To My Lovely Chelsi
Chelsi said she was tired of reading the same peoples postings on here since everyone has abandoned LJ so I told her I would write so here it goes...
It is graduation season again.. I went to Chelsis on saturday and tonight I went to Joshes. I am excited for both of them and also very proud but tonight hit me hard. I realized I graduated highschool EXACTLY 1 year ago today... That thought just baffles me. The year has flown by so quickly it practically made my head spin. I used to be the girl who knew what she wanted. I had everything in line for me. I knew what my major would be, I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I knew that I wanted to go to ASU.. basically I thought I knew everything...Well Im going to admit it, I was wrong. I have accomplished absolutely nothing this past year. I barely made it through my first year of school, I hated living in my dorm and I left ASU this year with no more friends than I had going. I could sit here and say that I tried my best and this is what came from it and maybe I just wasnt cut out for college and blah blah blah... but I would just be lying to myself. I am disappointed in myself because I know I didnt try my hardest. I would start out a class great and then just get lazy towards the end. What the fuck is wrong with me?? When Im hanging out with Chelsi and her friends I think, well maybe I was meant to be a year yonger or maybe I just sabotaged myself cause all of my friends are a year younger. Either way I did something really stupid. I fucked up... Royally... and now I have to fix it. Its times like these that I think back on all the things my parents have said to me and I hate myself for making them right. All I can do now is hope for the best and try my hardest next year in school. Hopefully I will make it out alive but we shall see.
This whole year Chelsi and I have been planning what we are going to do next year once she joins me at ASU and the plan was that we would live together. There really are very few girls who I can life with and stand. I thought I was more open minded about living with people but the dorm proved me wrong. Well anyways a few months later trevor, chelsis brother, was thrown into our mix. So now the plan is for me, Chelsi and Trevor to get a condo/place to live, together. The only problem is , Trevor doesnt seem to like the place my mom has found. This is starting to freak me out because now Chelsi and Trevor are a package deal and I dont want to lose the opportunity to live with her. I love trevor to death but part of me wants to tell him to get over it, the place has everything he wants in a condo,he can afford the place and it will be brand new for god sakes! The only downfall is it will cost a lil more than the last place he lived and he will have 2 more roommates. I for one think it would be awesome to live with Chelsi and Trevor but lately it has not been looking good for that. I hope everything will work itself out soon cause I am really stressed out about this.
Ok so in other news, I got a call from Jarratt the other day. I hate getting a call from a number I dont know, answering it and hearing his voice on the other end. It gives me the chills. I swear he was drunk cause why else would he call me, right? Talking to him made me realize that I will always love the kid no matter what, but maybe love just isnt enough. I always thought it was. I guess deep down I was a sucker for Love thinking that Love would overcome it all and eventually it would bring people back together... but now I am realizing that Love isnt enough. I used to believe in the whole, if you set them free and they come back, then they are yours forever bullshit. Well I set Jarratt free and he didnt come back, he went to susan, so I guess it wasnt meant to be. Realizing that love isnt all its cracked up to be, made my stomach turn. I think there comes a time in every girls life when she understands why women will marry for money because it is safe and not for love because it makes you happy. My understanding of this came on saturday night as I stood out in the wilderness(I was camping), in the dark, on my cell phone, talking to Jarratt. Is it bad that I immediately wanted to start drinking to get my mind off the conversation I had just been a part of but couldnt because my stomach already hurt so bad? I hope I didnt hurt anyones feelings by this last paragraph, I am just trying to be honest. Also, I want to add that I am very proud of Jarratt. Next week he is graduating from his AIT training with the army. I never thought that day would come but it has. Congrats to you.
Last but definitely not least... Kevin just got an apartment on his own! He moved out yesterday and I couldnt be more excited for him :) I am certainly loving the fact that I will no longer have to see his parents again if I dont want to hehe I also like that he is becoming more independent. He is taking on new things and straightening out his life. It is good for him and I couldnt be more proud. I guess 22 is the age to start getting serious about your life or something. Hopefully for Kevin everything will go smoothly for him. He is doing well at work, he just got a promotion. It may not seem like a big deal to some people but I think its a big deal for him and for me. He got promoted in a job that basically has no promotions. Good Job Baby! Also I hope that he will be able to do the culinary school thing sometime soon. I know he has great talent and I think that would be the job of his dreams. Keep helping yourself Kev, I know everyone will be supportive on your way.
