crossover: ffvii/ffviii/fail
Browsing the Pit, I came across a crossover where, if I’m reading correctly, Cloud and Squall come from a world where plot, capitalisation and any correct dialogue convention are non-existent.
My troll sense can’t help but tingle, but frankly my brother’s attempts at fan fic were pretty much identical to this, so.
Anyway, the story begins and we’re introduced to this world as Cloud goes to Balamb, meets Blaze, an unnecessary OC, and reveals the situation to Squall:
Cloud walks over to the lunch table and asks are you Squall Lion heart? Cloud asks Yes I'm Squall may i help you, yes you can Cloud says i herd of rumors that my evil rival and your evil rival teamed up to destroy us. Which totality stinks. Cloud say disgusted.
Yeah, Sephiroth + Ultimecia will be fairly irritating :/
A few attempts to keep Squall in-character have not been abandoned just yet. Here he reveals his character in point form:
I need to let you know a few things about me 1 I tend to work alone, 2 I need to study for my Seed Test so I can get money for adventuring 3 and I also need to do some research about my parents since i don't know much about my past. Squall says sternly.
Squall soon reveals a fourth item for his list: he’s full of quick-witted zingers.
Squall says Great were in trouble its Sefir and his bodyguards. just be quiet Cloud let me do the talking OK Squall says smartly. okay Cloud says. Sefir how have you been lately nice scar on your head oh yeah i gave it to you any way whats the problem Squall asks
Snap.
Before they all head off Quistis - sorry, Ms Troupe - gives a detailed and accurate description of GFs:
Okay GFs are like guardian angels that protect you ,for example Ms. Troupe says Squall here has Quetzalli … Zell here has Ifrit since hes a hot head, and ifrit has fire sorry i got you mad Zell i was just joking you know i do that. This is Rinoa she don't have a GF she has her pet dog Balto he is a very valuable ally.
Yes. Balto. Suddenly this cross-over is heading in a new direction. Anyway, they head off and Cloud speculates the situation:
Since i think when Sephiroth and Ultimecia joined forces I think Sephiroth brought back Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo. There tuff they have these black gloves that can summon shadow monsters that are hard to beat. and probably Neo Bahamut sin will be back hes very strong.
On the way, disaster strikes!
Hey Squall the only thing we need to go through is the dessert then we should get to The Golden Saucer. I just hope we don't get caught in a sandstorm Squall says worried. To late Cloud says un surprised. Squall says that's my luck.
Waiter, there’s an inexplicable sandstorm in my icecream!
Then it gets really weird.
While walking Cloud and Squall almost tripped over a fox looking animal when Cloud picked up the fox person and takes a look at the fox person. and he recognizes its his wife. Cloud barely recognizes Foxy because shes so battered and beaten. Blaze looks at Foxy and asks whose this person Cloud Blaze says upset.Blaze i have not been truly honest with you this beaten creature is my wife she disappeared a year ago while i was delivering some packages. When i came home she was not around so I thought she went shopping or something. So i did not think much of it
A YEAR ago. She went shopping for a YEAR. Who would think anything of that?
So Squall and Tifa go on a date and we establish that… one of them isn’t with any member of either game, and we take weird crossovers even further.
your welcome Squall said to Tifa. Oh Tifa asks do you have a girlfriend Squall ? No Squall says surprised why do you ask Tifa Squall says well because I thought you and Rinoa had something going on. No im just helping her out and I think Rinoa has a crush on Cloud but im not sure.
Squall says Okay Tifa asks what a bout you and Quistis. No but i think she is kinda cute but your hotter then she is Squall says aw Tifa says your so sweet . Thanks Tifa Oh yeah before you ask Selphi and I have nothing going on either. That's enough about me so whats up with you and Cloud Squall asks Tifa he told me you two were married and you had a son named Denzel . Well the truth is that yes Cloud and I were married once and we had a son named Blinx not Denzel
There is no denying that they’ve nailed the characterisations. First Squall, and now note the level of care and support Tifa offers Cloud:
So Cloud Tifa says sympathetically hows Foxy doing .
Well Cloud says not to will i do not think shes going to survive since I don't have enough Gil to get her the right Doctors she needs to help her heal. Cloud says sadly .
Aw that sucks Tifa says.
yes i know that Tifa but i do not want to lose her like i lost Aeris Cloud says almost crying.
Damn-it Cloud why do you still keep blaming your self for what happened to Aeris there was nothing you could do it was her destiny to die like that be cause if she did not die then the world would of been destroyed by meteor do you not get that Cloud then we wouldn't be here neither would Squall and the rest of his friends and look I know you going through a lot right now you know almost losing your wife since i know she can be helped but you need to get the money to help her look at me Cloud I am also upset at this too but look I moved on from the darkness of what happened to aeris and my father hell i almost died but who helped me get healed you did Cloud and i do not want you to be all depressed or anything i mean look you have a nice wife and a couple girls who have a crush on you. I am not that lucky i love Squall and well i do not know if are relationship well get off the ground but i love him and i think he likes me.
