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I have no idea why I decided to update now. I'm going to ramble in an illiterate, disorganized, ridiculously incomprehensible fashion and then go to bed. If you're not okay with that, you're not my friend.
I should have seen more camp kids over the summer. Besides going to Phish a buncha times, I didn't do anything all taht exciting. I miss so many of them now. Nothing ever happens in my town, but I've come to be completely okay with that. My friends and I hike, we play frisbee, we skate, we hang out and do dumb seeming stuff that I love to do. The partying winter I experienced last year was overall, awful for my emotional health and I have come out of it with far more negatives than positives. College kids have completely different lives now, and their lives will never be so intricately intertwined and interwoven with mine as they were in the past. I am still bitter about being fooled, being bamboozled, being used and tossed out, and being without all of them. I visisted Cornell two weeks ago and loved it and am applying there early. I saw Mary and talked to her about all sorts of shiz. I saw Ithica and chilled with Sam Eh and Jenna. WIlderness is awesome. I'm extremely happy with my schedule. Physcalc got a shakey start but is rockign out hard now, especially with my aced Calc quiz yesterday. I look foward to hockey and winter and cold weather and snowboarding and snow fun. I rented The Odyssey a week ago and did a really awful thing. I didn't have my ard and the machine couldn't find my account, so the nice girl working at the Video Source put it on her account for me. It's still in my room, so there is still late fees running up on her account. I feel awful about it. I need new skates. I need hiking shoes. I need a frisbee. I need time. I neeed sleep. I had a good day today. I didn't have to go to Van Cortlandt with my Cross Country team, so I ran with hockey, and then lifted. Then I saw Sam D on my way home. I game too much sometimes. Guitar constantly reminds me it is what keeps me alive. A major part of my summer life was missing this past summer, and that was campfires. But even as I make that statement I wonder who would come to them. I feel more and more of me pulling myself away from the rest of the world. I feel more and more of me accepting this. I have conversations with people taht used to matter and can't help but slip into an Andy Dufrane style of speech and general expression, as I ponder the ultimate circumstances of who this person is and how them and I are related. I know I am not saying what I want here. Even as I type these words I know what I want to say but feel it is so dumb, so obsessive, so overspoken of, that I do not relase it. So I will continue with ramble. Crafting is bliss. Everything about creating a useful, functional object from scratch or from basic materials brings joy to my soul. I forgot Radiohead. I should not do another last year, and let them influence my mood. It's so hard not to though. They are so blatantly brilliant, and their music is just one of those "its" to me. I want a friday night home football game. I love the feeling of those. There's too much to think about. What do I do. Where do I look. It's all so overwhelming. I need to remember how insiginficant I am. I need to go to the city and look around at all those people and all thsoe buildings and remember how little I matter. I'm watching another movie where the girls goes for the shithead. Isn't that the fucking truth. That's something I need to mention. Why do girls always go for the shitheads. That's one thing I think I'll always be able to count on. I started hacking again. I like hacking in school. It reminds me of freshmen year and ridiculous freshmen innocence and how different I was then. I'm done. I'm unsatisfied with the last 8 hours of my life and how I spent it, and I'm unsatisfied with this entry. I think theres somethign wrong with me. I was in such a good mood until a while ago. On second thought, there's defenitely somethign wrong with me. I'm in the empty theater again, where I always end up. Good night you people on screen. I'm looking forward to next showing, whenever that may be, so I can watch you partake in your lives that, because something's wrong with me, I see no way I could possibly relate to. Goodnight. I'm sorry. I'm always sorry.
I should have seen more camp kids over the summer. Besides going to Phish a buncha times, I didn't do anything all taht exciting. I miss so many of them now. Nothing ever happens in my town, but I've come to be completely okay with that. My friends and I hike, we play frisbee, we skate, we hang out and do dumb seeming stuff that I love to do. The partying winter I experienced last year was overall, awful for my emotional health and I have come out of it with far more negatives than positives. College kids have completely different lives now, and their lives will never be so intricately intertwined and interwoven with mine as they were in the past. I am still bitter about being fooled, being bamboozled, being used and tossed out, and being without all of them. I visisted Cornell two weeks ago and loved it and am applying there early. I saw Mary and talked to her about all sorts of shiz. I saw Ithica and chilled with Sam Eh and Jenna. WIlderness is awesome. I'm extremely happy with my schedule. Physcalc got a shakey start but is rockign out hard now, especially with my aced Calc quiz yesterday. I look foward to hockey and winter and cold weather and snowboarding and snow fun. I rented The Odyssey a week ago and did a really awful thing. I didn't have my ard and the machine couldn't find my account, so the nice girl working at the Video Source put it on her account for me. It's still in my room, so there is still late fees running up on her account. I feel awful about it. I need new skates. I need hiking shoes. I need a frisbee. I need time. I neeed sleep. I had a good day today. I didn't have to go to Van Cortlandt with my Cross Country team, so I ran with hockey, and then lifted. Then I saw Sam D on my way home. I game too much sometimes. Guitar constantly reminds me it is what keeps me alive. A major part of my summer life was missing this past summer, and that was campfires. But even as I make that statement I wonder who would come to them. I feel more and more of me pulling myself away from the rest of the world. I feel more and more of me accepting this. I have conversations with people taht used to matter and can't help but slip into an Andy Dufrane style of speech and general expression, as I ponder the ultimate circumstances of who this person is and how them and I are related. I know I am not saying what I want here. Even as I type these words I know what I want to say but feel it is so dumb, so obsessive, so overspoken of, that I do not relase it. So I will continue with ramble. Crafting is bliss. Everything about creating a useful, functional object from scratch or from basic materials brings joy to my soul. I forgot Radiohead. I should not do another last year, and let them influence my mood. It's so hard not to though. They are so blatantly brilliant, and their music is just one of those "its" to me. I want a friday night home football game. I love the feeling of those. There's too much to think about. What do I do. Where do I look. It's all so overwhelming. I need to remember how insiginficant I am. I need to go to the city and look around at all those people and all thsoe buildings and remember how little I matter. I'm watching another movie where the girls goes for the shithead. Isn't that the fucking truth. That's something I need to mention. Why do girls always go for the shitheads. That's one thing I think I'll always be able to count on. I started hacking again. I like hacking in school. It reminds me of freshmen year and ridiculous freshmen innocence and how different I was then. I'm done. I'm unsatisfied with the last 8 hours of my life and how I spent it, and I'm unsatisfied with this entry. I think theres somethign wrong with me. I was in such a good mood until a while ago. On second thought, there's defenitely somethign wrong with me. I'm in the empty theater again, where I always end up. Good night you people on screen. I'm looking forward to next showing, whenever that may be, so I can watch you partake in your lives that, because something's wrong with me, I see no way I could possibly relate to. Goodnight. I'm sorry. I'm always sorry.