Back in town
Well I am back from Wyoming. It went well and wasn't to hard. Tonight is the last episode of Futurama. It doesn't make sense, Simpsons keeps running even though it has gotten so lame and the better show Futurama is stopping? Makes me a little sad, oh well.
I am continuing to do curls and work on my chest stomach and arms. Seems to be making a difference and my arms are getting bigger. I hope to be in relitivly good shape once I can go out. Talked to Daren yesterday and i wasn't released yet but he thinks it is very close. I would have rather not known that I was close so that I wouldn't be thinking about it. Anyway I will call in the morning and see what it says. I just hope its done soon.
I was thinking about dany the other day and wanted to write down the things she taught me.
1.she badgered me about too and to, and though she never actually helped me understand when to use which, I looked it up and understand too is the same as also.
2. She also gave me shit about ether and either. guess I was texting ether meaning either.
3. She helped me develop my love for Futurama and for Venture bros. I liked Futurama before but we bonded on our love for it.
4. She helped me understand that I was wearing to large of clothes for my body. I always wore Large or XL shirts because I am a big guy. She helped me realize that smaller shirts help me look less frumpy and with working out it should help me look quite a bit better.
5. She also helped me understand when to use the word good and when to use well. If someone asked how you are, you are well, you would be good if you were superman doing good. I used well quite often before that but after I am much more conscious about it.
6.I learned to enjoy the classic books, I am half way done with Les Miserablies and a quarter done with Frankenstein. She also had me read the life of pie right before the movie came out.
7. She also helped me realize I am too nice sometimes, and though she didn't mean to teach me this i think it is very important for me to realize and to work on.
I realize more why I have had such a hard time getting over her and its because she challenged me on a daily basis. I think it was not what she was trying to do but being a bitch to me and constantly correcting me it was something I haven't had in a relationship before, challenge. I found that I enjoyed the challenge of dealing with her. I guess I need some challenge in my life to help me be happy.
8.She helped me get though my probation without loosing my mind or completing committing suicide. I watched Dany take about 300 sleeping pills half a gallon of rum and 2 or 3 klonopin, in reaction to me taking about 20 sleeping pills in exasperation and frustration of my life and probation. I saw her loose consciousness in the ambulance drive to the hospital and have to be intubated so they could breath for her. I sat and watched her as long as they would let me while she sat in intensive care. Going back the next day as soon as i could to see that she was ok. It broke my heart seeing her like that and after finding out from her father that it was her 6th try at killing herself. I have figured out that part of my problems separating from her is and it being in anger is the fact that I am scared that she will try again and this time succeed, and I will have to live with the knowledge that she died hating me. I seriously would do anything to help her though her hard times so that she never feels so bad she wants to try this again. I kills me thinking that the last words she will ever tell me are, "please leave me alone." via text, When all i was trying to do was help her and all i wanted in return was respect and kindness.
9.She helped me realize my love for Queen and other rock bands. I already had a large respect for them but she helped me realize it much more.
10. She taught me to drink crystal light instead of juice and save myself from hundreds of calories a day. This in turn helped me loose a bunch of weight and helped me with my self confidence.
11.She taught me that when cooking, control of the heat is very important. I tended to turn it up to far and overcook or burn things. she taught me how to feather it or only use a low heat to get better results.
12.She helped me realize i want to learn to play guitar and I want to ask her father to give me a few lessons but I don't want to make things anymore awkward but I would like some advice on buying a guitar and how to start learning.
I will update this as I think of more.
It seems kind of dumb to be having problems getting over a girl and to post things that she helped you understand but as I get more and more over her I forget more and more why I chose to be with her and what things she helped me with in my life, and I want to have them written down somewhere so i can remember them in the future. Funny part is I am almost certain she not only does everything to not think of me or what I did to help her with but makes up lies about things I didn't do so she can hate me. I mean she holds it against me that I told her she had a drinking problem, when everyone in her family tells her the same thing, though she hates them for it too, but forgives them while I do not expect she will ever talk to me again.
blah this turned into another rant about a girl who told me she loved me and then did her best to prove it untrue. Oh well, another day closer to not feeling as shitty as I have. its better just not done hurting yet.
