Another "HELL YEA!!" kinda mood

[babyxgurlxrocks]

so Monday was Valentine's Day. It was a good day. yea i didn't get to see chris but it gave me the chance to spend sometime with people who i don't hang out with as much. Monday night Jamie and I went to Campus Corners for dinner. It was great spending time with her...i miss hangin out with her. then i came back here and got everything around for tuesday....MY BIG DAY!!! i have never been so excited about a day in my entire life...well my senior prom...but thats different...i didn't know what to do with myself. I did manage to make myself get some shit done since i have a lot of shit to do this week...im pretty proud of my self...FINALLY....Tuesday came!!!!! HELL YEA!!! I went to my classes ( even though i almost over slept because i had my alarm set for pm instead of am...thank god i had to pee!!!!) came back and *ATTEMPTED* to get something done...yea defintely didn't get anything done...i was way to excited...i was gonna see chris what do you expect???? so around 4pm i started qetting ready...Lauren tried to do my hair the way she did it the other day...but for some reason my hair wouldn't curl..:(...so Erin came up with something really cool to do my hair, so she ended up doing it...it looked awesome!!! then she did my nails...oh and if you get the chance take a look at my thumb on my right hand it says "Chris" on it...:). At 6:15 chris finally got here. he makes me so happy. im the happiest girl in the world when im with him...awwwwwwwwwww..i think im gonna cry again....for dinner we went to TGI Friday's..it was good. then we headed over to Best Buy...yea not my favorite store but hey i figured out how to get a kiss out of him...hehe im such a sneak. Then we headed back here to the dorm. before heading back inside we gave each other a Valentine's gifts. Chris got me two roses, a red one and a pink one, and a necklace and bracelet. for some reason i had a feeling he was gonna get me the bracelet cause he kept bringing stuff up about it...but i had no idea about the necklace....i love it...and i love him too. then here is where trouble starts. for some reason i can never stay happy for very long. i am realizing that i am a very jealous person...i don't mean to be...but i am. i guess im just worried that he is gonna find someone better than me and im gonna get pushed aside...AGAIN!!! but according to him that isn't gonna happen...and i believe him...then i realized how much more shit i have to get done and i just got extremely stressed out. so stressed out that i broke down at work so Heather sent me home. then i was sitting at my computer and started talking to abbey...now i think i lost my best friend here because of something i said....i didn't mean it...i was just upset and i felt as if she wasn't understanding anything i was saying. idk....i really hope she still isn't mad at me....i didn't mean it..i really didn't. then i talked to chris on the phone for almost 2 hours. he basically has pointed so many things out to me that i never noticed about myself. things thati seriously need to change. i also basically was told that if i did decide to come home for good....he wouldn't be around me as much as he is now...basically saying he wouldn't support me in my decision....when he said that it felt like a knife was stabbing me in heart..i know that he really does care about me and that he supports almost everything i do as long as it makes me happy but knowing that he wouldn't support my decision to come home devastates me. i need to learn to make myself happy...i can't make other people happy anymore. it felt good to know that chris is alot happier when we are just with each other. we don't need to mess around with each all the time to make him happy...and here i always thought i did. i have to prove to myself that i can be happy and accomplish everything that i came to BG for. i don't have to prove anything to anybody...just me.

well its off to philosophy....today is a better than yesterday...and it can only get better.