Eternal Darkness of the Mind
I can feel it coming back.
More and more everyday.
That darkness I thought was gone forever.
Turns out I wasn't better.
Looks like he wasn't my answer.
Just a temporary cure.
I remember the nights.
The pain both physical and emotional.
I remember the tears.
The feelings of isolation.
Followed by the need to be isolated.
The anti-social behaviour.
Doubting my self worth.
Allowing myself to be used.
Coming back for more.
The longing for something meaningful in my life.
The rejection from everyone and everything.
The secrets.
The lies.
I sit here listening to the songs I used to listen to back then.
The songs I would repeat over and over all day, alone in my room until the tears would stop.
The songs that felt like they helped yet in the long run made things worse.
I remember how I felt back then.
A lost little girl.
Used and abused by the world everyday.
I didn't understand why I wasn't like everyone else.
Why I felt this darkness everyday.
Why I felt the need to be alone with nothing but my music.
Im also remembering him.
The first boy to ever break my heart.
Back then all these songs reminded me of him.
He was poison though.
Still is.
I am with the man of my dreams now, why do I feel this way?
If that little girl could see me now she would be stoked.
But why does this little girl feel it's still not ok?
Will it ever be ok?
Will I ever be normal?
Am I destined to forever have episodes of darkness and hatred in my life?
Perhaps....
Going out for a smoke and think.....
More and more everyday.
That darkness I thought was gone forever.
Turns out I wasn't better.
Looks like he wasn't my answer.
Just a temporary cure.
I remember the nights.
The pain both physical and emotional.
I remember the tears.
The feelings of isolation.
Followed by the need to be isolated.
The anti-social behaviour.
Doubting my self worth.
Allowing myself to be used.
Coming back for more.
The longing for something meaningful in my life.
The rejection from everyone and everything.
The secrets.
The lies.
I sit here listening to the songs I used to listen to back then.
The songs I would repeat over and over all day, alone in my room until the tears would stop.
The songs that felt like they helped yet in the long run made things worse.
I remember how I felt back then.
A lost little girl.
Used and abused by the world everyday.
I didn't understand why I wasn't like everyone else.
Why I felt this darkness everyday.
Why I felt the need to be alone with nothing but my music.
Im also remembering him.
The first boy to ever break my heart.
Back then all these songs reminded me of him.
He was poison though.
Still is.
I am with the man of my dreams now, why do I feel this way?
If that little girl could see me now she would be stoked.
But why does this little girl feel it's still not ok?
Will it ever be ok?
Will I ever be normal?
Am I destined to forever have episodes of darkness and hatred in my life?
Perhaps....
Going out for a smoke and think.....