Touching.
If wall’o’text and incomprehensible dialogue are your thing, you'll find it here.
My troll sense can’t help but tingle, but frankly my brother’s attempts at fan fic were pretty much identical to this, so.
Anyway, the story begins and we’re introduced to this world as Cloud goes to Balamb, meets Blaze, an unnecessary OC, and reveals the situation to Squall:
Cloud walks over to the lunch table and asks are you Squall Lion heart? Cloud asks Yes I'm Squall may i help you, yes you can Cloud says i herd of rumors that my evil rival and your evil rival teamed up to destroy us. Which totality stinks. Cloud say disgusted.
Yeah, Sephiroth + Ultimecia will be fairly irritating :/
A few attempts to keep Squall in-character have not been abandoned just yet. Here he reveals his character in point form:
I need to let you know a few things about me 1 I tend to work alone, 2 I need to study for my Seed Test so I can get money for adventuring 3 and I also need to do some research about my parents since i don't know much about my past. Squall says sternly.
Squall soon reveals a fourth item for his list: he’s full of quick-witted zingers.
Squall says Great were in trouble its Sefir and his bodyguards. just be quiet Cloud let me do the talking OK Squall says smartly. okay Cloud says. Sefir how have you been lately nice scar on your head oh yeah i gave it to you any way whats the problem Squall asks
Snap.
Before they all head off Quistis - sorry, Ms Troupe - gives a detailed and accurate description of GFs:
Okay GFs are like guardian angels that protect you ,for example Ms. Troupe says Squall here has Quetzalli … Zell here has Ifrit since hes a hot head, and ifrit has fire sorry i got you mad Zell i was just joking you know i do that. This is Rinoa she don't have a GF she has her pet dog Balto he is a very valuable ally.
Yes. Balto. Suddenly this cross-over is heading in a new direction. Anyway, they head off and Cloud speculates the situation:
Since i think when Sephiroth and Ultimecia joined forces I think Sephiroth brought back Kadaj, Loz, and Yazoo. There tuff they have these black gloves that can summon shadow monsters that are hard to beat. and probably Neo Bahamut sin will be back hes very strong.
On the way, disaster strikes!
Hey Squall the only thing we need to go through is the dessert then we should get to The Golden Saucer. I just hope we don't get caught in a sandstorm Squall says worried. To late Cloud says un surprised. Squall says that's my luck.
Waiter, there’s an inexplicable sandstorm in my icecream!
Then it gets really weird.
While walking Cloud and Squall almost tripped over a fox looking animal when Cloud picked up the fox person and takes a look at the fox person. and he recognizes its his wife. Cloud barely recognizes Foxy because shes so battered and beaten. Blaze looks at Foxy and asks whose this person Cloud Blaze says upset.Blaze i have not been truly honest with you this beaten creature is my wife she disappeared a year ago while i was delivering some packages. When i came home she was not around so I thought she went shopping or something. So i did not think much of it
A YEAR ago. She went shopping for a YEAR. Who would think anything of that?
So Squall and Tifa go on a date and we establish that… one of them isn’t with any member of either game, and we take weird crossovers even further.
your welcome Squall said to Tifa. Oh Tifa asks do you have a girlfriend Squall ? No Squall says surprised why do you ask Tifa Squall says well because I thought you and Rinoa had something going on. No im just helping her out and I think Rinoa has a crush on Cloud but im not sure.
Squall says Okay Tifa asks what a bout you and Quistis. No but i think she is kinda cute but your hotter then she is Squall says aw Tifa says your so sweet . Thanks Tifa Oh yeah before you ask Selphi and I have nothing going on either. That's enough about me so whats up with you and Cloud Squall asks Tifa he told me you two were married and you had a son named Denzel . Well the truth is that yes Cloud and I were married once and we had a son named Blinx not Denzel
There is no denying that they’ve nailed the characterisations. First Squall, and now note the level of care and support Tifa offers Cloud:
So Cloud Tifa says sympathetically hows Foxy doing .
Well Cloud says not to will i do not think shes going to survive since I don't have enough Gil to get her the right Doctors she needs to help her heal. Cloud says sadly .
Aw that sucks Tifa says.
yes i know that Tifa but i do not want to lose her like i lost Aeris Cloud says almost crying.
Damn-it Cloud why do you still keep blaming your self for what happened to Aeris there was nothing you could do it was her destiny to die like that be cause if she did not die then the world would of been destroyed by meteor do you not get that Cloud then we wouldn't be here neither would Squall and the rest of his friends and look I know you going through a lot right now you know almost losing your wife since i know she can be helped but you need to get the money to help her look at me Cloud I am also upset at this too but look I moved on from the darkness of what happened to aeris and my father hell i almost died but who helped me get healed you did Cloud and i do not want you to be all depressed or anything i mean look you have a nice wife and a couple girls who have a crush on you. I am not that lucky i love Squall and well i do not know if are relationship well get off the ground but i love him and i think he likes me.
Touching.
If wall’o’text and incomprehensible dialogue are your thing, you'll find it here.