(no subject)
What's in a gender? gender is only catigorizing the person as he or she. But what's is it really about. Why is it so hard to just be unidenitified. Why do so many people not understand? I'm doing what I feel is comfortable. Why do so many others not see that I am happy? Like for instance my first love thinks it's nasty that I stopped shaving my legs and that I have a little underarm hair and of course she hates that I have a PPP. I like how I am I just wish people would be more supportive and not making fun of me. Like this girl, who is a dyke and has short short hair, is a birl, she makes fun of me having a PPP always ball tapping me and making obnoxious jestures. All I want is to be accepted by my friends and family. My family isn't that bad about it but my older sister Jen always taps me in the balls and they all joke around about my armpits and legs. But they also support me enough to tell me they love me no matter what. I'm reading http://eserver.org/feminism/sexual-gender-identity.txt and I'm trying to understand. I know I'm young and I have time but today at lunch my friends said something to me. They go "your bisexual because you said a boy is cute and that if you were straight you'd fuck him." Is that true? Am I bisexual? I don't believe in bisexual because you're either born gay or straight. The person may think they like both but in the end they figure out which one they're attracted to more. Like I say guys/gay guys are cute but that doesn't mean I'd date him or anything. I'm not sure what I'm trying to name myself as either. Because I'm not just a lesbian because not alot of lesbians have a PPP or are thinking about T and having a deep voice and facial hair. Do they? Maybe I'm just so nieve that I don't know anything. If anyone knows alot about gender identity and wants to talk to me I'd really like that because I am more than lost. Like I love being called a boy but then I'm alright with being a girl too. Like it's weird I guess. I'm not sure if that's normal or not. I wish I could talk to someone about this. I try to talk to the one person that I'm so close to...my first love but she told me today "There are some things I like and somethings I don't. Your not you anymore your Trey. You're not always the girl I fell in love with." :( I don't know what to do. Will she ever be able to really be with me? I guess not unless I'm a girl. But then she says "Sometimes I think I can be with you and then sometimes I really don't know." She's not very supportive to me. She thinks it's gross. I'm going to go think and maybe the answer will come to me. My aunt Lisha is coming today with her Girlfriend, Kathy maybe I'll be able to talk to them about it. I'm reading Stone Butch Blues. I cried when Jess got raped. :-( It was like I knew what she felt. I'm inspired by her because she went through so much and look at her/him now. Oh speaking of that. I want people to say what they see in me. Like if they see a girl then call me she but if they see a guy then please call me he. Both goes with me. I'll write more later.
- Trey