No more watching T.V. series fanalies before bed.
I had the most god awful dream I think I may have had in the past few years. No blood, no death, but god did it ever hurt. I woke up crying and I don't remember much, but I don't like it one bit. I don't like how badly it shook me, and I certainly do not like the reaction I had to it. I watched the end of Wonderfalls last night, so it's partially to blame, what with my dream stealing the story arch and all.
Anyway from what I remember I was living in the states, ridiculous warmth and all that, and the guy that I have uncomfortable feelings for (sorry for that wording but typing makes me feel awkward) was with the beautiful girl from the photograph. Which made me unbelievably sad, not because of any sense of losing or failure (I mean yeah sure those where there, but not the reason I was upset. I have more heart, than I would like to), because he was slipping away, and it hurt so much.
And having learned my lesson from T.V. about love and regrets and not saying how you feel and the dangers of being as closed off and cold as I am. I approached, and made myself very clear, offered up all the facts and waited for what seemed like forever for him to tear out my heart.
Being me, I think I said something like "ok, well... I just want to be clear, certain I mean without any doubts and all... You know I love you. Truly. And you would rather be with her. I mean, you choose her.. as in apposed to or over me. Obviously I'm not asking because I am so great.. because we all know I'm not.. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I really felt this strongly for you.. so you had all the facts. You know how I feel, and I just want to be clear on that.. and your choice."
He probably said something with better syntax which could be summed into yes, I choose her. And then the worst part, I just stood there and started to cry. Lame. They walked off holding hands, and I woke up with a wet face. Its so foolish, stupid and dumb but it hurts so very much and I don't want it to.
Stupid dream.
Anyway from what I remember I was living in the states, ridiculous warmth and all that, and the guy that I have uncomfortable feelings for (sorry for that wording but typing makes me feel awkward) was with the beautiful girl from the photograph. Which made me unbelievably sad, not because of any sense of losing or failure (I mean yeah sure those where there, but not the reason I was upset. I have more heart, than I would like to), because he was slipping away, and it hurt so much.
And having learned my lesson from T.V. about love and regrets and not saying how you feel and the dangers of being as closed off and cold as I am. I approached, and made myself very clear, offered up all the facts and waited for what seemed like forever for him to tear out my heart.
Being me, I think I said something like "ok, well... I just want to be clear, certain I mean without any doubts and all... You know I love you. Truly. And you would rather be with her. I mean, you choose her.. as in apposed to or over me. Obviously I'm not asking because I am so great.. because we all know I'm not.. I just wanted to make sure you knew that I really felt this strongly for you.. so you had all the facts. You know how I feel, and I just want to be clear on that.. and your choice."
He probably said something with better syntax which could be summed into yes, I choose her. And then the worst part, I just stood there and started to cry. Lame. They walked off holding hands, and I woke up with a wet face. Its so foolish, stupid and dumb but it hurts so very much and I don't want it to.
Stupid dream.