In Love With An Angel (1)
In Love With An Angel
Authors: babythyr
Pairing: GDYB
Rating: PG13 (for cursing)
Genre: Angst (for this one)
Disclaimer: I got this idea when I was reading a book. Pretty angsty, The tittle's from it, too. So basically, I don't own anything. =)
Warning: Incest.
Summary: They were unique, inseparable, invincible. They were best friends. And most of all, they were cousins.
A/N: This one's another round fic, but this time me, yb_baby, malvaviscos and ybaeviplove will be alternating to write the chapters.
* Forgive me guys. I'm disappointed. I really am. I know i have to update my fics but my mind is so busy right now. I'll have my exams in a matter of days and I'm still far from it. What should i do? T.T
* our adjesol's back. bb! <<333
and as always, COMMENTS/CRITICS ARE <<33!
--------------------------------------
One morning, you wake up and you’re a kid.
Just like that, without any notice, from today onwards, you wake up inside a body of an overweight stranger, that hates everyone, dresses in all black and thinks of anything but suicide the 84% of his time.
I wasn’t an exception.
On my thirteenth birthday, my father greeted me two days later and insisted that we eat dinner with them.
They were the perfect family: father, Yuri, Yeongdok and Yeongdon, the official proof of our complete failure. As if we were the poor imitation of them.
We were good for years: we celebrated birthdays and feasts together, travelled where we wanted for holidays, been sick together and exchanged my broken teeth to a glass of milk and a coin. Lots of photos could prove that!
Sure, it’s true that in every photo, you always end up smiling though you prefer to be stabbed, but I was really convinced that everything was fine between my parents, because I felt secure.
My own wasn’t a father like those who take you to dance lessons or go out with you to have some fun in arcades, or those who at every dance contests shout: “That’s my boy!”, and don’t stop for a second to film you or take pictures.
My father listened to what you were saying with an ear, as if he was thinking about the invention of the century and if you asked him about what you just said, he’d just stare at you blankly and ask you what you had for dinner.
He was like a guest in his own house. One whom you expected, in any moment, would ask for check out. In fact, he did. One day, he packed his things and asked us to see him in his studio just to say goodbye. I will never forget his words. He knelt in front of me and said, as if that was the most normal thing to do: “Though I won’t be living in this house anymore and I’ll be the father of two other kids, I will always be your father, too.”
That too was what hurt me the most. Like when a kid was being asked to give his candy to other kids, too.
“Don’t be selfish, share your father to other kids, too!”
And that day, he became the father of the year, but not for us.
When the twins were born, he called us, crying, at the middle of the night, and mom became his best friend. Someone who’d be there when he called, any moment, to ask how to boil an egg or to ask for advices regarding shampoo. Even if mom was trying hard not to let me know, I could tell even from a far that she was still hurting.
While I continued to feel out of place.
So, with the same unpredictability which, that day when I woke up inside a body of a stranger, a day, six years ago, when my father went out of our life forever. And that was the very moment that I understood the meaning behind the chemistry’s ‘irreversible reactions’, like when you burn something or boil an egg.
And you realize that your life (for good and bad) will never be the same again and, for how you try hard to pretend that everything’s fine, inside, you know perfectly well that the best has passed. And you’ll spend most of time to make others believe that you’re fine, for them not to worry and think that they’re obliged to make you feel better then give you a hand.
Uselessly.
My life was a never ending cycle of long and boring Sunday mornings of rain, divided between school and trainings.
The only one that could make me smile was Youngbae, the best friend one would ever wish for. We’ve been together since we were kids and, though we were complete opposites, we liked to say that we were brothers, though we never had to. Youngbae was my cousin from mother’s side and since the day my dear father decided to give himself to another family, and my classmates began to call me names and look at me in not-so-nice ways, besides my mother, he was the only one who stayed.
When we were kids, every year, Youngbae used to write a letter to Santa Clause, asking him if his parents could adopt me, and his mom, with soothing voice, used to explain to him that my parents would be in so much pain, but when mom and dad decided to part ways, I began to write threatening letters to Santa Clause, every single year, until I gave up.
