(no subject)
Last night was the closest i've come to breaking down in a long time. I talked to dad and i won't even go into everything he said, but it did kill me. It killed me so much that i came upstairs and packed a bag and decided to sleep in the yard, grabbing the sleeping bag and pad. I stumbled down the back stairs and passed the room he was in, with his guitar out, and opened the back door. The patio was gray from the water; it was soaked. He came out into the kitchen where i was, and pulled the dog bed (God knows how dirty that is) closer to me. I sat next to the doorframe, the cold air coming in with the smell of rain, and started to cry again. It was just the most heartbreaking conversation in the world. My dog, Pogo, followed me around for the rest of the night because he's smarter than we give him credit for and i'm sure he knew something was wrong, and i slept on the gameroom couch, under the comforter we keep down there. I didn't care about school, i wanted to crawl up and sleep for a long long time. I've never been this way; so depressed for another person almost that i don't care about anything else. I didn't set my alarm; the dogs woke me up much later than i normally would get up. i wanted so badly to talk to somebody at school and cry and explain everything, and i was going to talk to Dana but thought about it later and decided not to. I'm going to the wedding in two days, i can wait til then, the dance is tomorrow, i'll be in good hands with good people. i just wish i coud cry to somebody and not worry about what they're thinking or how i look. someone's said to me when i was crying "wow your eyes were just SO RED" and that's all they said. it'll work out.