summaries to make you cry!
I've been away, faithful readers, working so hard I had no time for the Internet. That time is over now, and I present to you some of the worst summaries that cropped up while I was gone.
House
House hasnt been able to speak for six months. He had a coma and doesnt know what is wrong, he decides to go find his voice...
Here’s a thought about what’s wrong - he had a coma. And his voice is missing. And now he’s going to set off on the most ill-advised road trip since that third installment of Lord of the Rings.
When a Scottish doctor comes to work with House and his potential team, nothing is as it seems!
Oh no! He’s not actually Scottish! He’s… uh… Welsh!
House and Thirteen switched bodies.
Uh-uh, girlfriend. *three snaps in a z formation*
Remy's best friend tries to push Remy in the right direction
Based on this week’s crop of fanfic, that direction would be OFF A CLIFF.
What House was thinking after every episode.
“Not enough Vicodin.”
House decides to take Cuddy to the amusement park.
And I will go join Thirteen at the bottom of that cliff.
House and wilson are drinking together one night in collage, house desides to play some latin music.
Author, were you drinking one night at collage, listening to latin music? And you made a bad desision?
Wilson and the ducklings get an information overload after a tragic accident....
It’s always terrible when the filing cabinets fall over.
Thirteen is in the hospital room alone with a brain tumor and no vision.
It’s not enough that the woman has Huntington’s and is dating the occasionally-emotionally-frozen black guy - you’re going to give her a brain tumor AND blindness? I’ve said it before, but man, sometimes badfic authors are bitches.
Bones
A body is found far away and Booth and Bones have to share a room but, when Bones tells Booth that she will be leaving...how far will he go to keep her around?
Well, the odds are in his favor that she’ll eventually come back, since they’re sharing a room.
What if Brennan became the guardian of the teenage cousin she never knew? How would things change? What would her cousin think about the squints? And exactly how useful would she be on the Squint Squad's cases?
What if I never had to read another Mary-Sue-insert story summary? How would things change? What would the comm. think about this idea? And exactly how grateful would we all be to finally be FREE?
Booth has a daughter? What happens when she turns out to be extremely rational and logical, just like Dr. Brennan?
Say it with me - irony.
Dr Brennan has a problem. A rather persistant problem!
Badfic.
But in the process, Booth is shot.
This one is a downer for you, faithful readers, because I read it as “Booth is hot.” There was so much potential there… and then I reread it.
CSI
The future’s so bright he’s gotta wear shades and sun-block.
I always wondered why that guy didn’t wear any sun-block. Looking back on it now, seems like a good idea. Really. Skin cancer is nobody’s friend.
The csi team has a new serial killer on there hand called the Strangler. Will they catch him in time before he targets one of them?
Well, since I’m guessing that’s your entire plot arc - no.
Nick has been shoot but Sara has to go to Washington to help Gibbs's team. so she can't take care of Nick herself. or can she.
Let’s poke lots of holes in this, shall we? Nick has been shoot? Obviously the first thing Sara must do is go to Washington. That would be the first thing I would do after one of my coworkers was shot. And unless Sara’s going to take the unfortunately-shoot-ed Nick with her, she cannot take care of him.
Grissom has a tattoo, and the team is trying to figure out what it is. I know, sucky summary.
Not only a sucky summary, but I’m guessing a sucky story.
Nick Stokes has purchased what seems to be the perfect house, but he soon starts acting very strange. Can Greg and the rest of the team figure out what's going on?
Well, my first guess would be slash. And then my second guess would be the Amityville Horror.
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Sarah/Cameron femslash. Sarah has a memory lapse, strangeness ensues.
Stranger than femslash?
John’s life has drastically changed now that he’s in the future.
Yeah, I’m willing to bet that would change your life drastically.
Sarah thinks, including wondering what the hell her son was thinking when he sent Cameron back in the first place.
Femslash, remember?
The Connors infilitrate a summer camp named on the list
Speaking as a person who is gainfully employed by a summer camp - YAY!
John, and Cameron get pulled over, and Cameron explains why she has a Terminator in the back of the truck.
I think I’ve used “femslash” too many times in this spork. So, um, Nathan Fillion.