Youngbae, instead, never gave up and wrote a statement that me and him, even against everyone and everything, were (and will be forever) brothers and we signed it solemnly, during a full moon, with our own blood.
Nothing would ever separate us, we were invincible, unique, and most importantly, we still believed in Santa Clause.
That night we were still nine years old. Now, we were almost sixteen and still nothing scratched the bond we had, not even a very cute girl, nor the jealousy of our classmates and co-trainees.
Youngbae was my brother and I was his. And that was enough. Used to.
But now, when we slept together at my place or his, instead of playing airplanes and water guns, we were awake until dawn to imagine our first times.
Youngbae dreamt of making love with his ideal girl. He was incredibly romantic and he was right to wish for a perfect love.
I, instead, dreamt of my first time with him. And I knew, that was a sin. Not only because we were both guys but more because in me, run the blood of his auntie.
I loved Youngbae since I was seven and that wasn’t a lie. And if I had to choose between him and my dream, I swear I’d prefer to jump off a bridge. I was guilty for he used to believe that I was his brother and I let him be.
When my mother and I moved near their place, his family came to welcome us. He caught my attention for he was at my age and he had these eyes that became crescent moons whenever he laughed. He smiled at me and took my hand to play with him. From that moment, I knew, he was someone special for me, but not like mom or dad. I knew that whenever I saw him, my cheeks burn and I could feel strange things inside my stomach. And time just made it worse.
With the knowledge of love and its complications, to look at Youngbae became physically painful. If he had known that I was dreaming to be in his arms for years, he wouldn’t be contented. There were invisible lines between us that I wasn’t allowed to break and I made sure to stay behind my limitations just to not make troubles in our cousin-best friend-relationship.
He could never be mine. But I was sure that Youngbae was my living dream, so I kept on loving him in silence, from afar, free from jealousies and disappointments, forever.
As my feelings for him got stronger in each passing days, I became more and more distant to him and just as I expected, Youngbae came and talk the hell out of me.
“Did I do something wrong, Jiyongie? Why are you avoiding me?”
He was so considerate. How could I not love him?
“Nothing Youngbae-ah. I’m just having a hard time.” It wasn’t really a lie, was it? I was really having a hard time not to stare at him.
He stared at me for a minute then his eyes lit up. “Don’t tell me you’re in love?”
I paled. Fuck yeah. “No. Are you kidding me? Besides, with whom if ever?”. I said without looking at him.
“Look at me.” he said, nudging my arm.
“You’re not funny.” I said with much aggressiveness to be considered honest.
“Jiyongie, tell me. You’re my brother, there’s nothing about you that I still don’t know.”
Oh. How wrong he was.
But I knew, I didn’t have much choice. There was no fragments of my life that he didn’t know, other friends, other places, or other stories that he wasn’t a part of, beside that part where he was the only protagonist.
With his eyes looking straight into my soul, I sighed, defeated. I was trapped.
He brought his arm around my shoulder and nodded as a sign of encouragement. “Go on. Spit it out.”
I had to say something. Think Jiyong. Think. “You know that trainee noona?”
He frowned. “Jiyongie, but we don’t have any trainee noona in the company right now.”
“Just think again. We have two trainees. A dongsaeng and a noona.”
He seemed to be thinking for a while then his eyes opened wide and smiled. God. He was so cute. “Omo, she’s cute! Do you know her name? Her address? Does she have a boyfriend?”
“Youngbae-ah! She doesn’t even know I exist! She’s too good for me.” I faked a sigh.
“What?” He pointed his finger at me accusingly. “You’re talking about my cousin slash best friend and no one is better than you. Remember, there’s no girl that’s not reachable. We just have to make a plan for you on how to pursue that noona.” he brightly concluded.
It was the most stupid thing I ever heard. But if he concentrated about that noona, I could stay calm for a while and I would talk and talk about her thinking about Youngbae and deep down, I wouldn’t really lie.
Later that day, we were in his room to play video games when Youngbae’s mom came in, as always, smiling. “Guys, I’m done cooking. I called my unnie to tell her that you’d stay for dinner Jiyongie.”
Maybe I still had time to be adopted.
“Thanks aunt! I’m really hungry.” I said.
“Good, when Bomie arrives, you both come down, okay?”
