “So this guy I corner he says, “Wait, no, don’t, please don’t kill me.” Says I ‘Okay…waited long enough’ and that’s when I let him have it - BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHA!” That voice belonged to a super hitman (or hit wolf as the situation would dictate) named Freddy Krueger.
Mmhm. A hitwolf named Freddy Krueger. No, he doesn't torture you in your dreams or anything; he's just a hit...wolf.../wrist /wrist
Snippers. Krueger shows up to kill Bolt and Mittens, right as Bolt is proposing to her. It hurts me so much to write that sentence. Since I don't give a damn, we're going ahead to when Rorscratch shows up.
Freddy used his fists to swat Bolt around while a horrified Mittens looked on. Within a few minutes, Bolt was bleeding. He had a broken hand,
Do dogs even have hands? No? No, they don't.
as well as three broken ribs, and was barely conscious. "And now for the Grande finale," said Krueger who dragged Bolt to the penthouse window and threw him right through the window without even bothering to open it.
So now we're ripping off the Comedian's death scene in Watchmen, too. Fuck me. Snip to Rorscratch's arrival (I thought some more plagiarism would be good, since I had just noticed it).
Fortunately for her, she didn't need to worry because at that moment a grappling hook shot out of the air and embedded itself in the ceiling. Freddy looked out the shattered window and didn't like what he saw and said just two words, "Oh boy."Shortly after speaking, a cat wearing a trench coat, a fedora, white scarf, black shoes, white gloves, pinstriped pants, and an inkblot mask that kept changing patterns. He was carrying Bolt over his shoulder and used his momentum to deliver a strong kick to Krueger's jaw which sent him flying into a wall.
Congratu-fucking-lations for making it this far. Here's Rorscratch, the Rorschach ripoff and cousin to Mittens...or something, I don't really give a damn either way.
The cat set down Bolt and spoke "Krueger, I don't have time for your madness. Who told you to kill these two?"
AND HE EVEN SPEAKS IN COMPLETE SENTENCES. GODDAMN.
Freddy wiped the blood off his face. "Alright, Rorscratch, you dumb person,
OOOH RORSCRATCH YOU GOT BURNED
I'll tell you I was at a bar when some nerd
My god, Krueger, can't you think of any worse insults?! It's like he's got the mind of an angry six year old that doesn't want to get in trouble for saying naughty things.
blew a hole in the ceiling and distributed these leaflets. Reading 'to the criminal who is reading this I offer ten billion dollars if you can kill Bolt and Mittens. The reason for this is classified but if it helps they live on 2510 Essex Lane in the penthouse on Essex Tower. You may want to hurry as this will be printed in the next issue of the Underworld Star.' Now needing drinking money, I ran over here to get my money so STAND STILL!!" He lunged only for Rorscratch to grab his arm and fling him out the broken window. The last thing they heard from him that night was "YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
I hate it, hate it hate it hate it, when they put in the death cries.
Rorscratch looked down at the falling hit wolf, "Sometimes I REALLY wish he didn't have that healing factor."
AND NOW THE DOG WOLF IS WOLVERINE. X-MEN RIPOFF TOO? Alright, I don't even want to go on. This is horrible. Writing the word Rorscratch so often has now caused me some sort of twitch.
And oh boy, is it a doozy.
Well, lemme offer the author's note as a preface to this...thing that masquerades as a Watchmen fic.
(Alright, readers, I give you the first chapter of this brand new fanfic. I hope you enjoy it. For the record, I own Lady Kobra and Rorscratch. I do not own Bolt, Mittens, or Freddy Krueger, although I do own the retooling of his origin. I also do not own Kobra (the cult,) but I do own this version of the Shadow. Before I start, I would like to point out that this is only in the Watchmen category because the main character is an OC based after Rorschach.)
So yeah. Author ripped off...lemme count the fandoms: Watchmen's Rorschach, now named Rorscratch (Gag), Bolt and Mittens from the Disney/Pixar/Whatever movie Bolt, Nightmare on Elm Street with Freddy Krueger, and...for the love of god, I think G.I. Joe, with Kobra. And since Rorschach's ripoff (WHO IS A CAT) is here, as is Bolt, Mittens, Krueger, and Kobra (which is a Cobra knockoff) it's technically crossover fanfic and I get to rip it to shreds through pure vitriolic fury.
In a darkened penthouse on the east side of L.A. an Irish Setter named Cathy Arbok OHOHOHO I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, lays on her bed. She looked at a small vial filled with a cloudy vapor. Her mind then went back to when her life, fell smiled to herself as she looked around the party.
Wait, what? That last sentence was not a sentence. And where are we? The penthouse or the party? I'm so confused.
The party was for the Sovereign Movie Company.
I swear to god if this is ripping off Mass Effect I'll fucking snap
Arbok had done what most people would have called impossible using some illegal pheromones that made victims fall in love with the user.
Guess what? Pheromones do not work like that. Especially not for inter-species romances.
(Hence, why they were illegal.) Thank you for that She used them to seduce a famous movie star named Bolt (a white German Shepard.) This parentheses spam is pissing me off so much Of course, she had to make him break up with his girlfriend, Mittens (a black cat). But hey, that was a price to pay, a very cheap price.
