Just venting
I really dislike having to feel as if I'm forcing everyone around me to be my friend. I hate feeling like I force my company on others, and i hate the sneaking suspicion that they really don't want me around. I hate feeling as if the second they hang up the phone, their cursing themselves for not decline to go eat or lying to me. I hate trying to leave the ball in there court and watching it sit there.
I hate making phone calls for just this reason. And I can't stand that it is always me making the calls, sending the notes, I hate how it feels like I'm begging for attention, for friendship. I doubt I'm ever going to get over my phone issues, I hate calling getting no answer and knowing their ignoring my calls (ok, thinking they are).
I hate these stupid fucked up thoughts and feelings.
I feel like a fucking plague or burden for everyone and most of all i feel really sick.
And no i didn't sleep again.
I hate making phone calls for just this reason. And I can't stand that it is always me making the calls, sending the notes, I hate how it feels like I'm begging for attention, for friendship. I doubt I'm ever going to get over my phone issues, I hate calling getting no answer and knowing their ignoring my calls (ok, thinking they are).
I hate these stupid fucked up thoughts and feelings.
I feel like a fucking plague or burden for everyone and most of all i feel really sick.
And no i didn't sleep again.