Shit. I wasn’t hungry anymore. My rival was coming. When did she come back?
Bom noona. Youngbae’s long time crush. She had a beautiful voice. She was nice, cute and funny. She used to live next door but she moved to US two years ago to join her family. She used to take care of me and Youngbae when we were still kids. Our mothers adored her.
I glanced at Youngbae and saw him beaming. Fuck. I couldn’t stand it.
Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang and I heard her infectious and irresistible laugh. And I admit, if I wasn’t already head over heels in love with my cousin, and I was totally straight, I’d fall for her, too. But alas, that wasn’t really the case. God. Why me?
“Oh. She’s here!” Youngbae whispered almost too calmly, but one look at him, I could tell that he was really excited and nervous at the same time.
Arriving at the living room where she was sitting with Youngbae’s parents, She quickly stood up and ran to hug my best friend. Youngbae hugged her back tightly as if he didn’t want to let go.
I bit my lip harshly and turned my hands into fists to prevent myself from running to them and pull my cousin away from her. Youngbae, my best friend, my fucking cousin, the love of my fucking life, was standing there, a meter away from me, hugging the love of his life and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was burning of jealousy. If looks could kill, Bommie noona was surely dead by now. God. How I wanted to tear her apart. It hurt.
How could this be possible? Where was that reset button which I could take my empty and useless life back, but without the painful reality of an unrequited and impossible love?
Then she turned around to face me. “Hey, look who’s here! The music prodigy. Come here you! Give noona a hug.”
I sighed inwardly as I stepped forward to give her what she wanted. “Noona. Long time no see. Glad you’re back.” Lies.
She pulled back gently and rumpled my hair. I cursed inside. Never. Ever. Ruin. My. Hair. You. Bitch.
I looked back at Youngbae again and saw him still looking dreamily at her. Anger rose inside of me. I had to go.
“Auntie, I forgot, I need to bring Gaho at the park.” I quickly turned around and ran out, not waiting for their reply.
I didn’t have any choice.
I needed to stay away from him, away from that impossible love.
I needed to let it go.
--------
so, how was it?
Authors: babythyr
Pairing: GDYB
Rating: PG13 (for cursing)
Genre: Angst (for this one)
Disclaimer: I got this idea when I was reading a book. Pretty angsty, The tittle's from it, too. So basically, I don't own anything. =)
Warning: Incest.
Summary: They were unique, inseparable, invincible. They were best friends. And most of all, they were cousins.
A/N: This one's another round fic, but this time me, yb_baby, malvaviscos and ybaeviplove will be alternating to write the chapters.
* Forgive me guys. I'm disappointed. I really am. I know i have to update my fics but my mind is so busy right now. I'll have my exams in a matter of days and I'm still far from it. What should i do? T.T
* our adjesol's back. bb! <<333
and as always, COMMENTS/CRITICS ARE <<33!
--------------------------------------
One morning, you wake up and you’re a kid.
Just like that, without any notice, from today onwards, you wake up inside a body of an overweight stranger, that hates everyone, dresses in all black and thinks of anything but suicide the 84% of his time.
I wasn’t an exception.
On my thirteenth birthday, my father greeted me two days later and insisted that we eat dinner with them.
They were the perfect family: father, Yuri, Yeongdok and Yeongdon, the official proof of our complete failure. As if we were the poor imitation of them.
We were good for years: we celebrated birthdays and feasts together, travelled where we wanted for holidays, been sick together and exchanged my broken teeth to a glass of milk and a coin. Lots of photos could prove that!
Sure, it’s true that in every photo, you always end up smiling though you prefer to be stabbed, but I was really convinced that everything was fine between my parents, because I felt secure.
My own wasn’t a father like those who take you to dance lessons or go out with you to have some fun in arcades, or those who at every dance contests shout: “That’s my boy!”, and don’t stop for a second to film you or take pictures.
My father listened to what you were saying with an ear, as if he was thinking about the invention of the century and if you asked him about what you just said, he’d just stare at you blankly and ask you what you had for dinner.