On that note I am tired and I have to help kevin with moving in tomorrow so i am going to go. I hope you all enjoyed my update, If there still is anyone out there who reads LJ besides Chelsi hehe
Rachel
It is graduation season again.. I went to Chelsis on saturday and tonight I went to Joshes. I am excited for both of them and also very proud but tonight hit me hard. I realized I graduated highschool EXACTLY 1 year ago today... That thought just baffles me. The year has flown by so quickly it practically made my head spin. I used to be the girl who knew what she wanted. I had everything in line for me. I knew what my major would be, I knew what I wanted to do with my life and I knew that I wanted to go to ASU.. basically I thought I knew everything...Well Im going to admit it, I was wrong. I have accomplished absolutely nothing this past year. I barely made it through my first year of school, I hated living in my dorm and I left ASU this year with no more friends than I had going. I could sit here and say that I tried my best and this is what came from it and maybe I just wasnt cut out for college and blah blah blah... but I would just be lying to myself. I am disappointed in myself because I know I didnt try my hardest. I would start out a class great and then just get lazy towards the end. What the fuck is wrong with me?? When Im hanging out with Chelsi and her friends I think, well maybe I was meant to be a year yonger or maybe I just sabotaged myself cause all of my friends are a year younger. Either way I did something really stupid. I fucked up... Royally... and now I have to fix it. Its times like these that I think back on all the things my parents have said to me and I hate myself for making them right. All I can do now is hope for the best and try my hardest next year in school. Hopefully I will make it out alive but we shall see.
This whole year Chelsi and I have been planning what we are going to do next year once she joins me at ASU and the plan was that we would live together. There really are very few girls who I can life with and stand. I thought I was more open minded about living with people but the dorm proved me wrong. Well anyways a few months later trevor, chelsis brother, was thrown into our mix. So now the plan is for me, Chelsi and Trevor to get a condo/place to live, together. The only problem is , Trevor doesnt seem to like the place my mom has found. This is starting to freak me out because now Chelsi and Trevor are a package deal and I dont want to lose the opportunity to live with her. I love trevor to death but part of me wants to tell him to get over it, the place has everything he wants in a condo,he can afford the place and it will be brand new for god sakes! The only downfall is it will cost a lil more than the last place he lived and he will have 2 more roommates. I for one think it would be awesome to live with Chelsi and Trevor but lately it has not been looking good for that. I hope everything will work itself out soon cause I am really stressed out about this.
Ok so in other news, I got a call from Jarratt the other day. I hate getting a call from a number I dont know, answering it and hearing his voice on the other end. It gives me the chills. I swear he was drunk cause why else would he call me, right? Talking to him made me realize that I will always love the kid no matter what, but maybe love just isnt enough. I always thought it was. I guess deep down I was a sucker for Love thinking that Love would overcome it all and eventually it would bring people back together... but now I am realizing that Love isnt enough. I used to believe in the whole, if you set them free and they come back, then they are yours forever bullshit. Well I set Jarratt free and he didnt come back, he went to susan, so I guess it wasnt meant to be. Realizing that love isnt all its cracked up to be, made my stomach turn. I think there comes a time in every girls life when she understands why women will marry for money because it is safe and not for love because it makes you happy. My understanding of this came on saturday night as I stood out in the wilderness(I was camping), in the dark, on my cell phone, talking to Jarratt. Is it bad that I immediately wanted to start drinking to get my mind off the conversation I had just been a part of but couldnt because my stomach already hurt so bad? I hope I didnt hurt anyones feelings by this last paragraph, I am just trying to be honest. Also, I want to add that I am very proud of Jarratt. Next week he is graduating from his AIT training with the army. I never thought that day would come but it has. Congrats to you.
Last but definitely not least... Kevin just got an apartment on his own! He moved out yesterday and I couldnt be more excited for him :) I am certainly loving the fact that I will no longer have to see his parents again if I dont want to hehe I also like that he is becoming more independent. He is taking on new things and straightening out his life. It is good for him and I couldnt be more proud. I guess 22 is the age to start getting serious about your life or something. Hopefully for Kevin everything will go smoothly for him. He is doing well at work, he just got a promotion. It may not seem like a big deal to some people but I think its a big deal for him and for me. He got promoted in a job that basically has no promotions. Good Job Baby! Also I hope that he will be able to do the culinary school thing sometime soon. I know he has great talent and I think that would be the job of his dreams. Keep helping yourself Kev, I know everyone will be supportive on your way.
On that note I am tired and I have to help kevin with moving in tomorrow so i am going to go. I hope you all enjoyed my update, If there still is anyone out there who reads LJ besides Chelsi hehe
Rachel