Addicted (2/2)
Title: Addicted (2/2)
Author: persephone_20
Character: Damon/ELena and Damon/Katherine
Spoilers: Up to 2.13 'Daddy Issues'
Author Notes: This is only connected to the last bit in so far as they are both Damon's ponderings at the end of the most recent episodes of TVD. Title comes from the song butterfly used to make this awesome vid.
Sometimes he thought she hated him as much as Katherine had seemed to love him. He had only to think of the times of Katherine’s smiles, her saunters, the come hither look in her eyes and the way she would make he and Stefan chase her. They were different. Endless worlds separated them. And yet it wasn’t Katherine’s eyes that haunted him when he closed his eyes and drank. It wasn’t the loss of Katherine that he remembered, standing there by firelight after Emily had disappeared from Bonnie and all that had been left was Stefan and Elena standing between him and the witch. It wasn’t enough that Katherine had kissed him, even though he had thought it was Elena at the time.
It wasn’t enough that he’d told Elena he loved her, especially though he’d erased her memory of it afterwards.
Sometimes he thought she hated him as much as he hated Katherine. That he couldn’t blame her for. The number of times she’d looked at him warningly when Jeremy was around, or warned Jeremy not to be left alone with Damon was only dwarfed by the number of conversations he’d had in his head where he tried to apologise. When he looked back, he realised he’d been every bit as cold to her as Katherine had been to him over the last 100 years, only he’d had much less time to perfect that coldness, and she’d been a lot less deserving.
He couldn’t remember when he started to loathe himself. It wasn’t at the time he’d started being a killer. He’d still blamed Stefan then, and a long time after, long after he’d begun to be inventive about his murderous ways. It had become one of the reasons he’d started to follow his dear, little brother, just so he could show him the monster he’d made in the place where Damon used to stand. It had been his guilt to carry; Damon hadn’t chosen this.
It hadn’t been the first time he’d seen Elena. He’d been too busy wondering what a human version of his vampire love would be like in bed. He’d wondered how her blood would taste as his eyes had travelled up her body, and the smirk that came over his lips had done nothing to hide his thoughts. He hadn’t regretted any of them, and she hadn’t regretted the glare she’d given in return. She’d been afraid of him then, all the same.
A part of him wished she’d kept that. Wondered if it would have been easier, easier to stay away from her, easier to go near her, easier to rip her throat out and prove to her he was every bit the monster she was afraid he was.
Except, she wasn’t afraid of him anymore. She was disappointed in him. Because he wasn’t being the man she’d seen he could be. As if a couple of months in this backwards town could erase 100 and many years of the vampire he’d become. Stefan knew what he’d become. He’d heard him earnestly telling Elena all about it in the beginning, though even those telling had dwindled to almost non-existence of late.
He could remember when it was he had started to loathe himself. It didn’t take a lot of thinking. It had been starting to come before he had killed Jeremy, after they had met Elena’s mom. It had been the moment that he realised he could not be the man she’d seen he could be.
When he killed Jessica by the side of the road, that had been catharsis. It had also been easy to walk away from, with no obvious trail leading back to him. He’d become a master of the trails that didn’t lead back to him. So when he found himself sitting in the bath tub with a dead body who used to be a news reporter in Mystic Falls, he wondered when it was that he had let it go so wrong.
Author: persephone_20
Character: Damon/ELena and Damon/Katherine
Spoilers: Up to 2.13 'Daddy Issues'
Author Notes: This is only connected to the last bit in so far as they are both Damon's ponderings at the end of the most recent episodes of TVD. Title comes from the song butterfly used to make this awesome vid.
Sometimes he thought she hated him as much as Katherine had seemed to love him. He had only to think of the times of Katherine’s smiles, her saunters, the come hither look in her eyes and the way she would make he and Stefan chase her. They were different. Endless worlds separated them. And yet it wasn’t Katherine’s eyes that haunted him when he closed his eyes and drank. It wasn’t the loss of Katherine that he remembered, standing there by firelight after Emily had disappeared from Bonnie and all that had been left was Stefan and Elena standing between him and the witch. It wasn’t enough that Katherine had kissed him, even though he had thought it was Elena at the time.
It wasn’t enough that he’d told Elena he loved her, especially though he’d erased her memory of it afterwards.
Sometimes he thought she hated him as much as he hated Katherine. That he couldn’t blame her for. The number of times she’d looked at him warningly when Jeremy was around, or warned Jeremy not to be left alone with Damon was only dwarfed by the number of conversations he’d had in his head where he tried to apologise. When he looked back, he realised he’d been every bit as cold to her as Katherine had been to him over the last 100 years, only he’d had much less time to perfect that coldness, and she’d been a lot less deserving.
He couldn’t remember when he started to loathe himself. It wasn’t at the time he’d started being a killer. He’d still blamed Stefan then, and a long time after, long after he’d begun to be inventive about his murderous ways. It had become one of the reasons he’d started to follow his dear, little brother, just so he could show him the monster he’d made in the place where Damon used to stand. It had been his guilt to carry; Damon hadn’t chosen this.
It hadn’t been the first time he’d seen Elena. He’d been too busy wondering what a human version of his vampire love would be like in bed. He’d wondered how her blood would taste as his eyes had travelled up her body, and the smirk that came over his lips had done nothing to hide his thoughts. He hadn’t regretted any of them, and she hadn’t regretted the glare she’d given in return. She’d been afraid of him then, all the same.
A part of him wished she’d kept that. Wondered if it would have been easier, easier to stay away from her, easier to go near her, easier to rip her throat out and prove to her he was every bit the monster she was afraid he was.
Except, she wasn’t afraid of him anymore. She was disappointed in him. Because he wasn’t being the man she’d seen he could be. As if a couple of months in this backwards town could erase 100 and many years of the vampire he’d become. Stefan knew what he’d become. He’d heard him earnestly telling Elena all about it in the beginning, though even those telling had dwindled to almost non-existence of late.
He could remember when it was he had started to loathe himself. It didn’t take a lot of thinking. It had been starting to come before he had killed Jeremy, after they had met Elena’s mom. It had been the moment that he realised he could not be the man she’d seen he could be.
When he killed Jessica by the side of the road, that had been catharsis. It had also been easy to walk away from, with no obvious trail leading back to him. He’d become a master of the trails that didn’t lead back to him. So when he found himself sitting in the bath tub with a dead body who used to be a news reporter in Mystic Falls, he wondered when it was that he had let it go so wrong.