He was like a guest in his own house. One whom you expected, in any moment, would ask for check out. In fact, he did. One day, he packed his things and asked us to see him in his studio just to say goodbye. I will never forget his words. He knelt in front of me and said, as if that was the most normal thing to do: “Though I won’t be living in this house anymore and I’ll be the father of two other kids, I will always be your father, too.”
That too was what hurt me the most. Like when a kid was being asked to give his candy to other kids, too.
“Don’t be selfish, share your father to other kids, too!”
And that day, he became the father of the year, but not for us.
When the twins were born, he called us, crying, at the middle of the night, and mom became his best friend. Someone who’d be there when he called, any moment, to ask how to boil an egg or to ask for advices regarding shampoo. Even if mom was trying hard not to let me know, I could tell even from a far that she was still hurting.
While I continued to feel out of place.
So, with the same unpredictability which, that day when I woke up inside a body of a stranger, a day, six years ago, when my father went out of our life forever. And that was the very moment that I understood the meaning behind the chemistry’s ‘irreversible reactions’, like when you burn something or boil an egg.
And you realize that your life (for good and bad) will never be the same again and, for how you try hard to pretend that everything’s fine, inside, you know perfectly well that the best has passed. And you’ll spend most of time to make others believe that you’re fine, for them not to worry and think that they’re obliged to make you feel better then give you a hand.
Uselessly.
My life was a never ending cycle of long and boring Sunday mornings of rain, divided between school and trainings.
The only one that could make me smile was Youngbae, the best friend one would ever wish for. We’ve been together since we were kids and, though we were complete opposites, we liked to say that we were brothers, though we never had to. Youngbae was my cousin from mother’s side and since the day my dear father decided to give himself to another family, and my classmates began to call me names and look at me in not-so-nice ways, besides my mother, he was the only one who stayed.
When we were kids, every year, Youngbae used to write a letter to Santa Clause, asking him if his parents could adopt me, and his mom, with soothing voice, used to explain to him that my parents would be in so much pain, but when mom and dad decided to part ways, I began to write threatening letters to Santa Clause, every single year, until I gave up.
Youngbae, instead, never gave up and wrote a statement that me and him, even against everyone and everything, were (and will be forever) brothers and we signed it solemnly, during a full moon, with our own blood.
Nothing would ever separate us, we were invincible, unique, and most importantly, we still believed in Santa Clause.
That night we were still nine years old. Now, we were almost sixteen and still nothing scratched the bond we had, not even a very cute girl, nor the jealousy of our classmates and co-trainees.
Youngbae was my brother and I was his. And that was enough. Used to.
But now, when we slept together at my place or his, instead of playing airplanes and water guns, we were awake until dawn to imagine our first times.
Youngbae dreamt of making love with his ideal girl. He was incredibly romantic and he was right to wish for a perfect love.
I, instead, dreamt of my first time with him. And I knew, that was a sin. Not only because we were both guys but more because in me, run the blood of his auntie.
I loved Youngbae since I was seven and that wasn’t a lie. And if I had to choose between him and my dream, I swear I’d prefer to jump off a bridge. I was guilty for he used to believe that I was his brother and I let him be.
When my mother and I moved near their place, his family came to welcome us. He caught my attention for he was at my age and he had these eyes that became crescent moons whenever he laughed. He smiled at me and took my hand to play with him. From that moment, I knew, he was someone special for me, but not like mom or dad. I knew that whenever I saw him, my cheeks burn and I could feel strange things inside my stomach. And time just made it worse.
With the knowledge of love and its complications, to look at Youngbae became physically painful. If he had known that I was dreaming to be in his arms for years, he wouldn’t be contented. There were invisible lines between us that I wasn’t allowed to break and I made sure to stay behind my limitations just to not make troubles in our cousin-best friend-relationship.
He could never be mine. But I was sure that Youngbae was my living dream, so I kept on loving him in silence, from afar, free from jealousies and disappointments, forever.
As my feelings for him got stronger in each passing days, I became more and more distant to him and just as I expected, Youngbae came and talk the hell out of me.
“Did I do something wrong, Jiyongie? Why are you avoiding me?”
He was so considerate. How could I not love him?
“Nothing Youngbae-ah. I’m just having a hard time.” It wasn’t really a lie, was it? I was really having a hard time not to stare at him.
