scrapbooking therapy hurts sometimes
I just feel kind of....blah, today.
Jack and Charlotte helped me make cookies and a berry no-bake cheesecake today, and then I spent a good chunk of time working on some journal stuff for Charlotte's baby scrapbook. In the other girls' baby scrapbooks, I briefly tell them how I found out I was pregnant, how I told their Dad, how my pregnancy went, etc. In Charlotte's book, I feel there is more to tell, more to share about how Abby's life and death is so connected to Charlotte's life. I want to make it very clear to her that she was not and is not a replacement or any kind of consolation prize. I want her to truly know how much she was wanted, how I grieved for Abby while joyfully anticipating Charlotte's birth, and how intensely bittersweet all of this was (and continues to be).
So, I went back through my journal entries, most of them tagged "abby's gift", and I did a lot of cutting and pasting to create a document I can scrapbook for Charlotte. It's brought back a lot of the pain, fear, and anticipation of that year after Abby's death. I kept getting interrupted today as I worked and all I wanted was to be left alone, which is often how I feel when I'm in my "Abby space". I realize that this task today was also a method of escape for me, when I'm avoiding other issues that are causing me stress or anxiety. Escaping to scrapbooking tasks is much healthier than escaping to a king-sized chocolate bar though, right?
I'll pick away at editing and layout for this story and then I'm going to bed early. This day is d.o.n.e.