Reflecting
Considering the last time I updated this thing was October, I'm guessing it's about that time again. I'm not sure how much time I have to write about how things are, but I'll do my best to update as best I can at this time. Well, it's April 18th, 2006. Wow. Where was I this time last year? Probably fighting with Adam about something absolutely and utterly stupid. I've done a lot of growing in between then and now. Some things just don't seem to have the same amount of emphasis as they used to, and some things just seem somewhat more interesting. Let's take for instance the fact that I'm not depressed and upset over my recent break-up. I feel like I should be remorseful, and yet not so. I will not lie. At times I do feel upset and tired of everything and I feel so alone that I just want to reach out to him for help. But I limit myself. I won't do that to myself again. I refuse... absolutely refuse... to be treated that way again. I refuse to allow someone to disrespect who I am as a person and allow me to make childish decisions and drive me to complete madness every other day. I don't need that. I'm almost a college sophomore who has so much interest in life and what it has to offer that I simply refuse to be held back by people anymore. I'm breaking free of it...
It is true. I am just about a college sophomore. It doesn't seem possible. It still seems to me like I was on Wheaton Field yesterday, receiving my diploma from Dr. Thompson, and smiling for all those "adoring fans" in the stands. Where did one year of college go? I guess as you get older, time really does fly. Of course, there was time to make some wonderful and lifelong friends in the process. After being completely bummed about being put in the all girls dorm on campus, I was searching for at least ONE person in this dorm that I could talk to. Well, I found her. Kaitlin. She has been my complete lifeline up here, like a sister away from home, but also while I'm home. She lives in Vineland, so I never have to say goodbye to her for the summer. It's the greatest feeling in the world. Then there's Eliza. She lives across the hall from me, and is always giving me some kind of useful advice on life, yet she never seems to know it. We share a love for music and theatre, as well as cold stone. Maybe even James Doyle. Could I mention Montclair without mentioning Drew? He keeps me laughing up here, which is something I relish in. How can you even pass a day without laughing about something? And then there's Jon. Fall 2005 was amazing. Best friends. Spring 2006, not so much. We kind of separated once Adam and I separated, but I'd like to think that that had nothing to do with it. Maybe it was that I set him up with Kaitlin. Nonetheless, I love them both. They're my bests, and that's just fine with me.
I don't even think I could begin to start writing about how I feel about dating right now. I can't. I just don't think I could. I'm not ready to get out there and look for someone to take Adam's place. Because as of right now, I don't feel like there is anyone that CAN take his place. And until I stop feeling that way, I'm sticking to my guns and just concentrating on me, which I haven't done in a long time. I need to take this time to actually stop and think about things and what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. It's a crazy stage I'm going through, but analyzing things before and after seems to be helping me a lot. I'm actually starting to understand why some things happen the way they do. And I'm not about to turn back now...
It is true. I am just about a college sophomore. It doesn't seem possible. It still seems to me like I was on Wheaton Field yesterday, receiving my diploma from Dr. Thompson, and smiling for all those "adoring fans" in the stands. Where did one year of college go? I guess as you get older, time really does fly. Of course, there was time to make some wonderful and lifelong friends in the process. After being completely bummed about being put in the all girls dorm on campus, I was searching for at least ONE person in this dorm that I could talk to. Well, I found her. Kaitlin. She has been my complete lifeline up here, like a sister away from home, but also while I'm home. She lives in Vineland, so I never have to say goodbye to her for the summer. It's the greatest feeling in the world. Then there's Eliza. She lives across the hall from me, and is always giving me some kind of useful advice on life, yet she never seems to know it. We share a love for music and theatre, as well as cold stone. Maybe even James Doyle. Could I mention Montclair without mentioning Drew? He keeps me laughing up here, which is something I relish in. How can you even pass a day without laughing about something? And then there's Jon. Fall 2005 was amazing. Best friends. Spring 2006, not so much. We kind of separated once Adam and I separated, but I'd like to think that that had nothing to do with it. Maybe it was that I set him up with Kaitlin. Nonetheless, I love them both. They're my bests, and that's just fine with me.
I don't even think I could begin to start writing about how I feel about dating right now. I can't. I just don't think I could. I'm not ready to get out there and look for someone to take Adam's place. Because as of right now, I don't feel like there is anyone that CAN take his place. And until I stop feeling that way, I'm sticking to my guns and just concentrating on me, which I haven't done in a long time. I need to take this time to actually stop and think about things and what I'm doing and why I'm doing it. It's a crazy stage I'm going through, but analyzing things before and after seems to be helping me a lot. I'm actually starting to understand why some things happen the way they do. And I'm not about to turn back now...