John's mother pasted way, and is left alone.
This one’s a gift for you, faithful readers - have at it.
House
House hasnt been able to speak for six months. He had a coma and doesnt know what is wrong, he decides to go find his voice...
Here’s a thought about what’s wrong - he had a coma. And his voice is missing. And now he’s going to set off on the most ill-advised road trip since that third installment of Lord of the Rings.
When a Scottish doctor comes to work with House and his potential team, nothing is as it seems!
Oh no! He’s not actually Scottish! He’s… uh… Welsh!
House and Thirteen switched bodies.
Uh-uh, girlfriend. *three snaps in a z formation*
Remy's best friend tries to push Remy in the right direction
Based on this week’s crop of fanfic, that direction would be OFF A CLIFF.
What House was thinking after every episode.
“Not enough Vicodin.”
House decides to take Cuddy to the amusement park.
And I will go join Thirteen at the bottom of that cliff.
House and wilson are drinking together one night in collage, house desides to play some latin music.
Author, were you drinking one night at collage, listening to latin music? And you made a bad desision?
Wilson and the ducklings get an information overload after a tragic accident....
It’s always terrible when the filing cabinets fall over.
Thirteen is in the hospital room alone with a brain tumor and no vision.
It’s not enough that the woman has Huntington’s and is dating the occasionally-emotionally-frozen black guy - you’re going to give her a brain tumor AND blindness? I’ve said it before, but man, sometimes badfic authors are bitches.
Bones
A body is found far away and Booth and Bones have to share a room but, when Bones tells Booth that she will be leaving...how far will he go to keep her around?
Well, the odds are in his favor that she’ll eventually come back, since they’re sharing a room.
What if Brennan became the guardian of the teenage cousin she never knew? How would things change? What would her cousin think about the squints? And exactly how useful would she be on the Squint Squad's cases?
What if I never had to read another Mary-Sue-insert story summary? How would things change? What would the comm. think about this idea? And exactly how grateful would we all be to finally be FREE?
Booth has a daughter? What happens when she turns out to be extremely rational and logical, just like Dr. Brennan?
Say it with me - irony.
Dr Brennan has a problem. A rather persistant problem!
Badfic.
But in the process, Booth is shot.
This one is a downer for you, faithful readers, because I read it as “Booth is hot.” There was so much potential there… and then I reread it.
CSI
The future’s so bright he’s gotta wear shades and sun-block.
I always wondered why that guy didn’t wear any sun-block. Looking back on it now, seems like a good idea. Really. Skin cancer is nobody’s friend.
The csi team has a new serial killer on there hand called the Strangler. Will they catch him in time before he targets one of them?
Well, since I’m guessing that’s your entire plot arc - no.
Nick has been shoot but Sara has to go to Washington to help Gibbs's team. so she can't take care of Nick herself. or can she.
Let’s poke lots of holes in this, shall we? Nick has been shoot? Obviously the first thing Sara must do is go to Washington. That would be the first thing I would do after one of my coworkers was shot. And unless Sara’s going to take the unfortunately-shoot-ed Nick with her, she cannot take care of him.
Grissom has a tattoo, and the team is trying to figure out what it is. I know, sucky summary.
Not only a sucky summary, but I’m guessing a sucky story.
Nick Stokes has purchased what seems to be the perfect house, but he soon starts acting very strange. Can Greg and the rest of the team figure out what's going on?
Well, my first guess would be slash. And then my second guess would be the Amityville Horror.
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
Sarah/Cameron femslash. Sarah has a memory lapse, strangeness ensues.
Stranger than femslash?
John’s life has drastically changed now that he’s in the future.
Yeah, I’m willing to bet that would change your life drastically.
Sarah thinks, including wondering what the hell her son was thinking when he sent Cameron back in the first place.
Femslash, remember?
The Connors infilitrate a summer camp named on the list
Speaking as a person who is gainfully employed by a summer camp - YAY!
John, and Cameron get pulled over, and Cameron explains why she has a Terminator in the back of the truck.
I think I’ve used “femslash” too many times in this spork. So, um, Nathan Fillion.
John's mother pasted way, and is left alone.
This one’s a gift for you, faithful readers - have at it.