Heroes character butchery
The show's only been on for four episodes, but it's already spawned fics like this one, aptly named Insanity, at http://www.fanfiction.net/s/3192703/1/
‘You sure know how to pick them, Simone,’ she sighed to herself, resting the ball of her head against the unpainted wall of her apartment. A briefcase messily dropped on to the table next to her, yet her hands wouldn’t let go of the handle.
Ball of her head? Can she take it off, and play soccer with it?
A quiet sob, rather out of character for her, the bold boheme, came through her muffled mouth.
Her muffled mouth sounds very wrong, and vaguely dirty.
“You can fly…?” she asked, expecting it to be a complete joke. He just nodded in agreement to her question. Her staring broke and she looked away. As funny as he sounded, she was more hurt than amused by this. “Peter,” she said, slowly turning her head back in his direction, a small frown on her face. “I-I have to go,” she lied through her teeth. She pushed herself away and moved her bright red umbrella away from him. He smiled at her and waved, and she waved back, but as soon as she turned away she regretted doing even that.
She broke her staring. That sounds painful. And I have to say, Peter seems to be amazingly dumb in this one.
She got to her feet and hurried over to the other side of the room, carefully avoiding the mess on the way. She licked up the briefcase and saw that it was in perfect condition (well, as perfect as it was before the incident), but the wall… the wall was bad. She let one hand off the briefcase and gently placed it on the wall. The dent in it was huge; she really didn’t anticipate something like that happening, the way the complex was nearly in shambles. The wall was still standing; it just looked like something had carved into it and painted over.
So basically she made the briefcase hit the wall herself, using telekinesis. Note that the wall was previously unpainted. That's some considerate briefcase. And the way the writer keeps bringing up that briefcase, I suspect it is the one with powers and not Simone. Seriously, it's like in every other line. And she licked it up? It's even tasty as well!
Quietly, she got up from her bed. Despite being awake, she nearly toppled over, with her legs failing her. She managed to keep her balance and creep over to the door, which was firmly shut.
When your legs fail you, you probably will topple over, awake or not. But extra points for one of the most awkward sentences I've seen in a while.
She was a loud footstep coming in her direction. Quietly and efficiently, she crouched down next to the door.
Only one footstep?
“Doctor told me to tell you not to turn your head, much… You severed something, don’t remember what it was.”
Apparently severing stuff in your neck isn't important enough for your doctor to come and tell you this himself.
‘Oh well,’ she thought, closing her eyes. ‘We’ll get through insanity together.’
How romantic. Honey, let's grow old and insane together.
‘You sure know how to pick them, Simone,’ she sighed to herself, resting the ball of her head against the unpainted wall of her apartment. A briefcase messily dropped on to the table next to her, yet her hands wouldn’t let go of the handle.
Ball of her head? Can she take it off, and play soccer with it?
A quiet sob, rather out of character for her, the bold boheme, came through her muffled mouth.
Her muffled mouth sounds very wrong, and vaguely dirty.
“You can fly…?” she asked, expecting it to be a complete joke. He just nodded in agreement to her question. Her staring broke and she looked away. As funny as he sounded, she was more hurt than amused by this. “Peter,” she said, slowly turning her head back in his direction, a small frown on her face. “I-I have to go,” she lied through her teeth. She pushed herself away and moved her bright red umbrella away from him. He smiled at her and waved, and she waved back, but as soon as she turned away she regretted doing even that.
She broke her staring. That sounds painful. And I have to say, Peter seems to be amazingly dumb in this one.
She got to her feet and hurried over to the other side of the room, carefully avoiding the mess on the way. She licked up the briefcase and saw that it was in perfect condition (well, as perfect as it was before the incident), but the wall… the wall was bad. She let one hand off the briefcase and gently placed it on the wall. The dent in it was huge; she really didn’t anticipate something like that happening, the way the complex was nearly in shambles. The wall was still standing; it just looked like something had carved into it and painted over.
So basically she made the briefcase hit the wall herself, using telekinesis. Note that the wall was previously unpainted. That's some considerate briefcase. And the way the writer keeps bringing up that briefcase, I suspect it is the one with powers and not Simone. Seriously, it's like in every other line. And she licked it up? It's even tasty as well!
Quietly, she got up from her bed. Despite being awake, she nearly toppled over, with her legs failing her. She managed to keep her balance and creep over to the door, which was firmly shut.
When your legs fail you, you probably will topple over, awake or not. But extra points for one of the most awkward sentences I've seen in a while.
She was a loud footstep coming in her direction. Quietly and efficiently, she crouched down next to the door.
Only one footstep?
“Doctor told me to tell you not to turn your head, much… You severed something, don’t remember what it was.”
Apparently severing stuff in your neck isn't important enough for your doctor to come and tell you this himself.
‘Oh well,’ she thought, closing her eyes. ‘We’ll get through insanity together.’
How romantic. Honey, let's grow old and insane together.