Don't You Think It's Bout Time?
Ugh. I really think I'm getting depressed. This term...this year has taken a huge toll on me. It's making me think things I don't want to think and do things that I really don't (and shouldn't) want to do. I'm sitting here, doing my screenwriting homework, scared to death that no one loves me. And I'm well aware of the fact that people do. I've told a lot of lies to hide how I really feel and I can count on one finger the people who know where I stand.
I'm just not having as much fun as I used to. I work hard and I try to do my homework, but I don't feel like I've accomplished much. I'm scared to death that my college career will be over come winter break. And what's even worse is that I know this is a really bad time to complain about everything especially when everyone has final tests and projects to worry about, as do I, but I haven't really vented a lot this term and I felt like it was time since I've had this bad feeling in my chest.
My mom is just a mess with certain things. She never agreed with me moving out even though she was kind of the one who suggested it. Maybe it was out of sheer emotion, but in my heart I felt that she meant it. Now in almost everything she gives me the cold shoulder; she wouldn't even give me money for laundry when I was flat broke. The only time she would give me money was for tokens. I was tempted to use the money she gave me for laundry, but I needed to travel more. Plus jeans have a three-day shelf life, as I recall.
I look back a year ago and wonder where the hell that happy kid went. I've never felt so low in my life...it's even inhibiting the one thing I love doing more than anything else in the world. I don't want to turn into some unhappy, cynical bitch who criticizes everyone else who has found the key to happiness. The problem is, I've found it. I've just been crashing into locked doors, one by one.
The sad thing is, a part of me knows I can get through this. I can't say I've been through worse, because apparently I wasn't so conflicted that I never wanted to get up in the morning. I just want a day where all the negative feelings I have for the world would disperse and leave room for the hope that I know I have somewhere in me. Maybe I'm not praying hard enough.
Before I get back to writing, I must say that even though I wasn't much of a party person last Friday, just seeing Jimmy the Moon, Jimmy the Jew, and Tony the Ton again did make my holiday. You guys are always fun to be around. :-)
And last but not least, para Jimmy the Wheel, I hope and pray I can get through this, and thanks for believing that I can. Even though you're busy as fuck, I love ya anyway.
Thanks for letting me vent. I'll see you kids in the movies.
Cheers,
Briggs
I'm just not having as much fun as I used to. I work hard and I try to do my homework, but I don't feel like I've accomplished much. I'm scared to death that my college career will be over come winter break. And what's even worse is that I know this is a really bad time to complain about everything especially when everyone has final tests and projects to worry about, as do I, but I haven't really vented a lot this term and I felt like it was time since I've had this bad feeling in my chest.
My mom is just a mess with certain things. She never agreed with me moving out even though she was kind of the one who suggested it. Maybe it was out of sheer emotion, but in my heart I felt that she meant it. Now in almost everything she gives me the cold shoulder; she wouldn't even give me money for laundry when I was flat broke. The only time she would give me money was for tokens. I was tempted to use the money she gave me for laundry, but I needed to travel more. Plus jeans have a three-day shelf life, as I recall.
I look back a year ago and wonder where the hell that happy kid went. I've never felt so low in my life...it's even inhibiting the one thing I love doing more than anything else in the world. I don't want to turn into some unhappy, cynical bitch who criticizes everyone else who has found the key to happiness. The problem is, I've found it. I've just been crashing into locked doors, one by one.
The sad thing is, a part of me knows I can get through this. I can't say I've been through worse, because apparently I wasn't so conflicted that I never wanted to get up in the morning. I just want a day where all the negative feelings I have for the world would disperse and leave room for the hope that I know I have somewhere in me. Maybe I'm not praying hard enough.
Before I get back to writing, I must say that even though I wasn't much of a party person last Friday, just seeing Jimmy the Moon, Jimmy the Jew, and Tony the Ton again did make my holiday. You guys are always fun to be around. :-)
And last but not least, para Jimmy the Wheel, I hope and pray I can get through this, and thanks for believing that I can. Even though you're busy as fuck, I love ya anyway.
Thanks for letting me vent. I'll see you kids in the movies.
Cheers,
Briggs