I can't keep up (not even with my scrambled thoughts)
I feel like I'm on a treadmill that is moving too fast for me. As I huff and puff to keep up the pace and not fall off, everything in my life is a blur around me. My girls are changing and growing at an alarming rate and even though I'm with them all the time, I feel like I'm missing precious moments. I wish I had been cloned at the moment of Kim's birth; a second ME would have come in quite handy. Housework never takes a priority over time with my girls, no worries there. I've left sticky floors and dirty dishes to walk with Kim to the library and treat Julia to an ice cream.
There just never seems to be enough time in the day to do the things I want to do and yet I am burning up precious minutes here as Charlotte sleeps. I could be folding laundry, sweeping the kitchen floor, paying bills, putting away clean dishes, starting supper, reading a few pages of my school work, all of which really need to be done TODAY. I know it's impossible for me to get it all done and it's unrealistic to expect that I will, but I still feel resentful of how fast this treadmill is moving.
I often find myself wondering which fire I should put out first? When the baby is crying to be fed or put to sleep, Julia is bouncing up and down asking for a snack, supper is half-cooked, homework is still spread across the kitchen table, I am itching to go for a walk, and the laundry basket is overflowing with dirty towels. I am naturally a bossy bitch (ask anyone) so delegating is easy for me but that doesn't guarantee the task will get done. I wish the world could just slow down for a while and let me catch up.
This constant feeling of falling behind, of never getting enough done, of never *being* enough - well, it sucks. I need to remind myself to stay in the moment and not be thinking of 'what else' so much. So, I'll defrost some chicken for supper, arrange piles of clean folded laundry on the couch to be claimed by it's owners, pay the bills while I eat some reheated leftovers for a late lunch, and hope that Charlotte sleeps just a little longer. If not, the laundry will wait, the chicken will thaw on it's own, and I will savour every one of Charlotte's dimply "good morning mommy" smiles.
There just never seems to be enough time in the day to do the things I want to do and yet I am burning up precious minutes here as Charlotte sleeps. I could be folding laundry, sweeping the kitchen floor, paying bills, putting away clean dishes, starting supper, reading a few pages of my school work, all of which really need to be done TODAY. I know it's impossible for me to get it all done and it's unrealistic to expect that I will, but I still feel resentful of how fast this treadmill is moving.
I often find myself wondering which fire I should put out first? When the baby is crying to be fed or put to sleep, Julia is bouncing up and down asking for a snack, supper is half-cooked, homework is still spread across the kitchen table, I am itching to go for a walk, and the laundry basket is overflowing with dirty towels. I am naturally a bossy bitch (ask anyone) so delegating is easy for me but that doesn't guarantee the task will get done. I wish the world could just slow down for a while and let me catch up.
This constant feeling of falling behind, of never getting enough done, of never *being* enough - well, it sucks. I need to remind myself to stay in the moment and not be thinking of 'what else' so much. So, I'll defrost some chicken for supper, arrange piles of clean folded laundry on the couch to be claimed by it's owners, pay the bills while I eat some reheated leftovers for a late lunch, and hope that Charlotte sleeps just a little longer. If not, the laundry will wait, the chicken will thaw on it's own, and I will savour every one of Charlotte's dimply "good morning mommy" smiles.