It's been a while
Hello internet, it's been a while. Not entirely sure I'm back just yet but figured I ought to at least drop by and let y'all know I'm still alive.
It's been a pretty terrible month, in all honesty, and I'm not doing brilliantly. I had three weeks bereavement leave, went back for a day and couldn't go back in again. Worked form home instead because it was just... too much.
I then went on holiday, on my Raintown roadtrip with the girls. It was exactly what I needed, to just get away from everything for a week. I'm really glad I went even though I really wasn't feeling up for it.
I had two breakdowns though
One small one where I basically couldn't stop crying. That was the Glasgow gig... started crying during Forever Isn't Long Enough and just could not stop. Yelled at a random stranger. Hid in the corner after the show. Tried to sneak out without Paul seeing us. And then Claire was texting me constantly all day the following day.
The second one was the full on breakdown that I've basically been waiting for since mum died. We were driving Sho home after the last gig, there'd been a 6 hour tailback on the M6 because of an accident, we took a wrong turn, got lost, ran out of petrol... eventually got to the hotel in the wee hours and I just lost it. I was 10p short of getting a can of Bru from a vending machine and that was the straw that broke the camel's back... I ended up breaking my crutches, my handbag, my purse, and sitting on the floor of the hotel corridor sobbing so hard I threw up.
Fun times.
Right now, I'm knocked on my ass by laryngitis and tonsilitis. Doc says it's viral and it's most likely because I'm stressed and run down. She also said I'm anaemic. Right now she's just given me some lozenges and some throat spray to help with the pain but took a swab just to make sure it's not bacterial. I'm on rest and complete vocal rest until Monday at the earliest.
And wow I hadn't realised how much I talk to myself, or the TV, or how much I just randomly sing.
Last night wasn't a good night. I took a sleeping pill cos I've not slept right all week and I just sat there with the packet in my hand and went 'how many do i need to take to not wake up again'
BUT I didn't. I couldn't call the Samaritans due to lack of voice so I posted out a 'HELP' on facebook and spent the next few hours messaging with some amazin friends until I fell asleep
Still feeling vaguely like shit would be better if I wasn't here but it's passive not active.
So thats the current status of me.
Yay
*crawls back undet duvet and hides*
It's been a pretty terrible month, in all honesty, and I'm not doing brilliantly. I had three weeks bereavement leave, went back for a day and couldn't go back in again. Worked form home instead because it was just... too much.
I then went on holiday, on my Raintown roadtrip with the girls. It was exactly what I needed, to just get away from everything for a week. I'm really glad I went even though I really wasn't feeling up for it.
I had two breakdowns though
One small one where I basically couldn't stop crying. That was the Glasgow gig... started crying during Forever Isn't Long Enough and just could not stop. Yelled at a random stranger. Hid in the corner after the show. Tried to sneak out without Paul seeing us. And then Claire was texting me constantly all day the following day.
The second one was the full on breakdown that I've basically been waiting for since mum died. We were driving Sho home after the last gig, there'd been a 6 hour tailback on the M6 because of an accident, we took a wrong turn, got lost, ran out of petrol... eventually got to the hotel in the wee hours and I just lost it. I was 10p short of getting a can of Bru from a vending machine and that was the straw that broke the camel's back... I ended up breaking my crutches, my handbag, my purse, and sitting on the floor of the hotel corridor sobbing so hard I threw up.
Fun times.
Right now, I'm knocked on my ass by laryngitis and tonsilitis. Doc says it's viral and it's most likely because I'm stressed and run down. She also said I'm anaemic. Right now she's just given me some lozenges and some throat spray to help with the pain but took a swab just to make sure it's not bacterial. I'm on rest and complete vocal rest until Monday at the earliest.
And wow I hadn't realised how much I talk to myself, or the TV, or how much I just randomly sing.
Last night wasn't a good night. I took a sleeping pill cos I've not slept right all week and I just sat there with the packet in my hand and went 'how many do i need to take to not wake up again'
BUT I didn't. I couldn't call the Samaritans due to lack of voice so I posted out a 'HELP' on facebook and spent the next few hours messaging with some amazin friends until I fell asleep
Still feeling vaguely like shit would be better if I wasn't here but it's passive not active.
So thats the current status of me.
Yay
*crawls back undet duvet and hides*