a week of memories
Abby was born on June 9th, died on June 10th, had her autopsy on June 12th, and came home to us on June 13th.
I was away from home yesterday but all day I would have moments of remembrance, knowing that it was two years ago yesterday that Abby came home. My house has so many wonderful memories, and even the sad memories are treasured. Often when I walk into my room, sit in the recliner, or kneel at the foot of my bed, I am reminded of my pregnancy with Abby, her birth, and her death. Since I wasn't home for most of yesterday, I wasn't physically reminded of the day that Abby came home. Sitting on the couch, tired and heartbroken, waiting for my cousin (a funeral director) to pull up in front of my house and bring Abby home. I was so scared to see her, not sure of what she would look like after her autopsy. I had never touched a dead body before, and now I would have to hold my own lifeless baby in my arms. I also knew that as soon as I held her, I would have to accept that she was really dead, she wasn't just in the city in the NICU or something, she was gone.
Our last night with Abby was probably one of the saddest days of my life. I honestly didn't know how I would get through the next day; handing her over to my cousin to be buried, walking into the church for her funeral, standing beside her tiny casket at the cemetery....It was the last day that I would hold my baby on this earth. I didn't want morning to come.
The day of her funeral, which is two years ago tomorrow, I felt like I was in a horrible dream. Only the grace and peace of God got me through that day.
Even though I lived it, and *am* living it, it's hard for me to believe that it wasn't all just a bad dream. It really happened, and it happened to *me*. This week will always whisper memories of Abby's death, her homecoming, and her funeral....and I welcome those memories of my sweet Abby girl.