* New York City ~ Center of the Universe *
Cordy and I are leaving with grams today - heading to Vestle, New York... which is like, so far from New York City, but I thought my little subject heading was just too cute to pass up. Erin's lil' town is like on the border of NY and PA, so she has adopted this PA-ish accent.
Anyways, I've been a busy little beaver the past few days. We finished up working at Outback - we each got a couple training days in there, which meant more money and free food and the honor of imparting my amazing knowledgosity upon a young and impressionable mind. I really <3 Outback. I can't wait to start serving up in O-town... that is, if they let me. She could be like Gary, and just make me stay in ToGo for three years of my freakin' life.... grrrrrrrr.
Grams was in the hospital for a night. I guess she'd been feeling sick ever since December, but just thought ya know, oh, I'm sick. Well, it turns out, she had a gallstone... (i don't know if that's how you spell it.) They removed it and she was released the next day, so it was actually quite minor. Her doctor is Dr. Callman by the way, which is quite the coincidence, I feel. Anyways, of course, she was all freaking out, and so was Mom, thinking it was the end. I tried to ignore that thought, but it was still quite scary. But, all is good and she's still able to go to NY, which is what she's been so excited about. so, yay!
I was a bitch to Jan the other night, and when I tried to apologize, he acted like it was a common occurance. Which, I guess it is. It's like he says something, and I take everything he says as like an indication of how he sees our relationship (this is because I'm self centered and narcasistic), and I take everything so personally and sensitively and then I get upset and like annoyed with him and act all bitchy. Then, like a couple hours go by, and I replay the convo like 500 times in my head, and I realize that he clearly didn't intend to imply anything negatively about me or our relationship and that I totally overreacted, and then I apologize. It's like this vicious cycle... me continuously expecting the worst and being all paranoid, and then he reassures me, and then like, a few weeks later, I'm freaking out again. I dont know how it happens. It's like I'm Dark Phoenix... bipolar or something. My insecurity is something I need to work on... I think I could get away with being insecure a year ago, but not now. Not after he's been so like committed and mostly constant with his greatness. hmmmm...
On a related note, Amanda has decided its time to try and apologize again via a MySpace message. I haven't decided what to about that. It would seem as though she's actually feeling guilty, but that would go against everything we all know about Amanda.. you know, that she's a vicious, manipulative and life-sucking fiend... she's a life-ruiner... and i think she may actually be the spawn of the devil. I'm gonna use the word evil here. But, I mean, for my own personal benefit, it might be good for me to at least consider forgiving her. I mean, I think I'm mostly over it... maybe. But then, out of nowhere, I find myself getting really sad and it's like all I can think about for a few days. And this like little movie starts to play in my head of my year of hell and it's like I feel it all over again, all fresh and such. And I don't really know how to go about getting rid of this jealous/angry/sad feeling when it comes upon me. It's been a year now. It's about time I fully healed... maybe I should look for some form of a self-help book that details how to go about getting over something painful that you can't seem to let go of... and maybe how to forgive that person that hurt you. Not that I think she necessarily deserves to be forgiven. But then, at least, when someone mentions her name, or I see her via a mutual friend's party, I won't get all upset, with that gross lump in my throat and that burning acid feeling in my stomach. But I mean, I could never actually be friends with her, cuz even if I move on, I still feel like looking at her, or having to talk to her would invoke feelings of pissosity and jealousy and such. But yeah, I don't think anger and hate suit me... I should try to divest myself of such negative feelings. Jan told me the other day that I'm not supposed to be the pessimistic one. So, maybe I could try... maybe.
Ok, I gotta go to grams and pack up her trunk. We have like very little minutes for long distance calling and my mom doesn't want us using up our calling card, so we won't be able to keep in touch this week. We'll be able to go online a few times for a few mins here and there, and we do have our cells, if any of you need to get in touch with us. Otherwise, we'll be back in PC next Monday. Then, us and Kait will be driving to Orlando on the following Thursday! woohoo!
