I shot myself down, when I could have just kept going.

[babuwabu]

It's about time I put myself before anybody else. I'll need a lot of time to do so, because I'm used to putting my needs aside for "friends". But I don't want to be that person anymore. FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO HAVE USED ME FOR A DOCTOR SESSION AND THEN ONCE YOU'RE HEELED YOU GO AND FUCK YOUR SELF UP AGAIN WITH SOMEONE ELSE WHO I DON'T LIKE, AND THEN YOU JUST COME BACK TO BE MEND. I'M SICK OF IT! WHY DON'T YOU JUST FIX YOUR SELF, SHIT! AND QUIT ACTING LIKE YOU KNOW ME BECAUSE YOU DON'T KNOW SHIT! NONE OF YOU REMEMBER ANYTHING OF WHAT I TOLD YOU. YOU ONLY LIKE TO LISTEN TO YOURSELF AND WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ABOUT YOUR PROBLEMS! AND TO THINK THAT I GAVE UP SEPTEMBER!!!!!!!!! SEPTEMBER FOR YOU!!!! AND I KNOW YOU DIDN'T TELL ME TOO, BUT I THOUGHT I WASN'T READY, AND HELL I'LL ALWAYS HAVE YOU...BUT I WAS STUPID, AND FOR THAT I BEAT MY SELF UP! IT'S LIKE I'M BEING PUNISHED FOR CARING SO DAMN MUCH, AND I'M BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF. OMFG FUCK YOU ALL!!! I DON'T WANT TO BE THERE FOR ANY OF YOU ANYMORE! YOU'RE SUCH FILTHY LIARS!! I FEEL LIKE KILLING MY FEELINGS AND BECOMING ROBOTIC, CUZ I DON'T THINK ANYBODY WOULD NOTICE ANYWAY. YOU'LL JUST KEEP TALKING ABOUT SHIT I HATE, SHIT I SHOULD'NT BE LISTENING TO, AND YOUR PROBLEMS AND WON'T NOTICE I'M ONLY NODDING, NOT REALLY PAYING ATTENTION. but knowing myself, I'll give advice anyway. UGHHHHH I HATE MYSELF. I hate myself for not standing up to it. for not standing up to myself! I NEED TO GET OUT. I need to fill my life with work and work, so that I could just stop thinking for once. It's kind of funny when i was told i needed to stop being selfish to myself. I believed that my "friends" actually cared. It's funny to me now because, that's how the friendship is based. On my selfishness. Because there can't be another way this friendship could survive. But fuck it right? Fuck it.
I'll think twice before I call anybody else a friend.

"fuck 'em."