Once again, I decided to surf The Pit for KHR fics. Alas,
this had to burn my eyes. Sporking is in bold.
Firstly, I present to you the foreword (at least this is what I think it is,) given to us by the author:
Welcome all to my story. Before I continue, you must be warned. This is not for very young kids of those who are too innocent to see the truth of life. I am going to tell about my life, not all of it, but important parts. The parts I think everyone should know. So that if a little kid tells your mom to make him your home tutor you can run, run as fast as you can and never look back.
Unfortunetly being the boss of the family means that I can't give you all of my story right here and know, so I will seperate it into chapters. Oh, that’s Taiki calling, Asuka must be in trouble again. I will be back with my first chapter soon, so stay tuned, and remember to always be alert. Not everyone in this world is friendly.
What is unfortunetly?
Now moving on to the main story…
Disclaimer: Though I may own this family, this story, and all these words, I do not own Hitman Reborn, after all he is his own person.
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Chapter One: My Tutor
I looked at my mom incredulously. "I have a what?" I asked, cleaning my ears to make sure I hadn't miss heard her.
"Starting today, you have a home tutor Maimi! Isn't that just great!" My mom gushed.
But maybe I should introduce myself before going any further. My name is Fukuda Maimi. Yes my last name is first, for those not knowledgeable in Japanese culture. I live in a little town at the base of Mt. Fuji, Japan called Oguri for the chestnut trees that populate it. I am in my third and last year of middle school, and doing pretty well. I'm fourth in my class in grades and fifteenth in my year. Needless to say I was the one that tutored people, I did not need my own tutor.
Well at least it isn’t the epic paragraph of description, though the name amuses me, since I read it as Miami.
"Mom, I don't need a tutor. I just got a ninety-eight on this last exam." I said showing her the paper. "Why did you get me a home tutor?"
My mom looked down trodden for a second. But only a second. "But look here Maimi! It says he can teach you anything from manners to self defense, all for just food and board. Isn't that a great deal Maimi!"
I get the food part, but what in the world does she mean by board? Blackboard? Chalkboard? Cardboard?
Also, it’s supposed to be “Isn’t that a great deal, Maimi?”
"Uh yeah mom, real great." I said giving up. No use trying to argue with my mom when she thought she had done something really good. I just hoped I might be able to convince this so called tutor to leave. "So when's he coming."
“So when is he coming?” Punctuation darling, it makes reading a whole lot easier.
"He's here already, in your room! Why don't you go up and great him, I need to make dinner." My mom smiled happily before walking into the kitchen.
Of course mother, I’ll go up and great him right now. *headdesk*
"Hello Fukuda Maimi. My name is Colonnello and starting today I will be your home tutor to train you to be the 10th generation Beccio family boss, hey!" The kid, who I then knew was called Colonello, was straightforward, completely serious, and had a weird accent, like Italien or something.
One: Colonello does not talk like that. He may insert a kora here and there, but definitely no heys.
Two: What’s Italien? Is it the Italian version of an alien?
I sighed, no use trying to reason with a crazy person, it would almost be easier to reason with my mom. But it is true what he said, I look nothing like a mafia boss. I have shoulder length orange pink hair, natural despite rumors, and the same color eyes, both of which I had gotten from my mom. Though they say that I get my average height, strong figure, and nose from my dad. I usually keep my hair in a ponytail with a ribbon, the color of which always changed with my mood. Today it was orange, my favorite color. How ironic, usually only good stuff happens when I wear my orange ribbon.
Oh noes! It is the dreaded paragraph of description of Mary-Sues!
"Just who is this Reborn?. And why do you keep saying ‘hey’?" I asked, curiously and irritatedly.
New word to add to the dictionary folks; Irritatedly.
Irritatedly (def): (Noun) Assumed to be ‘irritated’. Description of a feeling which is closely associated with wanting to gouge a badfic author’s eyes out in retaliation and anger at being forced to read their mindfucking works.
I sighed, once again giving up. "What do I have to do to get you to leave me alone?" I asked placitly.
Again, this wonderful author gives us a new word to add to our vocabulary: Placitly.
Placitly (def): Assumed to be the antonym of placidly. (noun form: placit) A tactic used by badfic authors. The lulling of readers into a false sense of security, before subjecting them to horrendous spellings, atrocious grammar, raping of canon, and self-insertion/insertion of Mary-Sues. This ultimately causes said readers to; gouge their eyes out, head-butt the nearest solid object immediately, or undergo strenuous auto-suggestion in order to forget the traumatic event.
You might be wondering about my dad. You see he died a couple years ago in a bad car accident. I still get sad, who wouldn’t, but my mom and I try to make the best of it.
This sentence springs up out of nowhere, her father having nothing to do with the current happenings of the situation in this fic.
I rolled over and closed my eyes, telling myself to not worry about it, just go with the flow. 'Free your soul, live though it, and dance.’
Live though it? How can I live though something? Or does she mean to say: Live through it?
Someone be a dear and hand me some brain bleach. I'm afraid my stock has run out.