(no subject)
my internal conflict has manifested itself externally. My spine no longer wants to be part of my body and my brain no longer wants to be in my skull. Wouldn't it be weird if I had a brain tumor? I would laugh. Honestly, I would. I'd get out of the catskan and they'd be like "you have a tumor" and I'd just sit there and laugh and laugh. Wow, I feel really sick saying that, especially because I know it's true. If anyone else had one I'd cry a lot. But if I had one, it would just be funny.
i'm beginning to despise anyone with a strong but unfounded opinion, which is awful because I have them all the time. It just bothers me so much when someone dislikes something for no real reason, or a dumb reason (who am i to judge). Really, anyone who isn't open to feeling the love bothers the fuck out of me. this may also explain some of my self loathing.
I was at the med doctor today and on the way home i realized that it is my opinion that i will never be better. maybe that's why i'd laugh if i had a brain tumor. it's something physically wrong, something that they have a tangible understanding of. that would be the most amazing thing in the world. but really, i almost cried when i realized i believe nothing can cure me. I know that there is a chance somehting will cure me, i just stopped believing it. which is bad. bad bad bad.
oh and i'm beginning to think i have senioritis. except i've had this for years, now i just have an excuse.
and i love phillip glass with all of my heart. i love him so much.
war is the fucking dumbest thing ever. god i hate it so much. and i hate people who think they know anything at all. because i don't and you don't and jesus didn't and god most certainly doesn't, and hitler didn't, and gahndi didn't, and sadam hussain didn't and george bush doesn't and your mom doesn't and your dad doesn't and your pets don't and your kids won't and elvis didn't and the beatles didn't, and your next door neighbor doesn't. want to know why?
we're all the same. and you'll sit there and go "well, tori, i don't know if you can say that, i mean...." but the more you do that, the more you put yourself apart from the people around you, the people of this world. if you could just get over yourself and accept that every feeling you've ever had, every human has also felt, and anything anyone else has ever felt, you have felt. you are not special. you are not different. not from anyone in the whole wide world.
we are all the same. we are all one. believing this makes me feel so powerful, because i am connected to everyone who has ever lived and everyone who ever will live and everyone who lives now. i am part of something larger, it's called the human race. i am the same as someone who has killed a million people and the same as someone who has saved a million lives. this is our experience and we are all having it.
i believe this so strongly. i believe this is the path towards love and peace. how can you kill someone who is the same as the person you love most? if there are no differences to fight over, then the fighting would stop. no one would ever feel alone.
except for me, right now, because i think i am the only person i know who believes this in the heart.
i'm beginning to despise anyone with a strong but unfounded opinion, which is awful because I have them all the time. It just bothers me so much when someone dislikes something for no real reason, or a dumb reason (who am i to judge). Really, anyone who isn't open to feeling the love bothers the fuck out of me. this may also explain some of my self loathing.
I was at the med doctor today and on the way home i realized that it is my opinion that i will never be better. maybe that's why i'd laugh if i had a brain tumor. it's something physically wrong, something that they have a tangible understanding of. that would be the most amazing thing in the world. but really, i almost cried when i realized i believe nothing can cure me. I know that there is a chance somehting will cure me, i just stopped believing it. which is bad. bad bad bad.
oh and i'm beginning to think i have senioritis. except i've had this for years, now i just have an excuse.
and i love phillip glass with all of my heart. i love him so much.
war is the fucking dumbest thing ever. god i hate it so much. and i hate people who think they know anything at all. because i don't and you don't and jesus didn't and god most certainly doesn't, and hitler didn't, and gahndi didn't, and sadam hussain didn't and george bush doesn't and your mom doesn't and your dad doesn't and your pets don't and your kids won't and elvis didn't and the beatles didn't, and your next door neighbor doesn't. want to know why?
we're all the same. and you'll sit there and go "well, tori, i don't know if you can say that, i mean...." but the more you do that, the more you put yourself apart from the people around you, the people of this world. if you could just get over yourself and accept that every feeling you've ever had, every human has also felt, and anything anyone else has ever felt, you have felt. you are not special. you are not different. not from anyone in the whole wide world.
we are all the same. we are all one. believing this makes me feel so powerful, because i am connected to everyone who has ever lived and everyone who ever will live and everyone who lives now. i am part of something larger, it's called the human race. i am the same as someone who has killed a million people and the same as someone who has saved a million lives. this is our experience and we are all having it.
i believe this so strongly. i believe this is the path towards love and peace. how can you kill someone who is the same as the person you love most? if there are no differences to fight over, then the fighting would stop. no one would ever feel alone.
except for me, right now, because i think i am the only person i know who believes this in the heart.