I know that barely anyone still uses LJ, but this is my way of venting...
Okay, so it's the second semester of college... Last semester I received a 3.33 GPA, but I had to drop calculus... I'm retaking calc this semester, while having 19 credit hours...
Basically my schedule is HELL... My Wednesdays run from 8:30 AM until 9:30 PM, with only an hour and half break... Whatever...
I'm realizing that the Chemistry, B.S. program isn't all that strong, and that saddens/startles me because I came here thinking that I would go to an AMAZING graduate program, now, I'm not so sure... I love the atmosphere and the people but I don't know anymore. I'm toying with the idea of transferring but I don't think I'd feel any better somewhere else, especially since I'm so freaking awkward...
As of late, I'm really depressed all of the time, I always feel on the verge of tears even when I seem like I'm having fun... My self-image has pretty much been shot to hell, and I don't even really know why. I know I'm thin, but I can't help but to think there must be something wrong with me all of the time... I miss attention and contact, hell, I was estatic when someone gave me a massage last night, it probably only felt good because it was attention...
I feel like all my connections with people mean nothing, and when I try to explain this, I only end up sounding like a bitch, then again, maybe that's my subconscious's mechanism to keep me away from everyone, no matter how unhealthful that may be...
I'm rushing AXE (Alpha Chi Sigma), the co-ed chemistry fraternity, so we'll see how that turns out on Monday, whether or not I get a bid or not...
My friends from my floor are really pissed off at me because I decided to live on Southside next Fall, after all my classes are all on the south end of campus... But they had planned on my living there without even asking me about it until last weekend, then they mentioned housing for next semester briefly and I replied with "I'll probably end up in Howe..." They looked at me with the dirtiest looks... "I guess that screws up everything," one of them replied. Apparently, although most of them also have classes on the south end of campus, they still want to live on Northside, and assumed I was going to live in their suite... So, this is obviously my fault... So, as of late, I've spent most of my time in another dormatory on an all-male floor, just pretty much hanging out... After all, I'm still only another one of the guys...
I mean, seriously, how hard should it be for a girl to find a date in a college of nearly 65% men, well, other than with the guys who are repeat-stalkers... Am I really that ugly? I've been turned down everytime... "You're fun to hang out with, but I don't like you 'like that'." Basically that just resonates what every guy has told me and what Mr. Farmer holds true "Guys cannot be 'just friends' with girls, unless that girl is really ugly..." So I guess that's the case, because most of my friends are male, and none of them are interested in me.
I guess nothing really ever changes.
I guess I'm destined to be lonely forever, whatever.
Maybe I'll "party" for the first time ever this weekend...
Basically my schedule is HELL... My Wednesdays run from 8:30 AM until 9:30 PM, with only an hour and half break... Whatever...
I'm realizing that the Chemistry, B.S. program isn't all that strong, and that saddens/startles me because I came here thinking that I would go to an AMAZING graduate program, now, I'm not so sure... I love the atmosphere and the people but I don't know anymore. I'm toying with the idea of transferring but I don't think I'd feel any better somewhere else, especially since I'm so freaking awkward...
As of late, I'm really depressed all of the time, I always feel on the verge of tears even when I seem like I'm having fun... My self-image has pretty much been shot to hell, and I don't even really know why. I know I'm thin, but I can't help but to think there must be something wrong with me all of the time... I miss attention and contact, hell, I was estatic when someone gave me a massage last night, it probably only felt good because it was attention...
I feel like all my connections with people mean nothing, and when I try to explain this, I only end up sounding like a bitch, then again, maybe that's my subconscious's mechanism to keep me away from everyone, no matter how unhealthful that may be...
I'm rushing AXE (Alpha Chi Sigma), the co-ed chemistry fraternity, so we'll see how that turns out on Monday, whether or not I get a bid or not...
My friends from my floor are really pissed off at me because I decided to live on Southside next Fall, after all my classes are all on the south end of campus... But they had planned on my living there without even asking me about it until last weekend, then they mentioned housing for next semester briefly and I replied with "I'll probably end up in Howe..." They looked at me with the dirtiest looks... "I guess that screws up everything," one of them replied. Apparently, although most of them also have classes on the south end of campus, they still want to live on Northside, and assumed I was going to live in their suite... So, this is obviously my fault... So, as of late, I've spent most of my time in another dormatory on an all-male floor, just pretty much hanging out... After all, I'm still only another one of the guys...
I mean, seriously, how hard should it be for a girl to find a date in a college of nearly 65% men, well, other than with the guys who are repeat-stalkers... Am I really that ugly? I've been turned down everytime... "You're fun to hang out with, but I don't like you 'like that'." Basically that just resonates what every guy has told me and what Mr. Farmer holds true "Guys cannot be 'just friends' with girls, unless that girl is really ugly..." So I guess that's the case, because most of my friends are male, and none of them are interested in me.
I guess nothing really ever changes.
I guess I'm destined to be lonely forever, whatever.
Maybe I'll "party" for the first time ever this weekend...