Somewhere out there, theres somebody. . . .that somebody is You

[badassf1refghtr]

today was weird, ill just say that. . weird in a good way and weird in a bad way. . .first off, the past few days have been just, well. . .not good, at all, but whats done is done and i wish i could not have even gone through those days but it lasted for too long and unfortunately, shes right. . .but maybe one day, if you can forgive me for what ive done we can try again = /. . .theres a lot of things i just wanna say on this stupid thing but i cant because people get mad for "telling the world" my business, not that it bothers me but this is what this thing is for right? oh well. anyways, today started off kinda good, i didnt shower which most of the time makes me feel like a complete dirt ass but i got over it, then i went to school and came back home and then i showered, and went out with warner to go but things. after all that we went back to his house and played Halo 2 which we will prolly be doing for at least a week or so, hah. then off to work he went and i came home and sat around and did the usual. . .yeah, ill workout today routine and ended up not doing shit besides eating. . .ill start working out soon though so no worries. . .but then i started talkin to nikki about some things, well, about summer like we always do and how much we miss it and, even though me and her dont talk everyday for countless hours, she still seems to listen to me when nobody else does, eventhough i dont like doing that to people it still makes me feel special. me and her have had our problems with each other, but we both apologized for how gay we were to each other and well, hopefully thats that. so me and her talked about the times we used to hang out, listen to pantera and ball room blitz from waynes world, and of course, TWO DOLLAS!!, hah, so i had to tell emily about that, and we started talkin about the old times as well like bowling and crap like that. . .but anyways, me and nikki were talkin about my situation with amanda and what i could do. . .we came up with a few ideas. . .but i cant rush back in this time cuz nothing will have worked itself out. i need time to mature i guess, and she needs to deal with what shes got going on right now and i really just hope that this works out. she said that shell never stop loving me, but its so hard to believe cuz were both young and it just seemed like she didnt love me like she used to, its sad to think about. . .but it seemed like she loved me more when she didnt say she loved me. . .i hope you dont get mad at me for writing this, but i cant keep this all in me forever and when i tell you these things it feels like you just get pissed off at me, so i can never really say anything and have any meaning behind it. . .and in her journal, it says i offically hate her, which is not the case at all, i wrote her a note that said, ok maybe we should just relax and calm down get our shit straight then see if we can do this again, and she got all upset and everything and then the next day shes the one who calls me and says, yeah i cant do this anymore either. . .so we both agreed, i just dont understand why should would say that i officially hate her. . .that bothered me more than anything. i still fuckin love that girl to death and i would love nothing more than for this to workout, even if it doesnt, i just want her to be happy = ( i know this sounds greedy but, i just hope nobody else comes in her life and makes her as happy as i did. . .she said she didnt want a boyfriend so i really really really hope she wouldnt find someone else, if she did. . .god, i dont even know, it would seriously kill me inside, but i dont even wanna think about it. . . . .i guess since i got about 30% of the things that are bothering me out, i can talk about the weird part of my day. . .my mom came downstairs and was asking me about a song i used to play all the time a long time ago but she didnt know who sang it, what the band was called, or even if it was country, but im assuming it was country cuz i dont really think she likes Phil Anselmo to much (lead singer of Pantera for all you emo faggits out there). so i was thinking about the songs i used to listen to allll the time, and this is what got to me. all the songs i listened to that were country were like, mine and amandas songs that we listened to about 20 times a day, like Somebody and Whiskey Lullaby, and my god, i almost started to cry when i listened to those songs again. . .thats all me and her listened to were country, whenever we were together unless i was pissed off then id throw in Hatebreed or Pantera or somethin. . .but how can a song have that much of an emotional affection on me? was it because how those songs were used? like me and her would be upset so id put up whiskey lullaby in my away message and thats how she knew i was sad. . does it bring back that much of a memory. i dont know, then the next song was Little Moments Like That by Brad Paisley. . .first song we "kissed" too, hah, kinda. . .she knows what im talkin about, it wasnt exaclty playing when we kissed, but it was the same night where i drove her to kristins house and she had her arms wrapped around my arm with her head resting on my shoulder, and just so. . .picture perfect. . .if she wasnt drunk, but hey, well just say she was sober ; P at least she remembers and thats all that counts, hehe. well, i guess ill im trying to get at is that. . .i miss those days so freakin much its unbelievable and i just wish i could have another chance. . .i miss you so much babe but i understand why this has to happen right now. . .i love you

im sorry for having alllll you people, which is prolly 2 people or so that had to read all that, it was meant really for nobody, i just needed to get that out. . but thats not even the half of it. . .so im sorry for making you read that and having to see me act like a fuckin little bitch. . .anyways, my birthday is friday. . .am i excited? for some things. . .only thing that sucks is, i prolly wont be spending it with amanda like we kind of had plans for. . .but its totally understandable and i dont want you to feel obligated to see me, cuz you dont have to, you have more important things to worry about. . .but i overheard my mom saying she was gonna take me to canada since she knows that i prolly wont be doing anything on my birthday cuz she knows about me and amanda, but would that make me the cool kid or the gay kid? me and warner were talkin about that today. would people think it would be cool to have my mom there and have them be like, oh your moms so cool, i wish she would take me to canada, but on the other hand, people might think its gay that my moms there just cuz, well. . .who goes to the bar with their mom? i dont really know of that many people but ah well, who knows. . .i guess we'll see that weekend what ill be up to. . .maybe if your lucky, ill write within a few days. . .but i guess thats it for now until next time. . .goodbye

comment please, let me know your listening = /