always. all ways.
i miss my graduated friends, and i miss my friends who are in london...but mostly, i am very happy for them. and a little bit jealous. oh my gosh...i had my fulbright language evaluation yesterday. and it was AWESOME. no joke. apparently somewhere in the last eight years, i learned french? good to know. :) but some part of me responded so strongly to that. it happens sometimes in my acting work too, which is why i know i love it. but this joy just lived in me so strongly -- i can't imagine my life without this language. it really motivated me to get the rest of my fulbright shit in gear this weekend so that i can breathe a huge sigh of relief and know that i'm doing the very best i can.
i need to start reading belgian news.
(yeah, i'll be reading that in english.)
some days you make the BEST peanut butter and pomegranate jelly bagel sandwich. luckily, today was one of those days for me.
i'm so excited to work on my hermione speech. and i taught my first spinning class this morning. it was definitely not perfect, but it went alright, and i'm really happy to be teaching. :) i think i'm going to get certified in zumba as well. and the spinning/abs class. i love certifications. oh, next year, i want to go to that convention in miami. i hope i get to.
haha, i'm a total nerd.
obviously, there's still this part of me that's really sad about joe. i see how it didn't work. i get what a bad idea it was, but i see his face every day, and there's a part of me that is used to him in my bed every night, and it's sort of like mourning a death. i don't notice that i'm doing it, but i know that pieces of me are recovering slowly. in a strange way, i am grateful for the pain he brings to my life. (clearly i am happy for the PLEASURE and HAPPINESS he brings and brought as well.) but we do these exercises in class, and within minutes i'm in tears. or at yerma callbacks, i could cry and cry and cry. it isn't just the crying -- i rarely (though not never) sit in my apartment and cry alone, but the emotional availability and the raw quality it brings to my work. i used to think i just chose guys who had to live in chaos, but i realize that it isn't just them. it's me too. as long as i'm an actor, i need that sort of passion, that hurricane of emotions. i don't know. maybe when i graduate, my life will become horribly unstable, and i'll need an anchor.
...but for now?
i like to question whether or not i can keep afloat.
:) i didn't say it wasn't fucked up...it's just honest.
basically, it's a really good time to be me.
i need to start reading belgian news.
(yeah, i'll be reading that in english.)
some days you make the BEST peanut butter and pomegranate jelly bagel sandwich. luckily, today was one of those days for me.
i'm so excited to work on my hermione speech. and i taught my first spinning class this morning. it was definitely not perfect, but it went alright, and i'm really happy to be teaching. :) i think i'm going to get certified in zumba as well. and the spinning/abs class. i love certifications. oh, next year, i want to go to that convention in miami. i hope i get to.
haha, i'm a total nerd.
obviously, there's still this part of me that's really sad about joe. i see how it didn't work. i get what a bad idea it was, but i see his face every day, and there's a part of me that is used to him in my bed every night, and it's sort of like mourning a death. i don't notice that i'm doing it, but i know that pieces of me are recovering slowly. in a strange way, i am grateful for the pain he brings to my life. (clearly i am happy for the PLEASURE and HAPPINESS he brings and brought as well.) but we do these exercises in class, and within minutes i'm in tears. or at yerma callbacks, i could cry and cry and cry. it isn't just the crying -- i rarely (though not never) sit in my apartment and cry alone, but the emotional availability and the raw quality it brings to my work. i used to think i just chose guys who had to live in chaos, but i realize that it isn't just them. it's me too. as long as i'm an actor, i need that sort of passion, that hurricane of emotions. i don't know. maybe when i graduate, my life will become horribly unstable, and i'll need an anchor.
...but for now?
i like to question whether or not i can keep afloat.
:) i didn't say it wasn't fucked up...it's just honest.
basically, it's a really good time to be me.