when my grandmother was dying, it was my job to hold the space. i was the one that kept people focused on What Was Going On in the room; this wasn't a time for idle chatter & listening to the news. this was a time to Be With our loved one, to sit with her, to stroke her hair, to let her know that It Was Okay, that all was well, that we loved her. ( Read more... )

tonight i nursed jonah to sleep in a quiet house; noah was already snoozing away in his room & matthew & josh had left for the bookstore. & in our quiet, warm little bedroom i rocked & rocked my last little baby. i sniffed his hair & kissed his forehead what must have been a million times. i rubbed his little feet that now hang well off the side of ( Read more... )

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first days back to work are always the hardest ( Read more... )

noah insisting on wearing his thomas-light-up sandals all around the house this morning. (he refused to wear them most of the summer ( Read more... )

finally a break in the weather & all our windows are open wide. & somehow opening windows that have been tightly shut will always remind me of the hospice nurse telling me how many believe in cracking open the windows when a person is passing, to let the soul slip easily through. & how seamless birth & death are. & i am amazed at how this ( Read more... )

there was something so incredibly perfect today, driving home in this warm, sticky september weather, a little sweaty & with a tiny, sweaty baby in the backseat... there was this song on the radio that just Fit & the fact that at least i washed my face today... the little changes that bring us both to worries & maybe even fears?... the knowledge ( Read more... )

the first book of many set to arrive for my doula training came today! i want to break it open & start re-reading it but im going to wait on the breastfeeding books that will be coming & read those first, since those are the most relevant to *me right now ( Read more... )

so, when my water broke a few weeks ago, the phrase "the water is wide" popped into my head immediately. i didnt remember until sometime last week that it is actually the name of a song that i remember listening to a lot when i lived in california.
( lyrics if youre interested )