the future
so. i got kicked out of college. again. and i'm okay with it. honestly. i've realized that God totally has a plan. and this totally fits. it sucks. but it fits.
after much contemplation and prayer, i've decided to go home for the quarter. i feel like that's where i'm supposed to be for this period of my life. for this season. i'm scared. yes. but i realized that this is His way of making me deal with all the things at home that i never wanted to deal with before because i was never there to really care enough about it. i always thought "oh whatever, it's not like i talk to them that much anyways." this month, i've been given the job of taking care of ray. which i think will be really good for our relationship. my hope is to rekindle the friendship that we once had. to let go of any jealousy, bitterness, hurt, frustrations, etc that we had and to start anew.
i'm really scared of what's going to happen. honestly. i won't have the community that i have here in davis. i never felt that san diego was a place where God met me or was with me. but this time, He promised that He would be there, with His arms open wide, waiting for me. i won't have the support that i have of the friends that i have here. but, hopefully, i will be able to become the independent person that i used to be and be able to bring that aspect back to davis with me when i come back. hopefully, in san diego, i will be able to let go some of the things that i've been needing to let go but haven't been able to.
God has promised me that everything's going to be okay. i'm trying really hard to believe that right now because i know that it will be. but in my heart, i still have my doubts. what is it going to look like? am i gonna get way depressed again? what's going to happen? what am i supposed to do at home? these are all questions that keep running through my head. and it's freaking scary.
this is a season of growth, restoration, change, and promises. will you partner with me and pray for me?
after much contemplation and prayer, i've decided to go home for the quarter. i feel like that's where i'm supposed to be for this period of my life. for this season. i'm scared. yes. but i realized that this is His way of making me deal with all the things at home that i never wanted to deal with before because i was never there to really care enough about it. i always thought "oh whatever, it's not like i talk to them that much anyways." this month, i've been given the job of taking care of ray. which i think will be really good for our relationship. my hope is to rekindle the friendship that we once had. to let go of any jealousy, bitterness, hurt, frustrations, etc that we had and to start anew.
i'm really scared of what's going to happen. honestly. i won't have the community that i have here in davis. i never felt that san diego was a place where God met me or was with me. but this time, He promised that He would be there, with His arms open wide, waiting for me. i won't have the support that i have of the friends that i have here. but, hopefully, i will be able to become the independent person that i used to be and be able to bring that aspect back to davis with me when i come back. hopefully, in san diego, i will be able to let go some of the things that i've been needing to let go but haven't been able to.
God has promised me that everything's going to be okay. i'm trying really hard to believe that right now because i know that it will be. but in my heart, i still have my doubts. what is it going to look like? am i gonna get way depressed again? what's going to happen? what am i supposed to do at home? these are all questions that keep running through my head. and it's freaking scary.
this is a season of growth, restoration, change, and promises. will you partner with me and pray for me?