Journeys in life
I never thought I'd be so glad to have my memories stored, whether in the form of entries here in my journal (which I've had since the start of high school.. WOW) or in photo albums on Facebook. Honestly, I hope FB never dies, simply because there are so many things on there that hold some sort of meaning or sentimental value for me. Yeah, I probably won't notice it much after a while if it does go away, but to think of losing the record of all those memories that can't be recalled with such clarity... I don't even want to think about it.
For one reason or another, Frost's poem, The Road Not Taken (probably taught in every high school English class you can imagine), has become particularly appealing to me. It's always meant something to me, but now that I'm faced with some of the most important decisions of my life, it's starting to be something that I can't get out of my head. I've always made decisions with the idea that I can always fall back and try out the other route if things don't turn out the way I want them to, but the reality is (and I've learned this first-hand, I HAD to ...) ... you can NEVER truly fall back and try the other route. Whatever happens with the choice you make will always stay with you. And, for better or for worse, you grow from it. Then you make more choices down the road that you can never turn back from.
I may not have taken the ideal straight-shot path towards my future, but I know that I wouldn't be the person I am if I hadn't made the choices - both smart and stupid ones - that I've made. I wouldn't have the memories I have, the ones that shape the way I think today. I'm grateful even for the problems I've had in the last two years, because it's taught me a lot about how valuable time is, in a weird and twisted way.
I've been so afraid to make one of the hardest decisions of my life, so perpetually influenced by what the people around me want me to do or think I should do, that I'd essentially withdrawn and basically given up on working towards anything. What's the point of trying when you don't know what you're working for? When you don't know if what you want is really what you want, something you'll be happy with, or if it's just what you think you want because those around you have talked about it so much? I know that I'm told alternatives and this or that because they want me to know that they don't expect me to plunge down this one specific path... but despite their good intentions, it only threw me into more of a slump. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do, because now all these other options were thrown at me, and I was being told that I probably shouldn't become a doctor, that they don't want me to be one because it's so much work both through medical school and afterwards. That, and I would most likely have to go out of state, live away from my family, for medical school - something I know they probably don't want me to do.
But you know what? After some persuasion (to choose what would make ME happy) and a little time to reflect on my OWN desires and interests... medicine IS something I want to dedicate my life to, and not in a small manner. I want to do this, no matter what it takes. Because in the end, even if I have nothing else, at least I have the fact that I'll be working to help people, to improve their condition, to try to make their lives and their family and friends' lives that much better. Maybe it's not rational to want to go into massive debt to pursue this right now, maybe I won't get in because of what's happened in my academic record in the last two years... but I think I've rediscovered my drive, my motivation, my passion. I just can't lose it again to the voices around me telling me not to go down this path of my choosing, because if I do... I know that
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence,
Two roads diverged in a wood and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I'll be saying that either way, I guess, but I want to know that the difference my choice made was a positive one, both on MY life (MY happiness) and on the lives of those I would hopefully, one day, touch.
For one reason or another, Frost's poem, The Road Not Taken (probably taught in every high school English class you can imagine), has become particularly appealing to me. It's always meant something to me, but now that I'm faced with some of the most important decisions of my life, it's starting to be something that I can't get out of my head. I've always made decisions with the idea that I can always fall back and try out the other route if things don't turn out the way I want them to, but the reality is (and I've learned this first-hand, I HAD to ...) ... you can NEVER truly fall back and try the other route. Whatever happens with the choice you make will always stay with you. And, for better or for worse, you grow from it. Then you make more choices down the road that you can never turn back from.
I may not have taken the ideal straight-shot path towards my future, but I know that I wouldn't be the person I am if I hadn't made the choices - both smart and stupid ones - that I've made. I wouldn't have the memories I have, the ones that shape the way I think today. I'm grateful even for the problems I've had in the last two years, because it's taught me a lot about how valuable time is, in a weird and twisted way.
I've been so afraid to make one of the hardest decisions of my life, so perpetually influenced by what the people around me want me to do or think I should do, that I'd essentially withdrawn and basically given up on working towards anything. What's the point of trying when you don't know what you're working for? When you don't know if what you want is really what you want, something you'll be happy with, or if it's just what you think you want because those around you have talked about it so much? I know that I'm told alternatives and this or that because they want me to know that they don't expect me to plunge down this one specific path... but despite their good intentions, it only threw me into more of a slump. I couldn't figure out what I wanted to do, because now all these other options were thrown at me, and I was being told that I probably shouldn't become a doctor, that they don't want me to be one because it's so much work both through medical school and afterwards. That, and I would most likely have to go out of state, live away from my family, for medical school - something I know they probably don't want me to do.
But you know what? After some persuasion (to choose what would make ME happy) and a little time to reflect on my OWN desires and interests... medicine IS something I want to dedicate my life to, and not in a small manner. I want to do this, no matter what it takes. Because in the end, even if I have nothing else, at least I have the fact that I'll be working to help people, to improve their condition, to try to make their lives and their family and friends' lives that much better. Maybe it's not rational to want to go into massive debt to pursue this right now, maybe I won't get in because of what's happened in my academic record in the last two years... but I think I've rediscovered my drive, my motivation, my passion. I just can't lose it again to the voices around me telling me not to go down this path of my choosing, because if I do... I know that
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence,
Two roads diverged in a wood and I -
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
I'll be saying that either way, I guess, but I want to know that the difference my choice made was a positive one, both on MY life (MY happiness) and on the lives of those I would hopefully, one day, touch.