I am continuing to do curls and work on my chest stomach and arms. Seems to be making a difference and my arms are getting bigger. I hope to be in relitivly good shape once I can go out. Talked to Daren yesterday and i wasn't released yet but he thinks it is very close. I would have rather not known that I was close so that I wouldn't be thinking about it. Anyway I will call in the morning and see what it says. I just hope its done soon.
I was thinking about dany the other day and wanted to write down the things she taught me.
1.she badgered me about too and to, and though she never actually helped me understand when to use which, I looked it up and understand too is the same as also.
2. She also gave me shit about ether and either. guess I was texting ether meaning either.
3. She helped me develop my love for Futurama and for Venture bros. I liked Futurama before but we bonded on our love for it.
4. She helped me understand that I was wearing to large of clothes for my body. I always wore Large or XL shirts because I am a big guy. She helped me realize that smaller shirts help me look less frumpy and with working out it should help me look quite a bit better.
5. She also helped me understand when to use the word good and when to use well. If someone asked how you are, you are well, you would be good if you were superman doing good. I used well quite often before that but after I am much more conscious about it.
6.I learned to enjoy the classic books, I am half way done with Les Miserablies and a quarter done with Frankenstein. She also had me read the life of pie right before the movie came out.
7. She also helped me realize I am too nice sometimes, and though she didn't mean to teach me this i think it is very important for me to realize and to work on.
I realize more why I have had such a hard time getting over her and its because she challenged me on a daily basis. I think it was not what she was trying to do but being a bitch to me and constantly correcting me it was something I haven't had in a relationship before, challenge. I found that I enjoyed the challenge of dealing with her. I guess I need some challenge in my life to help me be happy.
8.She helped me get though my probation without loosing my mind or completing committing suicide. I watched Dany take about 300 sleeping pills half a gallon of rum and 2 or 3 klonopin, in reaction to me taking about 20 sleeping pills in exasperation and frustration of my life and probation. I saw her loose consciousness in the ambulance drive to the hospital and have to be intubated so they could breath for her. I sat and watched her as long as they would let me while she sat in intensive care. Going back the next day as soon as i could to see that she was ok. It broke my heart seeing her like that and after finding out from her father that it was her 6th try at killing herself. I have figured out that part of my problems separating from her is and it being in anger is the fact that I am scared that she will try again and this time succeed, and I will have to live with the knowledge that she died hating me. I seriously would do anything to help her though her hard times so that she never feels so bad she wants to try this again. I kills me thinking that the last words she will ever tell me are, "please leave me alone." via text, When all i was trying to do was help her and all i wanted in return was respect and kindness.
9.She helped me realize my love for Queen and other rock bands. I already had a large respect for them but she helped me realize it much more.
10. She taught me to drink crystal light instead of juice and save myself from hundreds of calories a day. This in turn helped me loose a bunch of weight and helped me with my self confidence.
11.She taught me that when cooking, control of the heat is very important. I tended to turn it up to far and overcook or burn things. she taught me how to feather it or only use a low heat to get better results.
12.She helped me realize i want to learn to play guitar and I want to ask her father to give me a few lessons but I don't want to make things anymore awkward but I would like some advice on buying a guitar and how to start learning.
I will update this as I think of more.
It seems kind of dumb to be having problems getting over a girl and to post things that she helped you understand but as I get more and more over her I forget more and more why I chose to be with her and what things she helped me with in my life, and I want to have them written down somewhere so i can remember them in the future. Funny part is I am almost certain she not only does everything to not think of me or what I did to help her with but makes up lies about things I didn't do so she can hate me. I mean she holds it against me that I told her she had a drinking problem, when everyone in her family tells her the same thing, though she hates them for it too, but forgives them while I do not expect she will ever talk to me again.
blah this turned into another rant about a girl who told me she loved me and then did her best to prove it untrue. Oh well, another day closer to not feeling as shitty as I have. its better just not done hurting yet.