This is not a flame, it's constructive criticism. Honest. PART 2
From the Godchild Cain archives at FF.NET. I haven't found one decent fanfic for this anime, so its a good place to pick on.
Adding to a_mael's contribution:
Warning: some yaoi. Yes folks, boyxboy. If I see ONE just ONE flame I will go mad and have my wife, mistress, girlfriend, and owner kill you. I have them all on speed dial. And some gore. It IS godchild isn’t it.
Russel Peters: Be A Man!
And then, some more... at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4354646/1/Golden_Blood_and_Angel_Wings
Jizabel looked over to his captive... He was unconscious, those beautiful golden eyes covered by eyelids.
Is there anything else that we could cover it with?
The silver haired man had the urge to cut the offending eye lids off, but that would soil the eyes.
That particular pair of eyelids is an abbhorence! I am disgusted, really! Of all things unholy... We shan't speak of those abominable eyelids in my presence!
And he wanted them clean when he presented them to his father. Would his father be proud? Would he give him the praise he always wanted? Or would he shun Jizabel. Jizabel, frankly, didn’t know, and really didn’t care.
So much thought put into something that Jizabel didn't care.
I could not resist pressing my lips to his. Every thing about his man was captivating, his eyes, hair, and skin. All above everyone else. Would his salvia, his blood. Was every better coming from this man?!
... !... !?!... ?
I didn't get that at all.
I took my lips off of his and injected him yet again with a sedative. Knocking him back into unconscious. Damn those eyelids of his.
Only now have i known such passionate hate for a bodypart...
Cain began to cry, a single tear streaming down his cheek.
I've tried doing that... It's just not possible, especially in the face of imminent danger.
Hack-and-slash moment. Cain bids farewell to his eyes (he keeps the horrible eyelids though. Curses!)
Now Cain lays dying...
...took his last, agonizing, gasping breath of groggy mold filled air in the basement of his childhood home.
Mold that's up partying all night is always groggy in the morning.
Oh and I get this so much... I am woman, and finicky as well... Or maybe it's just me:
Only nine years... Just nine short years, that actually felt like a lifetime
It's a trend... The author couldn't seem to decide on some things like this one, and this other instance, after the hack-and-slash part, after Jizabel collects Cain's eyes.
The man was breathing shallowly now. Stronger than Jizabel expected.
PS: and yes, in badfic land, titles do not need to really say anything about the story...
Adding to a_mael's contribution:
Warning: some yaoi. Yes folks, boyxboy. If I see ONE just ONE flame I will go mad and have my wife, mistress, girlfriend, and owner kill you. I have them all on speed dial. And some gore. It IS godchild isn’t it.
Russel Peters: Be A Man!
And then, some more... at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4354646/1/Golden_Blood_and_Angel_Wings
Jizabel looked over to his captive... He was unconscious, those beautiful golden eyes covered by eyelids.
Is there anything else that we could cover it with?
The silver haired man had the urge to cut the offending eye lids off, but that would soil the eyes.
That particular pair of eyelids is an abbhorence! I am disgusted, really! Of all things unholy... We shan't speak of those abominable eyelids in my presence!
And he wanted them clean when he presented them to his father. Would his father be proud? Would he give him the praise he always wanted? Or would he shun Jizabel. Jizabel, frankly, didn’t know, and really didn’t care.
So much thought put into something that Jizabel didn't care.
I could not resist pressing my lips to his. Every thing about his man was captivating, his eyes, hair, and skin. All above everyone else. Would his salvia, his blood. Was every better coming from this man?!
... !... !?!... ?
I didn't get that at all.
I took my lips off of his and injected him yet again with a sedative. Knocking him back into unconscious. Damn those eyelids of his.
Only now have i known such passionate hate for a bodypart...
Cain began to cry, a single tear streaming down his cheek.
I've tried doing that... It's just not possible, especially in the face of imminent danger.
Hack-and-slash moment. Cain bids farewell to his eyes (he keeps the horrible eyelids though. Curses!)
Now Cain lays dying...
...took his last, agonizing, gasping breath of groggy mold filled air in the basement of his childhood home.
Mold that's up partying all night is always groggy in the morning.
Oh and I get this so much... I am woman, and finicky as well... Or maybe it's just me:
Only nine years... Just nine short years, that actually felt like a lifetime
It's a trend... The author couldn't seem to decide on some things like this one, and this other instance, after the hack-and-slash part, after Jizabel collects Cain's eyes.
The man was breathing shallowly now. Stronger than Jizabel expected.
PS: and yes, in badfic land, titles do not need to really say anything about the story...