emptiness in my heart
i saw him yesterday. I don't know why but i spoke to some friends and they told me to talk to him again. See what was really inside of him. Or atleast try to. Since i hadn't see him since the breakup i figured i should sort of say goodbye. even if it's just good bye to the relationship... i didn't want to, but a part of me said that he wasn't going to come back to me now. I called him yesterday morning, and he said he would come see me later on that night. I waited for him, i was sort of happy that he was going to come.. but i knew there would only be the bad news. I got dressed nicely just for him.. i don't know why.. it wasn't going to help anything.
When he was on the bus i ran to the bus stop to meet him. I was thinking about acting as if i missed him so much, and giving him a huge hug... to see if maybe that's all he wanted in the relationship. appreciation. but when i saw him, i felt terrible. He looked different. not that different, just different because he reminded me so much of his new best friend jeremy. When he approached me, i just stared at him and i tried to get sort of close, but he didn't want me near him. We ended up talking for about two hours. He told me he didn't want to be with me, and mainly all the things i heard before. I was trying so hard to have him feel my hurt, and pain.. and to have him just say sorry and come back to me .. but it didn't happen. I cried so much because he said that he wasn't feeling me in that way anymore. and i believe him.. He never played me.. he never hurt me other than breakup with me.. but somehow this sort of feels worse than anything else he could of done. He says he was feeling this way for awhile. As though he wasn't interested in the relationship... He was tired of it.. and just didn't want anything like one right now. He says he didn't like the way i was anymore. .. i tried to tell him i can change and act better, that i know i took advantage of his love sometimes.. but he didn't want any of it. He just wanted to be alone.. He is not stressing me being away.. he wants me to be his friend ... i want to be but how can i just forget everything? i never will... He agreed on taking some time off from me. I don't know how long it will be or what will happen during this time off.. but he says he will come back to me. I don't know if it's true.. only time will tell.. but ohwell it's better than knowing i will lose him forever. It gave me some peace last night after he left.
I still feel halfway depressed. I lost weight because i haven't eaten hardly anything in two weeks. I think i will be okay. I just don't have an appetite at this time or at that time.. i would get nauseus.. and sometimes even have diarrhea when i ate .. since i was feeling so stressed and bad. . but i think things will change soon.
He says he will still see me and call me sometimes. I'm not going to rely on his word .. but that gives me hope that maybe i can still be in his life later on as his love. I don't know though.. this situation has made me realize how people can just change their minds about someone they were so serious about .. it is like a knife to my heart. but what can i do.. i can only try and stay strong ..
When he was on the bus i ran to the bus stop to meet him. I was thinking about acting as if i missed him so much, and giving him a huge hug... to see if maybe that's all he wanted in the relationship. appreciation. but when i saw him, i felt terrible. He looked different. not that different, just different because he reminded me so much of his new best friend jeremy. When he approached me, i just stared at him and i tried to get sort of close, but he didn't want me near him. We ended up talking for about two hours. He told me he didn't want to be with me, and mainly all the things i heard before. I was trying so hard to have him feel my hurt, and pain.. and to have him just say sorry and come back to me .. but it didn't happen. I cried so much because he said that he wasn't feeling me in that way anymore. and i believe him.. He never played me.. he never hurt me other than breakup with me.. but somehow this sort of feels worse than anything else he could of done. He says he was feeling this way for awhile. As though he wasn't interested in the relationship... He was tired of it.. and just didn't want anything like one right now. He says he didn't like the way i was anymore. .. i tried to tell him i can change and act better, that i know i took advantage of his love sometimes.. but he didn't want any of it. He just wanted to be alone.. He is not stressing me being away.. he wants me to be his friend ... i want to be but how can i just forget everything? i never will... He agreed on taking some time off from me. I don't know how long it will be or what will happen during this time off.. but he says he will come back to me. I don't know if it's true.. only time will tell.. but ohwell it's better than knowing i will lose him forever. It gave me some peace last night after he left.
I still feel halfway depressed. I lost weight because i haven't eaten hardly anything in two weeks. I think i will be okay. I just don't have an appetite at this time or at that time.. i would get nauseus.. and sometimes even have diarrhea when i ate .. since i was feeling so stressed and bad. . but i think things will change soon.
He says he will still see me and call me sometimes. I'm not going to rely on his word .. but that gives me hope that maybe i can still be in his life later on as his love. I don't know though.. this situation has made me realize how people can just change their minds about someone they were so serious about .. it is like a knife to my heart. but what can i do.. i can only try and stay strong ..