Bye Babes! I <3 You!
<3, Sam
Anyways, I've been a busy little beaver the past few days. We finished up working at Outback - we each got a couple training days in there, which meant more money and free food and the honor of imparting my amazing knowledgosity upon a young and impressionable mind. I really <3 Outback. I can't wait to start serving up in O-town... that is, if they let me. She could be like Gary, and just make me stay in ToGo for three years of my freakin' life.... grrrrrrrr.
Grams was in the hospital for a night. I guess she'd been feeling sick ever since December, but just thought ya know, oh, I'm sick. Well, it turns out, she had a gallstone... (i don't know if that's how you spell it.) They removed it and she was released the next day, so it was actually quite minor. Her doctor is Dr. Callman by the way, which is quite the coincidence, I feel. Anyways, of course, she was all freaking out, and so was Mom, thinking it was the end. I tried to ignore that thought, but it was still quite scary. But, all is good and she's still able to go to NY, which is what she's been so excited about. so, yay!
I was a bitch to Jan the other night, and when I tried to apologize, he acted like it was a common occurance. Which, I guess it is. It's like he says something, and I take everything he says as like an indication of how he sees our relationship (this is because I'm self centered and narcasistic), and I take everything so personally and sensitively and then I get upset and like annoyed with him and act all bitchy. Then, like a couple hours go by, and I replay the convo like 500 times in my head, and I realize that he clearly didn't intend to imply anything negatively about me or our relationship and that I totally overreacted, and then I apologize. It's like this vicious cycle... me continuously expecting the worst and being all paranoid, and then he reassures me, and then like, a few weeks later, I'm freaking out again. I dont know how it happens. It's like I'm Dark Phoenix... bipolar or something. My insecurity is something I need to work on... I think I could get away with being insecure a year ago, but not now. Not after he's been so like committed and mostly constant with his greatness. hmmmm...
On a related note, Amanda has decided its time to try and apologize again via a MySpace message. I haven't decided what to about that. It would seem as though she's actually feeling guilty, but that would go against everything we all know about Amanda.. you know, that she's a vicious, manipulative and life-sucking fiend... she's a life-ruiner... and i think she may actually be the spawn of the devil. I'm gonna use the word evil here. But, I mean, for my own personal benefit, it might be good for me to at least consider forgiving her. I mean, I think I'm mostly over it... maybe. But then, out of nowhere, I find myself getting really sad and it's like all I can think about for a few days. And this like little movie starts to play in my head of my year of hell and it's like I feel it all over again, all fresh and such. And I don't really know how to go about getting rid of this jealous/angry/sad feeling when it comes upon me. It's been a year now. It's about time I fully healed... maybe I should look for some form of a self-help book that details how to go about getting over something painful that you can't seem to let go of... and maybe how to forgive that person that hurt you. Not that I think she necessarily deserves to be forgiven. But then, at least, when someone mentions her name, or I see her via a mutual friend's party, I won't get all upset, with that gross lump in my throat and that burning acid feeling in my stomach. But I mean, I could never actually be friends with her, cuz even if I move on, I still feel like looking at her, or having to talk to her would invoke feelings of pissosity and jealousy and such. But yeah, I don't think anger and hate suit me... I should try to divest myself of such negative feelings. Jan told me the other day that I'm not supposed to be the pessimistic one. So, maybe I could try... maybe.
Ok, I gotta go to grams and pack up her trunk. We have like very little minutes for long distance calling and my mom doesn't want us using up our calling card, so we won't be able to keep in touch this week. We'll be able to go online a few times for a few mins here and there, and we do have our cells, if any of you need to get in touch with us. Otherwise, we'll be back in PC next Monday. Then, us and Kait will be driving to Orlando on the following Thursday! woohoo!
Bye Babes! I <3 You!
<3, Sam