Snip for boring party shit. The author forgot to mention that Penny from Bolt wasn't hers either, but she's here and she left the boring party.
Bolt shrugged his shoulders and answered, "She said, she wasn't feeling good and she had to go home." The party went on as they usually do.
Well, is this a rich party, or a teenage who-stole-the-six-pack-from-their-dad's-fridge party? Because those are quite different.
But two minutes later, everyone in the room heard a window shatter. The person who shattered it was a young woman dressed in a fedora scarf that covered most of her face, a black jumpsuit, two holsters on her hips which contained two colt 19lls, and a third holster which was probably what held the grappling hook launching pistol she was holding. Her name was the Shadow. The setter would know because she had fought her three times back in her days as Lady Kobra.
Ymhm. Our Irish Setter protagonist was apparently married/sleeping with Cobra Kobra Commander. Every sentence scars me a bit more. Megasnip; Shadow starts shooting at the Setter whose name I don't care to look for. Bollocks to the protagonist! I'm skipping to...ohgod, Rorscratch. But first, to prove I'm not just guessing on whether or not she's ripping off G.I. Joe:
They waited a second before Arbok said, "I'll be right out." They were confused at this. (They didn't expect her to give up this easily.) A minute later, the setter smashed open the door, but it wasn't just an Irish setter. She was wearing a green skintight jumpsuit with a snake scale pattern going down the center in a line with a holster carrying a magnum strapped to her thigh, a long green cloak, a green hood, and a green mask that covered her whole face above her upper lip. She was once again LADY KOBRA.
See? Told you. Oh well, skipping the boring parts (which means we're skipping paragraph after paragraph). Lady Kobra is going to the most EVILEST BAR IN LOS ANGELES. For serious.
She pulled out a listening device and turned it on. This was VITAL to her plot. She just had to make sure she got the right spot. Then she heard a voice, “So this guy I corner he says, “Wait, no, don’t, please don’t kill me.” Says I ‘Okay…waited long enough’ and that’s when I let him have it - BWAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHHHAHAHA!” That voice belonged to a super hitman (or hit wolf as the situation would dictate) named Freddy Krueger.
Mmhm. A hitwolf named Freddy Krueger. No, he doesn't torture you in your dreams or anything; he's just a hit...wolf.../wrist /wrist
Snippers. Krueger shows up to kill Bolt and Mittens, right as Bolt is proposing to her. It hurts me so much to write that sentence. Since I don't give a damn, we're going ahead to when Rorscratch shows up.
Freddy used his fists to swat Bolt around while a horrified Mittens looked on. Within a few minutes, Bolt was bleeding. He had a broken hand,
Do dogs even have hands? No? No, they don't.
as well as three broken ribs, and was barely conscious. "And now for the Grande finale," said Krueger who dragged Bolt to the penthouse window and threw him right through the window without even bothering to open it.
So now we're ripping off the Comedian's death scene in Watchmen, too. Fuck me. Snip to Rorscratch's arrival (I thought some more plagiarism would be good, since I had just noticed it).
Fortunately for her, she didn't need to worry because at that moment a grappling hook shot out of the air and embedded itself in the ceiling. Freddy looked out the shattered window and didn't like what he saw and said just two words, "Oh boy."Shortly after speaking, a cat wearing a trench coat, a fedora, white scarf, black shoes, white gloves, pinstriped pants, and an inkblot mask that kept changing patterns. He was carrying Bolt over his shoulder and used his momentum to deliver a strong kick to Krueger's jaw which sent him flying into a wall.
Congratu-fucking-lations for making it this far. Here's Rorscratch, the Rorschach ripoff and cousin to Mittens...or something, I don't really give a damn either way.
The cat set down Bolt and spoke "Krueger, I don't have time for your madness. Who told you to kill these two?"
AND HE EVEN SPEAKS IN COMPLETE SENTENCES. GODDAMN.
Freddy wiped the blood off his face. "Alright, Rorscratch, you dumb person,
OOOH RORSCRATCH YOU GOT BURNED
I'll tell you I was at a bar when some nerd
My god, Krueger, can't you think of any worse insults?! It's like he's got the mind of an angry six year old that doesn't want to get in trouble for saying naughty things.
blew a hole in the ceiling and distributed these leaflets. Reading 'to the criminal who is reading this I offer ten billion dollars if you can kill Bolt and Mittens. The reason for this is classified but if it helps they live on 2510 Essex Lane in the penthouse on Essex Tower. You may want to hurry as this will be printed in the next issue of the Underworld Star.' Now needing drinking money, I ran over here to get my money so STAND STILL!!" He lunged only for Rorscratch to grab his arm and fling him out the broken window. The last thing they heard from him that night was "YYYYYYYYYYYYYYYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
I hate it, hate it hate it hate it, when they put in the death cries.
Rorscratch looked down at the falling hit wolf, "Sometimes I REALLY wish he didn't have that healing factor."
AND NOW THE DOG WOLF IS WOLVERINE. X-MEN RIPOFF TOO? Alright, I don't even want to go on. This is horrible. Writing the word Rorscratch so often has now caused me some sort of twitch.