He stared at me for a minute then his eyes lit up. “Don’t tell me you’re in love?”
I paled. Fuck yeah. “No. Are you kidding me? Besides, with whom if ever?”. I said without looking at him.
“Look at me.” he said, nudging my arm.
“You’re not funny.” I said with much aggressiveness to be considered honest.
“Jiyongie, tell me. You’re my brother, there’s nothing about you that I still don’t know.”
Oh. How wrong he was.
But I knew, I didn’t have much choice. There was no fragments of my life that he didn’t know, other friends, other places, or other stories that he wasn’t a part of, beside that part where he was the only protagonist.
With his eyes looking straight into my soul, I sighed, defeated. I was trapped.
He brought his arm around my shoulder and nodded as a sign of encouragement. “Go on. Spit it out.”
I had to say something. Think Jiyong. Think. “You know that trainee noona?”
He frowned. “Jiyongie, but we don’t have any trainee noona in the company right now.”
“Just think again. We have two trainees. A dongsaeng and a noona.”
He seemed to be thinking for a while then his eyes opened wide and smiled. God. He was so cute. “Omo, she’s cute! Do you know her name? Her address? Does she have a boyfriend?”
“Youngbae-ah! She doesn’t even know I exist! She’s too good for me.” I faked a sigh.
“What?” He pointed his finger at me accusingly. “You’re talking about my cousin slash best friend and no one is better than you. Remember, there’s no girl that’s not reachable. We just have to make a plan for you on how to pursue that noona.” he brightly concluded.
It was the most stupid thing I ever heard. But if he concentrated about that noona, I could stay calm for a while and I would talk and talk about her thinking about Youngbae and deep down, I wouldn’t really lie.
Later that day, we were in his room to play video games when Youngbae’s mom came in, as always, smiling. “Guys, I’m done cooking. I called my unnie to tell her that you’d stay for dinner Jiyongie.”
Maybe I still had time to be adopted.
“Thanks aunt! I’m really hungry.” I said.
“Good, when Bomie arrives, you both come down, okay?”
Shit. I wasn’t hungry anymore. My rival was coming. When did she come back?
Bom noona. Youngbae’s long time crush. She had a beautiful voice. She was nice, cute and funny. She used to live next door but she moved to US two years ago to join her family. She used to take care of me and Youngbae when we were still kids. Our mothers adored her.
I glanced at Youngbae and saw him beaming. Fuck. I couldn’t stand it.
Ten minutes later, the doorbell rang and I heard her infectious and irresistible laugh. And I admit, if I wasn’t already head over heels in love with my cousin, and I was totally straight, I’d fall for her, too. But alas, that wasn’t really the case. God. Why me?
“Oh. She’s here!” Youngbae whispered almost too calmly, but one look at him, I could tell that he was really excited and nervous at the same time.
Arriving at the living room where she was sitting with Youngbae’s parents, She quickly stood up and ran to hug my best friend. Youngbae hugged her back tightly as if he didn’t want to let go.
I bit my lip harshly and turned my hands into fists to prevent myself from running to them and pull my cousin away from her. Youngbae, my best friend, my fucking cousin, the love of my fucking life, was standing there, a meter away from me, hugging the love of his life and I couldn’t do anything about it. I was burning of jealousy. If looks could kill, Bommie noona was surely dead by now. God. How I wanted to tear her apart. It hurt.
How could this be possible? Where was that reset button which I could take my empty and useless life back, but without the painful reality of an unrequited and impossible love?
Then she turned around to face me. “Hey, look who’s here! The music prodigy. Come here you! Give noona a hug.”
I sighed inwardly as I stepped forward to give her what she wanted. “Noona. Long time no see. Glad you’re back.” Lies.
She pulled back gently and rumpled my hair. I cursed inside. Never. Ever. Ruin. My. Hair. You. Bitch.
I looked back at Youngbae again and saw him still looking dreamily at her. Anger rose inside of me. I had to go.
“Auntie, I forgot, I need to bring Gaho at the park.” I quickly turned around and ran out, not waiting for their reply.
I didn’t have any choice.
I needed to stay away from him, away from that impossible love.
I needed to let it go.
--------
so, how was it?