(no subject)
That is it. The fangirl's have crossed a line.
They've pulled THE vampire-Count Dracula himself-into Twilight. And they've done it badly. You have been warned.
Okay my name is Caroline McCullough. It’s 1854 and I am to be married this Sunday on my 16th birthday. My father is one of the founders of this town, He and my mother are both very pleased that I’m marrying the count. But he is such a strange man. He stays inside the house all day and keeps to himself. I wonder…
I wonder what gives you the impression that people actually talk this way.
Today is the day I get married. Today is the day I get married! The more I say it the less real I feel!
That's because you are a fictional character.
Everyones eyes were on me but I didn’t notice all I could see was the eyes of my future husband in front of me. He took my hand and I turned to look at him. He had extremely pale skin that contrasted perfectly with the black suit he was wearing. He had black hair, high cheek bones and a face that would make any sculptre cry. I looked into his black eyes and I wasn’t scared but in stead I was happy. Because if someone had that face must be an angel. little did i know it was the exact opposite.
Ignoring the fact that the grammar and punctuation here is a fail, if you can make something nonexistant like a sculptre cry you must be pretty damn ugly. Oh, wait, he's supposed to be angelic? Did you even read Dracula, where he was ugly?
I was nervous when I came here. I wasn’t sure how long my control would last. But now here I am getting married to and angel. In all my many years I never even dreamed that I would be getting married. Yet here I am debating weather or not to run.
and =/= an. Weather =/= whether. Characterization = fail.
When I looked up what I saw took my breath away and took all my fears with it. There at the end of the isle was the most beautiful creature I’ve ever laid eyes upon. All I could do was stare. As she glided towards me I took her hand and she turned. Throughout the entire ceremony all we did was stare at each other. It wasn’t uncomfortable instead it felt rather nice. It was as if se had hypnotized me, a human! I have never felt like this…ever.
Mina Harker, bitches. Not Mary Sue Caroline Whatsherface.
(Time change!!)
It’s been almost a month since we’ve been married. And I’ve decided to tell her my secreat tonight. I hope she understands.
No. NO. It does not work that way. Learn to write exposition.
Her snow pale throat was marked with at least a dozen cuts of varying depths. The guilt made my stomach turn. I looked at my wife. She gave me a sad smile and put her hand on the back of my hand. She gently led my head back down to her neck. “It’s alright.” she softly whispered in my ear.
I took as much as I could without harming her. But the cuts were still bleeding. I don’t know how much more blood she could lose without permanent damage and after that… well I wouldn’t let it get that far. I looked into her eyes and asked “do you trust me?” she nodded but grimaced in pain. I reached up on the counter and took the knife. I made a small cut on the bottom of my neck and blood slowly flowed out. I laid her head on my shoulder and told her to drink. After a second I felt a small sucking sensation start.
First, off, there's this thing humans have called the jugular vein. Second, you just smashed your own canon! Meyerpires have super hard skin, no blood, and their vampirization process does not invovle a blood exchange! And if you slash the arteries in the neck you die within minutes.
I waited until the sucking slowed to pull her away. I looked at her face. Her knowing blue eyes stared back at me. I asked her the question that’s been bugging me for a while now. “if you could would you want to be like me?” without a thought she nodded. “you wouldn’t be able to eat, have children, and we’d have to move.” she nodded in-between each thing. I sadly nodded then took the knife and plunged it through her heart.
Your heart has to be beating for the vampirization process to work in Twilight canon. Scratch that, you have to stil be alive to be vamped. Maybe you missed it, but in the original, Dracula's not all that fond of asking before biting. Hence LUCY.