holes to heaven
It is hard not to get attached to people that make you smile. At least that is the case with me. If you can make me smile and make me laugh when I see you, you are in my books as a good person forever.
I've done a lot of thinking recently about friendship and keeping people close to you. I don't think we do enough cherishing of moments or living for the day that is upon us. We just don't. We tend to take for granted our friends will always be with us in good times and bad. We pass on great opportunities because they just dont seem right for us. Many of us, once we have a set number of friends, don't welcome "strangers" into our groups because we are content with what we have. I don't like that. I never have and I never will. I value all the relationships I have with people and I take away a lot of things from each relationship. I guess sometimes it just comes too late.
Something happened the other day to someone I really really liked. This girl was absolutely genuine. She was loved by everyone around her, she brought a calm air to weird situations, and she was funny. VERY funny. Although we never became best friends, I considered "JT" part of my family--in fact, I considered JT and the rest of her group of friends part of my extended family. Sounds weird, right? JT was one of myresidents this last year at UMass when I was the RA of the all womens floor. I was all psyched for my last year and when I realized how absolutely great my floor was I was even more excited. JT and her friends made my last year at UMass something wonderful and I hope I was able to provide my floor, but especially these girls who were freshmen, with a great start to their time at UMass.
Unfortunatly, due to some horrible circumstances, JT was taken away from everyone a lot sooner than she should have. When I found out about what happened to JT (and even now as I am trying to type some semblence of sense) I couldn't stop crying. How could I have been this affected by her? I didn't hang out with my residents on Friday and Saturday nights (c'mon who wants to drink with their RA?...I am sure they woulda had I mentioned it). But I guess it occured to me that although I was the "authority role" on the floor, I actually was more like a big sister to them--and I was told so toward the end of the year by at least two of them. Although I was there on the floor, I was 3ish years older than them and in the midst of finishing UMass while they just started, I was interconnected with their lives. I sure as hell knew not to disturb them during General Hospital, I gave them the normal adult warning before they went out to Club Rain (watch your drinks!), we bonded over ANTM and they somehow got me to start watching One Tree Hill. Those girls were my life my last year at school and although I had my own friends to go drinking with and out to the mall with, my Grayson 3 girls were home.
I think what has struck me the most is the fact that I had daily contact with each and every one of them, even if it was just a "Hi!" in the hall or the awkward conversations in the bathroom when you were either brushing your teeth, complete with toothpaste coming out of your mouth, or peeing 5 feet away from one another. Sometimes it was more and they were asking my advice, showing me clothes from the mall, talking about who the cute boys were who came onto our hall, etc. At the time every one of those instances happened I don't think anyone would have thought they'd be looking back at it. But now I am. I think about all the times JT came by or just plain old stopped by just to say hi. She, in fact, was the only one who pretty much EVERY TIME she walked by my room would say hi. JT wasn't my best friend by any means--she left a ton of those girls (and guys) behind but I am glad I was able to get to know her. She affected my life for the better because truly she looked as if she lived her life the way she wanted to. She had a TON of friends, a great personality, a funny laugh, she shared some of the funniest stories with me, and she was just an all around great person.
To my girls who may be reading this: If I feel this way...I can't even imagine what you are all going through. I miss you all very much and I hope you are all hanging in there. JT was an incredible person but so are all of you. I am glad you all were on my floor and became a tight-knit group. I'm glad you had to put up with me for a year. :) I am certainly glad I had all of you and each of you brought something to me that I will forever take with me. I hope you all know if you ever needed anything, you could just ask because I will help you in a heart beat 'cause...quite frankly, I love you all.
Jordyn-you have already earned your wings as an angel. Rest in peace, sweetie.
"and there were so many fewer questions when stars were still just the holes to heaven"
I've done a lot of thinking recently about friendship and keeping people close to you. I don't think we do enough cherishing of moments or living for the day that is upon us. We just don't. We tend to take for granted our friends will always be with us in good times and bad. We pass on great opportunities because they just dont seem right for us. Many of us, once we have a set number of friends, don't welcome "strangers" into our groups because we are content with what we have. I don't like that. I never have and I never will. I value all the relationships I have with people and I take away a lot of things from each relationship. I guess sometimes it just comes too late.
Something happened the other day to someone I really really liked. This girl was absolutely genuine. She was loved by everyone around her, she brought a calm air to weird situations, and she was funny. VERY funny. Although we never became best friends, I considered "JT" part of my family--in fact, I considered JT and the rest of her group of friends part of my extended family. Sounds weird, right? JT was one of myresidents this last year at UMass when I was the RA of the all womens floor. I was all psyched for my last year and when I realized how absolutely great my floor was I was even more excited. JT and her friends made my last year at UMass something wonderful and I hope I was able to provide my floor, but especially these girls who were freshmen, with a great start to their time at UMass.
Unfortunatly, due to some horrible circumstances, JT was taken away from everyone a lot sooner than she should have. When I found out about what happened to JT (and even now as I am trying to type some semblence of sense) I couldn't stop crying. How could I have been this affected by her? I didn't hang out with my residents on Friday and Saturday nights (c'mon who wants to drink with their RA?...I am sure they woulda had I mentioned it). But I guess it occured to me that although I was the "authority role" on the floor, I actually was more like a big sister to them--and I was told so toward the end of the year by at least two of them. Although I was there on the floor, I was 3ish years older than them and in the midst of finishing UMass while they just started, I was interconnected with their lives. I sure as hell knew not to disturb them during General Hospital, I gave them the normal adult warning before they went out to Club Rain (watch your drinks!), we bonded over ANTM and they somehow got me to start watching One Tree Hill. Those girls were my life my last year at school and although I had my own friends to go drinking with and out to the mall with, my Grayson 3 girls were home.
I think what has struck me the most is the fact that I had daily contact with each and every one of them, even if it was just a "Hi!" in the hall or the awkward conversations in the bathroom when you were either brushing your teeth, complete with toothpaste coming out of your mouth, or peeing 5 feet away from one another. Sometimes it was more and they were asking my advice, showing me clothes from the mall, talking about who the cute boys were who came onto our hall, etc. At the time every one of those instances happened I don't think anyone would have thought they'd be looking back at it. But now I am. I think about all the times JT came by or just plain old stopped by just to say hi. She, in fact, was the only one who pretty much EVERY TIME she walked by my room would say hi. JT wasn't my best friend by any means--she left a ton of those girls (and guys) behind but I am glad I was able to get to know her. She affected my life for the better because truly she looked as if she lived her life the way she wanted to. She had a TON of friends, a great personality, a funny laugh, she shared some of the funniest stories with me, and she was just an all around great person.
To my girls who may be reading this: If I feel this way...I can't even imagine what you are all going through. I miss you all very much and I hope you are all hanging in there. JT was an incredible person but so are all of you. I am glad you all were on my floor and became a tight-knit group. I'm glad you had to put up with me for a year. :) I am certainly glad I had all of you and each of you brought something to me that I will forever take with me. I hope you all know if you ever needed anything, you could just ask because I will help you in a heart beat 'cause...quite frankly, I love you all.
Jordyn-you have already earned your wings as an angel. Rest in peace, sweetie.
"and there were so many fewer questions when stars were still just the holes to heaven"