7th Grade Meme
im feeling eloquent today/ i am often as such when very angry or sad. its that whole leftover emo thing from in highschool remember, where i dated that straight guy and thought he liked me or something and then spent like 3 years writing sad (but i still think pretty good) poetry about the whole non-existent ordeal.
to me it was like this monumental thing, but now that i think about it, the guy wasn't really cute or anything, and was a complete weirdo with an equally psycho family. honestly i was more creepily interested in his sociopathic younger brother at one point, and was heavily turned on by the brother's apparent trouble involving a prank regarding him blowing up his middle school. if only spectacular things like that really happened and not just in lifetime movies.
leave.
make me.
anyways, the popular meme thats circulating on mylivefacejournalbookspacetube is all about 7th grade. i barely remember 7th grade. not because it was so long ago (harhar) but because it was soo traumatic and horryfyingly embarassing that for years i've blocked it out and created fake fantasy memories or me living in japan where i went to middle school and had a brief stint as one of those rare caucasian people that are humorously employed on japanese television due mostly to the levity of a clearly non-japanese person fluently speaking japanese (friends who have lived in japan plz tell me that word i cant remember right now for these people)
in middle school i was incredibly insecure, totally a giant fag and deep inside of a closet that was inside a giant mansion that itself was metaphysically inside of another giant closet, sort of like how that universe is on a cat's collar in Men in Black. anyways in this mansion was mostly legos and computer games with a sprinkling of friends and humorous homosexual experimentation that resulted in awkward glances from kids on the bus, at least when i took the bus. i was so lame and hated and teased that i almost never rode the school bus and had my mom drive me most of the time. some girl literally grabbed my hair and slammed my face into a bus seat and it seriously fucked up my nose and literally the entire bus saw and laughed and the bus driver was like 'didnt see nothin' so yeah that sucked.
at one point i was getting in trouble in some class for some retarded thing like 'talking' (remember how bad it was to 'talk' in school WTF was the big deal?!) anyways my ridic superracist bitch southern teacher was writing me up for something and much to the delight of my classmates i exclaimed that my parents would disown me and ran out of the room, resulting in a lolzy and way over the top search party to 'hunt me down', crying, under the stairs of an unused section of the school (it was brand new) and was then accused of smoking and the vice principal, who im certain had an IQ of like 60 definitely 'smelled smoke'
another incident took place in the cafeteria, scene of much ire and horror in my 7th grade life. yes, in 7th grade which i think was 1993 or maybe 94 my mother was an actual indeed forreal lunchlady. at my middle school. (this was similar when i went to a private christian elementary school, where the lunches served were made by students' mothers and referred to as 'hot lunch' and was considered very esteemed and kids proudly said things akin to 'this lasagna is my mom's own recipe!' anyhow, yeah in middle school my mom worked in the cafeteria. perhaps the most amusing part is that, since like 5th grade (and leaving christian school) i never ate the schools lunches. i associated some horror with the transition to public school and the unfamiliarity of school lunch transitioning from this acoustic guitar handholding prayer meeting to the giant institutional mass of leering angry white trash 'poor kids' and gasp, for the first time, other races.
back to middle school. my mother the lunchlady was actually loved by many students, because her 'i dont give a fuck about anything' attitude usually resulted in students she liked with sassy senses of humour like her almost always got free something or other with a bitchy eye-roll to the the school's establishment. so i was hated but also temporarily appreciated by bitchy popular people over things like 'omg i got an extra roll for free AND it was a center piece!' of course i realise that now my mother was definitely trying to make me cooler by her being bad. but at the time i was horrified and used fake names and such to avoid the association.
