(no subject)
I journal for many reasons; to share pictures of my kids, for grief therapy, to document my midwifery journey, and to seek empathy and support - to know that I am not alone.
I have been under a lot of stress and pressure lately, and I know that I don't handle it well. I would really like to be one of those people who exhibit grace under pressure, who rarely get exasperated with their children, and who crave exercise rather than chocolate on bad days. I'd like to be one of those people, but I'm not. Deal with it.
Most of my entries these days are "Friends Only" because I just don't feel comfortable letting it all show to the world. Drowning in grief was one thing, being in a constant state of stress and overwhelm is another. I feel as though I am constantly searching for some way to make things easier, to take some of the pressure off, or to find more time. I have not been successful so instead, there is a lot of panic, bitching, moaning, and venting in my LJ entries.
As my life has slipped into this.......state, I feel like I am walking alone more often than not. This is ok, it's my journey and I am the one who must find solutions to my problems. For this reason, I'll be writing privately a lot more often, to spare the world of my rants, and to allow myself the freedom to write honestly and openly for myself. I have reached out to friends and family who are not able or not willing to help me, listen to me, or even return my calls. The world doesn't revolve around me, I absolutely know this; I don't expect people to drop everything and run to my rescue.
I am strong, even in my weakness, and I will carry on to create the future I want, or to make peace with the life that I have. Barfing kids, empty bank accounts, exploding ketchup bottles, endless to-do lists, and limited clinical opportunities won't kill me. It's all just more "character building", right?
I have been under a lot of stress and pressure lately, and I know that I don't handle it well. I would really like to be one of those people who exhibit grace under pressure, who rarely get exasperated with their children, and who crave exercise rather than chocolate on bad days. I'd like to be one of those people, but I'm not. Deal with it.
Most of my entries these days are "Friends Only" because I just don't feel comfortable letting it all show to the world. Drowning in grief was one thing, being in a constant state of stress and overwhelm is another. I feel as though I am constantly searching for some way to make things easier, to take some of the pressure off, or to find more time. I have not been successful so instead, there is a lot of panic, bitching, moaning, and venting in my LJ entries.
As my life has slipped into this.......state, I feel like I am walking alone more often than not. This is ok, it's my journey and I am the one who must find solutions to my problems. For this reason, I'll be writing privately a lot more often, to spare the world of my rants, and to allow myself the freedom to write honestly and openly for myself. I have reached out to friends and family who are not able or not willing to help me, listen to me, or even return my calls. The world doesn't revolve around me, I absolutely know this; I don't expect people to drop everything and run to my rescue.
I am strong, even in my weakness, and I will carry on to create the future I want, or to make peace with the life that I have. Barfing kids, empty bank accounts, exploding ketchup bottles, endless to-do lists, and limited clinical opportunities won't kill me. It's all just more "character building", right?