Breaking the Girl..
Wow,posting from school once again. Never a good sign.
Not sure what has me so down, Missed 300 last night in order to get work done.
Yet i'm still swamped, and whats more I find out I have 2 more projects.. wtf where did those come from?
I haven't missed any school recently so whats with two new projects I didn't know about?
Honestly, its not like I don't pay attention, because I actually do.
I had to leave english this morning, too over whelmed with the extra work, plus current load and the whole class.
I'm slipping up.
In everything....
Whats more all weekend my mother has be cleaning, I've been told i'm not allowed to go anywhere or have people in, what about my school work?
:sigh: I thought grade 12 was suposed to be fun? Not that I would go to any grad things or bond anyways, I know I'm not accepted into that crowd. Which is fine, but I miss my crowd, my friends.. I miss knowing what was going on and being in control.
I miss not crying at school and not posting until i got fucking home.
Kcam left to go talk to graeme, who seems to still be not happy with me. :sigh:
I really have no idea why that bothers me so much.. but it just does.
I'm sitting here alone in the yearbook room posting about how and why I feel so stupid and overwhelmed and just fucking depressed.
I punched three lockers and slamed the door on my walk outta english today. Joy.
I mean fuck, I just spent forever getting caught up, passing in piles and piles of work. Only to find I have another pile just appear in its fucking place. My neck and back are killingme, I need something to center me. Maybe someone. Not sure. I'm not thinking clearly.
I mean fuck, 20 times today I've thought about having a smoke or taking some sort of drug, and why?I man fuck I learned that smoking doesn't do anything like I thought it would. Doesn't even make you feel good, its just another false. A nothing. Waste of time, pointless activity that for some reason I put so much hope into. Foolish huh?
Its like now all I ever do is feel tired, sore and overwhelmed like I'm drowning while everyone else is butterflying around me. This neck pain is getting to me..so is lack of sleep. Why are there never enough hours in the day for me to get anything done?
And why is it that these stupid things bother me so?
I don't see anyone else caring if someone's not talking to them, or if their alone in some damn room. Although.. maybe its because none of them are experiencing that. I could tell myself that, but honestly I know others would be fine and find a way to make it all work.
Why am I so stressfull?
*******************************
Really why don't I just go out there and sit?
I mean sure, they may stop talking or get up and leave... but then at least I'd know it wasn't all in my head?
Wouldn't that be better?
Not sure what has me so down, Missed 300 last night in order to get work done.
Yet i'm still swamped, and whats more I find out I have 2 more projects.. wtf where did those come from?
I haven't missed any school recently so whats with two new projects I didn't know about?
Honestly, its not like I don't pay attention, because I actually do.
I had to leave english this morning, too over whelmed with the extra work, plus current load and the whole class.
I'm slipping up.
In everything....
Whats more all weekend my mother has be cleaning, I've been told i'm not allowed to go anywhere or have people in, what about my school work?
:sigh: I thought grade 12 was suposed to be fun? Not that I would go to any grad things or bond anyways, I know I'm not accepted into that crowd. Which is fine, but I miss my crowd, my friends.. I miss knowing what was going on and being in control.
I miss not crying at school and not posting until i got fucking home.
Kcam left to go talk to graeme, who seems to still be not happy with me. :sigh:
I really have no idea why that bothers me so much.. but it just does.
I'm sitting here alone in the yearbook room posting about how and why I feel so stupid and overwhelmed and just fucking depressed.
I punched three lockers and slamed the door on my walk outta english today. Joy.
I mean fuck, I just spent forever getting caught up, passing in piles and piles of work. Only to find I have another pile just appear in its fucking place. My neck and back are killingme, I need something to center me. Maybe someone. Not sure. I'm not thinking clearly.
I mean fuck, 20 times today I've thought about having a smoke or taking some sort of drug, and why?I man fuck I learned that smoking doesn't do anything like I thought it would. Doesn't even make you feel good, its just another false. A nothing. Waste of time, pointless activity that for some reason I put so much hope into. Foolish huh?
Its like now all I ever do is feel tired, sore and overwhelmed like I'm drowning while everyone else is butterflying around me. This neck pain is getting to me..so is lack of sleep. Why are there never enough hours in the day for me to get anything done?
And why is it that these stupid things bother me so?
I don't see anyone else caring if someone's not talking to them, or if their alone in some damn room. Although.. maybe its because none of them are experiencing that. I could tell myself that, but honestly I know others would be fine and find a way to make it all work.
Why am I so stressfull?
*******************************
Really why don't I just go out there and sit?
I mean sure, they may stop talking or get up and leave... but then at least I'd know it wasn't all in my head?
Wouldn't that be better?