in 7th grade i sat at a table populated by supernerds whose mothers' mostly also worked in the cafeteria. we had been resigned to our fate as the absolute lowest rung of middle school society and sort of banded together in our shame and free school lunch side dishes. this crew consisted of incredibly dorky guys, of which im sure at least one other was gay. though this was never confirmed, but one day we get into a scuffle and he grabbed me and screamed "i am gay!" in my face. i think it was maybe a joke IDK i hear he's dead now or in jail. he was a distant cousin of one of my first fag hags, who became really successful and hates me now. ANYWAYS
the only peer from cafe shame table i have any contact with is Shaun, now (and then) a giant anime/vinyl toy fan. i could see that coming, he introduced me basically to anime and ramen in his obsessive japan-love (perhaps source also of my fake japanese tube celeb fantasies). one of the most amusing things about Shaun was his propensity for dating exactly every girl that i hated beyond belief. those crazy theatre girls who boasted of speaking lines in foreign languages, were slightly overweight but due to their style of dress appeared much more obese and horrifying. if he's reading this now, im sorry but i couldn't have told you about it then because you were too nice to me, one of the only nice people to me in that horrible period.
now that i think of it, Shaun was notable in the school for being very cute, but incredibly shy. this was because he had a very pronounced stutter and sortof, 'twitchy' movement in his face when saying certain words. i thought it was one of those endearing qualities of genius, but many people were creeped out by it. he's pretty much gotten over the charming dorkiness of the old days and im pretty sure the stutter exists now only in livejournal sendups of popular internet memes. but i digress.
recently a slew of people from middle school and elementary days have been adding me on facebook. i find this terribly amusing because anyone that i actually considered a friend was already a friend of mine on facebook since i had it. but now all these mean and horrible people from my youth are finding me and sending me genuinely interested messages about me being 'faculty' at berkeley. WHAT THIS MEANS is that my joke of making a fake facebook and saying i worked for Cal took only about 2 years to work in my hilariously bitchy favour. and now horrible thin girls like jenny reynolds, who once convinced me she was related to burt reynolds (who incidentally i met later and he personally denied this; burt lived around where i did sorta) are adding me and sending me glorious updates like "i got married and i cant believe you are a professor now" and my absolute favourite "i always knew you were gay!" im seriously into sending them all messages like "i always knew you were a total bitch and would get knocked up" but resist. oh the temptation.
to me it was like this monumental thing, but now that i think about it, the guy wasn't really cute or anything, and was a complete weirdo with an equally psycho family. honestly i was more creepily interested in his sociopathic younger brother at one point, and was heavily turned on by the brother's apparent trouble involving a prank regarding him blowing up his middle school. if only spectacular things like that really happened and not just in lifetime movies.
leave.
make me.
anyways, the popular meme thats circulating on mylivefacejournalbookspacetube is all about 7th grade. i barely remember 7th grade. not because it was so long ago (harhar) but because it was soo traumatic and horryfyingly embarassing that for years i've blocked it out and created fake fantasy memories or me living in japan where i went to middle school and had a brief stint as one of those rare caucasian people that are humorously employed on japanese television due mostly to the levity of a clearly non-japanese person fluently speaking japanese (friends who have lived in japan plz tell me that word i cant remember right now for these people)
in middle school i was incredibly insecure, totally a giant fag and deep inside of a closet that was inside a giant mansion that itself was metaphysically inside of another giant closet, sort of like how that universe is on a cat's collar in Men in Black. anyways in this mansion was mostly legos and computer games with a sprinkling of friends and humorous homosexual experimentation that resulted in awkward glances from kids on the bus, at least when i took the bus. i was so lame and hated and teased that i almost never rode the school bus and had my mom drive me most of the time. some girl literally grabbed my hair and slammed my face into a bus seat and it seriously fucked up my nose and literally the entire bus saw and laughed and the bus driver was like 'didnt see nothin' so yeah that sucked.
