Friendship and other fleeting parts of life
I am devastated.
I'm too tired to go into the details now. Aaron called my mobile phone this morning, from Austin's mobile, from the airport, on his way to Japan. The phone call went something like this (except longer and with more of me going "what?" because it was so loud where he was):
Aaron: Hey. I'm at the airport.
Me: Oh. Hi.
Aaron: Yeah. So....you dropped off the face of the earth.
Me: Nope. Pretty much been here the whole time. (Where have you been, you prick?)
Aaron: Well, I tried calling you a bunch of times, and messaging you twice last night.
Me: My phone doesn't accept text messages, and I never got the phone calls.
Aaron: Oh.
Me: Yeah. Oh.*
Aaron: So, I'm leaving for Japan in like, an hour. I just wanted to call and say bye.
Me: Um, bye (you FUCKING ASSHOLE).
*(How many times is "a bunch" exactly? I suppose your mobile phone must have lost my home number, which is amazingly easy to remember anyway; I suppose you forgot my e-mail address, which is the same as my name and my college; I suppose you don't know where I live or who any of my other friends are, even though my friends are your friends in large part.)
And that was it. He's gone now, for a year, to Japan. It may be quite a while until I see him, especially if I get an internship abroad next summer -- it could even be a year and a half or two years. Bon voyage, Aaron. Have a nice life.
It would be one thing if we had agreed, like he and Roz, that we were going to break up our friendship because really, with him being in Japan and all, there was just no point to carrying on. But then, friendships don't really work that way, do they? A mixture of emotional turmoil has come over me, mostly in the form of pain, anger, disappointment, regret, confusion, depression, and overwhelming sadness. It feels as though he's chipped away a piece of me and taken it with him on that long flight over the Pacific Ocean, or packed it away in a box next to Amanda's mobile phone headset, which he never returned despite repeated reminders from both of us (common courtesy? no thank you, says Aaron). It's a little disgusting how one person can make another person feel like such utter crap with one small phone call and a period of no other contact, but I suppose if it were only this one incident (however important and significant it is), it wouldn't mean so fucking much. But it fucking does, goddamnit.
Was I so naive to believe that our friendship meant so much more than this at one point in time? Am I playing the fool if I write him and tell him how I feel, in plain and soul-baring (as it were) language? I feel like I have to make a choice between my pride and an opportunity to save this friendship that is quickly slipping away. Of course, this all depends on whether I believe our friendship to even still exist, and I'm not sure I do, when it comes down to it. I thought it had a chance, a few weeks ago, but now I'm not so sure. Am I being overly dramatic? Am I simply searching for some kind of emotional drama to overwhelm me and make the emotional drama in the Scott area of my life appear small and insignificant comparatively?
Is this real?
I'm too tired to go into the details now. Aaron called my mobile phone this morning, from Austin's mobile, from the airport, on his way to Japan. The phone call went something like this (except longer and with more of me going "what?" because it was so loud where he was):
Aaron: Hey. I'm at the airport.
Me: Oh. Hi.
Aaron: Yeah. So....you dropped off the face of the earth.
Me: Nope. Pretty much been here the whole time. (Where have you been, you prick?)
Aaron: Well, I tried calling you a bunch of times, and messaging you twice last night.
Me: My phone doesn't accept text messages, and I never got the phone calls.
Aaron: Oh.
Me: Yeah. Oh.*
Aaron: So, I'm leaving for Japan in like, an hour. I just wanted to call and say bye.
Me: Um, bye (you FUCKING ASSHOLE).
*(How many times is "a bunch" exactly? I suppose your mobile phone must have lost my home number, which is amazingly easy to remember anyway; I suppose you forgot my e-mail address, which is the same as my name and my college; I suppose you don't know where I live or who any of my other friends are, even though my friends are your friends in large part.)
And that was it. He's gone now, for a year, to Japan. It may be quite a while until I see him, especially if I get an internship abroad next summer -- it could even be a year and a half or two years. Bon voyage, Aaron. Have a nice life.
It would be one thing if we had agreed, like he and Roz, that we were going to break up our friendship because really, with him being in Japan and all, there was just no point to carrying on. But then, friendships don't really work that way, do they? A mixture of emotional turmoil has come over me, mostly in the form of pain, anger, disappointment, regret, confusion, depression, and overwhelming sadness. It feels as though he's chipped away a piece of me and taken it with him on that long flight over the Pacific Ocean, or packed it away in a box next to Amanda's mobile phone headset, which he never returned despite repeated reminders from both of us (common courtesy? no thank you, says Aaron). It's a little disgusting how one person can make another person feel like such utter crap with one small phone call and a period of no other contact, but I suppose if it were only this one incident (however important and significant it is), it wouldn't mean so fucking much. But it fucking does, goddamnit.
Was I so naive to believe that our friendship meant so much more than this at one point in time? Am I playing the fool if I write him and tell him how I feel, in plain and soul-baring (as it were) language? I feel like I have to make a choice between my pride and an opportunity to save this friendship that is quickly slipping away. Of course, this all depends on whether I believe our friendship to even still exist, and I'm not sure I do, when it comes down to it. I thought it had a chance, a few weeks ago, but now I'm not so sure. Am I being overly dramatic? Am I simply searching for some kind of emotional drama to overwhelm me and make the emotional drama in the Scott area of my life appear small and insignificant comparatively?
Is this real?