at one point i was getting in trouble in some class for some retarded thing like 'talking' (remember how bad it was to 'talk' in school WTF was the big deal?!) anyways my ridic superracist bitch southern teacher was writing me up for something and much to the delight of my classmates i exclaimed that my parents would disown me and ran out of the room, resulting in a lolzy and way over the top search party to 'hunt me down', crying, under the stairs of an unused section of the school (it was brand new) and was then accused of smoking and the vice principal, who im certain had an IQ of like 60 definitely 'smelled smoke'
another incident took place in the cafeteria, scene of much ire and horror in my 7th grade life. yes, in 7th grade which i think was 1993 or maybe 94 my mother was an actual indeed forreal lunchlady. at my middle school. (this was similar when i went to a private christian elementary school, where the lunches served were made by students' mothers and referred to as 'hot lunch' and was considered very esteemed and kids proudly said things akin to 'this lasagna is my mom's own recipe!' anyhow, yeah in middle school my mom worked in the cafeteria. perhaps the most amusing part is that, since like 5th grade (and leaving christian school) i never ate the schools lunches. i associated some horror with the transition to public school and the unfamiliarity of school lunch transitioning from this acoustic guitar handholding prayer meeting to the giant institutional mass of leering angry white trash 'poor kids' and gasp, for the first time, other races.
back to middle school. my mother the lunchlady was actually loved by many students, because her 'i dont give a fuck about anything' attitude usually resulted in students she liked with sassy senses of humour like her almost always got free something or other with a bitchy eye-roll to the the school's establishment. so i was hated but also temporarily appreciated by bitchy popular people over things like 'omg i got an extra roll for free AND it was a center piece!' of course i realise that now my mother was definitely trying to make me cooler by her being bad. but at the time i was horrified and used fake names and such to avoid the association.
in 7th grade i sat at a table populated by supernerds whose mothers' mostly also worked in the cafeteria. we had been resigned to our fate as the absolute lowest rung of middle school society and sort of banded together in our shame and free school lunch side dishes. this crew consisted of incredibly dorky guys, of which im sure at least one other was gay. though this was never confirmed, but one day we get into a scuffle and he grabbed me and screamed "i am gay!" in my face. i think it was maybe a joke IDK i hear he's dead now or in jail. he was a distant cousin of one of my first fag hags, who became really successful and hates me now. ANYWAYS
the only peer from cafe shame table i have any contact with is Shaun, now (and then) a giant anime/vinyl toy fan. i could see that coming, he introduced me basically to anime and ramen in his obsessive japan-love (perhaps source also of my fake japanese tube celeb fantasies). one of the most amusing things about Shaun was his propensity for dating exactly every girl that i hated beyond belief. those crazy theatre girls who boasted of speaking lines in foreign languages, were slightly overweight but due to their style of dress appeared much more obese and horrifying. if he's reading this now, im sorry but i couldn't have told you about it then because you were too nice to me, one of the only nice people to me in that horrible period.
now that i think of it, Shaun was notable in the school for being very cute, but incredibly shy. this was because he had a very pronounced stutter and sortof, 'twitchy' movement in his face when saying certain words. i thought it was one of those endearing qualities of genius, but many people were creeped out by it. he's pretty much gotten over the charming dorkiness of the old days and im pretty sure the stutter exists now only in livejournal sendups of popular internet memes. but i digress.
recently a slew of people from middle school and elementary days have been adding me on facebook. i find this terribly amusing because anyone that i actually considered a friend was already a friend of mine on facebook since i had it. but now all these mean and horrible people from my youth are finding me and sending me genuinely interested messages about me being 'faculty' at berkeley. WHAT THIS MEANS is that my joke of making a fake facebook and saying i worked for Cal took only about 2 years to work in my hilariously bitchy favour. and now horrible thin girls like jenny reynolds, who once convinced me she was related to burt reynolds (who incidentally i met later and he personally denied this; burt lived around where i did sorta) are adding me and sending me glorious updates like "i got married and i cant believe you are a professor now" and my absolute favourite "i always knew you were gay!" im seriously into sending them all messages like "i always knew you were a total bitch and would get knocked up" but resist. oh the temptation.